Saturday, January 2, 2016

Happy New Year!

When I was a kid, I always got the post-Christmas blues.  The magic and wonder was over, and it was such a let down.  Especially since it was also time to face a long winter of school and drudgery.

As I got older, the holidays were always just a little sad to begin with.  Each year I'd imagine that next year would be the year I'd finally be in a serious relationship, and then I even let myself imagine that I was just a few years away from having little ones of my own to celebrate with.  And each year I was disappointed.  At least until 6 years ago, that is, when I gave up on finding Mr. Right and took my first dose of Clomid ever on New Year's Eve, and one year after that, when I was finally pregnant with Finn.

I haven't felt any of that let down this year.  I've been chronically exhausted since Thanksgiving, but have had tons of stuff packed into the holidays and managed to get a good amount of shopping and decorating done without losing my mind. We didn't do everything I'd hoped to do, but I am pretty satisfied that this year I made Christmas a memorable and magical one for my boys - not because of the presents, but because of the season itself.

However, this past week I've watched Finn as he struggles with the same post-Christmas funk that I used to always get.  I got him to help me take down our outdoor Christmas lights, and that took the sting out of that.  But he's really resisting taking down Christmas inside.  So tonight, after bed, I got a lot of things put away - most everything that's not the trees, mantle or the Christmas village is safely stowed away. He's going to help me tomorrow - though I think I might give in and leave a few things out for a while if he asks again.

Before heading upstairs to bed tonight, I took one long look at my mantle, lit by just the lights of the Christmas tree.  And I looked at the two stockings hanging there.

"Finnegan" "Zachary"

And out of no where I started to cry. I am so very lucky. And oh my gosh it goes so fast.  If only there were a way to make it all slow down, just a little.  Well, maybe not all of it.  Some of it really sucks.  But the good stuff, the magic stuff, the every day mundane sticky kisses and sly grins - I want to savor that slowly, enjoying every last minute.

Happy 2016!