I spent yesterday afternoon babysitting my 7 month old nephew Oliver. He is a chubby, fuzzy-headed little bundle of smiles and we had so much fun. We played on the floor for a while, ate lunch and after a brief nap we went for a long walk. As I was navigating the stroller onto the elevator I had this sudden, terrifying thought, “My sister has entrusted this little baby with me. Is she crazy? How does she know I can handle this?” That thought was followed by, “Oh, crap. How do I know I can handle this? Can I do this every day?” I’ve spent lots of time imagining being a mom, but this is the first time that my imagining actually seemed real. Terrifying and exciting, all at the same time. As I struggled to change Oliver’s diapers, and later his clothes, I sent up a little prayer that by this time next year I’m a lot better at doing both things, because I just about gave up on getting his clean shirt on yesterday. Let’s hope practice improves my baby changing skills, because I’d hate for Chiquitita to go naked because I just can’t get him/her dressed in the morning.
We took a nap together on the couch after our walk. When Oliver woke up, he twisted his head around to look up at me, and gave me a huge, toothless grin that just melted my heart. If I feel this way with my nephew, how am I going to feel when it’s my baby grinning up at me? I can’t even imagine.
My next ultrasound is coming up on Tuesday afternoon! I’ve got my fingers crossed that Chiquitita will cooperate so I can find out if I’m having a boy or a girl. I can’t believe that I have absolutely no idea, none at all. Most people seem to think I’m having a boy, but I really don’t have a feeling one way or the other. I do already have a boy name picked out, but if it’s a girl, I’ve got some work to do!
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