Donor Selection - Done!

I decided on my donor today.

After picking out a sperm donor 3 years ago, I thought this would be easy.

It was not.

When I chose my sperm donor, I first narrowed it down to donors with coloring similar to mine, then focused mainly on their profiles.  I though the childhood picture of my donor was cute but it was his profile that sold me.  When looking at donors this time, though, my primary focus was on their pictures.

This weekend, with the help of my sister and my friend Jennie, I narrowed the choices down to two, and sent in my selection.  Choice A had one picture - she was a cute little girl with blonde hair and her smile looked like mine.  Her grades were ok, she didn't have much interesting to say, but her picture was cute.  Choice B had absolutely adorable pictures, with a chin shaped like Finn's.  I liked her profile, she sounded fun - and a little stubborn.

This morning I heard from the donor coordinator, and I asked her which donor looked more like me (they have adult pictures to look at).  She said Choice A has a smile and eyes like mine, but her face shape is different, as is her nose.  Choice B was from a different site (RBA has several different donor sites), and so she'd have to contact that donor coordinator to find out about her.  In the meantime, she very sweetly reminded me that genetics are weird, and even with my own eggs, there's no guarantee that my child would look anything like me.  Which of course I know, but it would be nice if people could look at us and know we were related, especially since Finn looks so  much like me.

I'd pretty much decided on Choice A when I got another email from my coordinator.  She'd talked with the other coordinator, who said that there was some resemblance between me and Donor B, but when she looked at my adult picture, she immediately thought of Donor C.

So of course I immediately logged in to the donor bank (at work) and looked her up.  Her pictures were cute, but I didn't feel that instant connection that I did with the other two donors.  And then I read her profile. I loved it. I love what she said about why she decided to be a donor, and what she'd like the potential recipients to know.  I loved that reading was her favorite activity as a child and that The Boxcar Children were her favorite books.  I love that reading is still one of her favorite activities, and how she describes herself as compassionate, honest, sensible and loving.

That's when I realized that all I knew about Donor A was that she had decent grades and wanted to go on a cruise to the Caribbean.  And I ruled her out, from first place to last, right then, in between seeing patients.  I looked at Donor B's profile again, and I really liked it, too.  She likes to scuba dive and watch movies, she liked silly books as a child, and she describes herself as independent and resourceful.

I looked at their vital states.  Donor B is 5'3 and 150 pounds.  Donor C is 5'7 and 115 pounds.  (While I'm 5'4, and just about 150 pounds.)  They were both proven donors.

I was torn.  I texted Jennie, and luckily she was free to look with me.  She liked Donor C, too, but also liked Donors A and B.  So I thought more about their vital stats.  And I reread their profiles.  And I agonized some more.  Jennie chimed in and told me I should go with Donor C. She really liked her profile, too.

And so, I decided on Donor C.  I didn't feel a connection with her picture at first, but she is adorable.  She's taller and thinner (which, less face it, is a big deal).  The donor coordinator thinks she looks like me.  She loves to read.  I took a deep breath and made it official; I faxed in my donor confirmation forms before lunch.

And now I'm having a little bit of buyer's remorse.  Did I make the right decision?  Most people fall in love (or sleep around) as their way of choosing 50% of their child's genetic make-up.  I'd already bucked that trend by throwing a party to help me choose that first 50%, and now I'm responsible for choosing the other 50%, too.  I hope I made the right choice!  I think I did, but would one of the other two have been better?  What if I don't get pregnant?  What will I do then?

I keep looking at her pictures, and they're really growing on me. I can see myself in her face, and I can see Finn, too.  And I keep reminding myself of the advice I got when I was looking at donor sperm, and that I now share with others: "You will love any child you get, no matter who the donors are."  I know that's true.  And I think that my child will someday appreciate that I decided on her (or his) donor because of who she is, and not just what she looks like.

Now I just have to arrange to get my last two vials of Finn's donor shipped to Atlanta, and then I'm all ready for May!  Holy cow, I can't believe I'm really going to do this.