Keeping it Together

I'm optimistically calling this post Keeping it Together, so I can pretend that I have a little bit of my life together right now.

Amazingly, I felt better after writing my last post, but even more so after reading the responses.  As someone said to me privately, everyone makes parenting look so easy - it's really nice to know I'm not alone in my exhaustion.

At least one person mentioned delayed postpartum depression (it really is a thing) as a possible issue. It has occurred to me.  But I don't know that I meet the criteria for true clinical depression.  I am actually happy a lot, there are many things I still enjoy.  But I do feel discouraged quite often as well, and like I said, lonely.  And my reserves are so terribly low - just a little misbehavior from my children can throw me for a loop. But still...it's on the list of things to talk to my doctor when I see her in a couple of weeks.

I am working on a few ideas to make my daily and weekly routine a little better - I'll share if any of them end up being really helpful! I already pay someone to my clean house, and Nanny M does a lot to help out. She does occasionally walk Vader for me when I've not been able to, but it is actually one chore I mostly enjoy.  It gets me some exercise and I have a little quiet time outside; once I drag myself out of bed I usually am happy I did.  I'm considering hiring someone to help with a few of the projects around the house - but right now just finding someone takes more than I have time to give.

More than anything, I need sleep.  It is amazing how hard it is to get enough, though.  There are so many things I need to do, and so many things I want to do...I have a hard time going to sleep when I have so much stuff I want to get done.  I'm working on it, though.

In 5 short weeks I'm going out of town for 4 nights, by myself, while my parents stay with the boys. It's a work conference, but I'm going to make sure I get lots of sleep, lots of good food and at least a couple of spa treatments.  I suspect that this long weekend might help more than anything else.

We had a family vacation a few weeks ago that was fun and did a lot to help relieve all the tension I've been feeling about work lately, but it's wasn't particularly restful.  If you follow me on Instagram you already saw all our pictures from our cruise, and most importantly, from the Star Wars day.  I was not as rested before the trip as I wanted to be (and on the first night, in the airport hotel, Zachary pooped on the floor and Finn locked us out of the bathroom in the space of 5 minutes...it was not a great start to our trip!) so I don't think I was as patient as I should have been, but the boys had fun. I know we'll do another one...in a few years.

Traveling with Kids

Travel is one of my absolutely most favorite things to do.  I love exploring new places, turning points on a map into real places in my mind, shopping in new stores, finding cool things for my house or my Christmas tree and eating new foods (and surprising myself when I find something I like!)  I am really looking forward to sharing that love of travel with my boys, making sure they grow up with a concept of just how big and amazing the world is, and how people really are the same at heart no matter how different they may appear.

We traveled some when I was a kid - my dad was stationed in Germany, and we did some traveling in Europe.  I didn't appreciate the food, loved the outsides of castles (but thought the insides were boring), thrilled at the mountains and beautiful vistas, and remember my interactions with the locals with more clarity than anything else.  I think about those trips and wonder if my parents had fun, if my sister and I were well behaved or difficult, and wonder what made some trips so much more memorable to me than others.  And then I wonder what I can do to make our trips a success, to maximize the fun while minimizing the frustrations.

I learned a few things on our trip a couple of weeks ago, and I want to write them down (in no particular order) for future reference before I forget them.

Be Flexible and Listen
We had a full day at Disneyland with some friends, and early in the day we found ourselves rushing past rides and we went across the park, trying to make a show.  After the third time of me telling an increasingly disappointed Finn, "I promise, we'll come and ride this ride soon!" it occurred to me that he was not at all interested in the show.  He wanted rides. And so we rode.  He skipped, he hopped, he beamed with the thrill of it all.  We didn't see the show, but he loved every second of our day. When we were at Sea World, the rides were almost deserted and Finn was able to ride the Elmo ride over and over again, without getting off.  I was tired and dizzy, but he was in heaven, so I let him ride.  And ride.  And ride.  When I ask him now what his favorite part of Sea World was, he says without hesitation, "The Elmo ride!"  

Bring Food and Drinks
I actually learned this one from my friend Mindy when we were somewhere (Peru?) and hungry - she whipped out some peanut butter crackers and suddenly the world was a better place.  With kids, you can never have too many (healthy) snacks.  They'll always want something at the worst time, and huge meltdowns can be averted by quick access to a snack.  I'm so glad I learned this one from Mindy instead of from a hungry 3 year old.

Have Surprise Treats
I packed Finn's backpack with (cheap) little toys and games he'd never seen before, as I knew the iPad would only last for so long.  He loved all his surprises, and it made the flights much easier to bear.  The biggest hit were the $1 rolls of paper tape that he used to decorate his seat.

Bring Back Up
With kids this young, it's so much easier to have other adults around.  I think it's doable without another adult (though I wouldn't want to brave an airplane bathroom with a baby and a toddler at the same time), but so much easier with the extra pair(s) of hands.

There is no such thing as overpacking
I can pack light when I want to (I once went to Greece for 10 days with just a carry on).  But there is NO reason to pack light with young kids.  And don't forget extra clothes for yourself, both in your carry on and in your luggage.

Be Silly
Dress up. Wear silly wings that light up.  Have a light saber battle with your little pirate.  This is what you'll remember.

Don't Overschedule (or Be Flexible)
Have you ever tried to get a 3 year old to hurry?  It's miserable.  It's even worse on vacation.  We had crazy busy days, but we also managed a few days of relaxation, where we were in no hurry.  Those were the best days.  Yes, Disneyland was awesome.  The zoo was cool.  But the time at the park with friends I've known since before we had children, watching our kids play together?  That was the best.  Kids need downtime, and so do mommies. If you do like we did and overschedule, don't hesitate to change plans last minute.  

Take Time to Roast Marshmallows
Finn loved our s'mores roast - the thrill of being out after dark, of catching marshmallows on fire, digging his feet in the sand - it was a fun way to spend together that didn't involve running around and gave us time to just be together.  I'm looking forward to doing it again when Zachary is old enough to join in.  (It was a lot more fun once I embraced the stickiness and mess and just enjoyed it.)

Expect Craziness
Towards the end of the trip, I realized that toddler meltdowns are inevitable.  Baby meltdowns, too.  Water would be spilled, peanut butter smeared everywhere, fingers stepped on, ice cream dropped - and all of it was only a big deal if I let it be a big deal.  My kids follow my lead, and when I stayed calm and dealt with hassles with a sense of humor, they did, too.  (And when I didn't remain calm, their bad behavior just got worse.)

Embrace the Snuggles
It's been 6 months since I've had this much time with my boys.  It was heaven.  Even with the jet lag, we had a post-trip high that lasted until last weekend (which probably made that difficult Saturday even worse).  I'm sure that we would have loved having the same amount of time together if we'd stayed at home, but the fact that we were somewhere different (and I didn't have the distraction of all the things I should be doing) made it easier to really connect and not drive each other crazy.  

We have a few smaller scale trips coming up over the holidays, but I'm already planning our next big trips (while desperately hoping that Zachary turns out to be as good a traveler as Finn is).

Mickey Mouse!

Finn has lots of things he loves - planes, Nemo, Simba (his current favorite imaginary friend), bubbles, shaking his booty, but his absolute favorite is Mickey Mouse.  This love started after Disney World last winter; I think the trip started it, but Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is definitely what has cemented this love.

So I was overjoyed when I was notified that I had a speaker training conference in Orlando this past weekend.  Of course I was going to bring Finn and Nanny M with me, so it seemed completely reasonable to add on an extra day and make a quick visit to Disney World again.

I am so glad we did it!  The entire day was great, and Finn was happy and enjoyed it all, even though it was a whirlwind trip of 3 parks in one day and kept him out way past his bedtime.  By far the very best part was meeting Mickey Mouse.  I was a little worried that he would be scared, so I prepared him by showing him a picture of another single mom friend and her baby with Mickey and Minnie, and talked a lot about what it would be like to meet them.

It's such an overused word at Disney, but the 5 minutes we spent with Mickey and Minnie truly were magical.  He was SO excited to see them, and to give them high fives and tell them he loved them. And ever since then he hasn't been able to stop talking about meeting them and loves to look at the pictures.

I can't wait to take him back and have more time, as I now have a really good idea of exactly how to plan a good Disney vacation with a young child...but I'm guessing it will be a few more years before I have the chance for a real Disney vacation again!

Until then, I'll enjoy this wonderful memory:

Just What the Doctor Ordered

I'm kicking off my board review studying with a review course this week. There were two I considered - this one on Marco Island in Florida, or one in Boston in March.  As much as I love Boston, the beach in January sounded much more appealing!

We had an early morning flight, and were checked into our room by lunchtime.  We quickly changed into clothes appropriate for 84 degree weather, and then ate our lunch by the pool.  We then spent hours by the wonderful kiddie pool, with a short diversion on the beach, where Finn was terrified by the sea gulls (which really do look big enough to carry him away).

Nanny M and I took turns with Finn in the water before we went to the beach, and when we came back, Nanny M relaxed in the sun while Finn and I played.  We sat in the shallow end, then went into the deeper water where we spun and splashed and blew bubbles and had a wonderful time.  All the while, Finn said over and over again, "Happy happy happy!" punctuated with lots of hugs, kisses and giggles.

Such a lovely day.

Disney Weekend

I have always liked Disney, but I'd never loved Disney until I saw it through the eyes of a toddler.  We had such a wonderful - dare I say magical? - weekend.  It was exhausting, and funny and entertaining and fun.  We had to work around Finn's schedule, making sure he got his nap in and was in bed at a reasonable time every night, which also meant that we had an excuse for an afternoon nap as well. I also highly recommend a 4:1 adult to child ratio for any Disney trip.  Especially after the first day, when Finn was more comfortable with everyone, it was so nice to be able to share the child care responsibilities!

Rather than bore you all with long details about what we did, I'm just going to share some of my favorite pictures from the trip.

Every park has a huge tree at the entrance - this is going into Animal Kingdom

Finn loved the shows - we saw the Lion King and Finding Nemo  - both adult and toddler approved

Aunt Jennie pointing out Mickey and friends

Dragging his finds through the store

Fish were a big hit, too

His first ride

Loving Dumbo 

Flying!

He definitely did NOT like Donald (shameless stolen from the Disney pictures website)

Osborne Family Lights were amazing!

I just really like this picture

Playing the "1, 2, 3!" game to keep Finn on the move

Before bed fun with Heidi

Really loved the fish

Jennie, Steve and Finn happy to spot the kangaroos

Finn is still talking about meeting Mickey Mouse!

Another favorite ride

Heidi and Finn taking it all in

Riding Space Mountain (while Finn was home with Uncle Steve!)

Love Cinderella's Castle at Christmas

Happy to wake up in Disney World

Last glimpses of the Zebras

Happy Holidays!

Room with a View

The past two weeks have been incredibly hectic.  Work is busy, and then Finn, Nanny M and I went to Phoenix last weekend for a work trip.  We flew out Friday and came back Sunday night; four hours on a plane each way with a toddler.  Amazingly, Finn loves to fly, and was so good on both flights.  He got a little anxious while we were waiting to take off, bouncing in my lap and shouting "Move! Move!"  And when it was time to get off the plane he got impatient then, too.  The guy in front of us was taking too long to get off the plane and so Finn yelled at him: "Go! Go! Go!" He made the poor guy nervous, but everyone else thought it was funny.

This past week has been one of the worst ever.  Nanny M developed a toothache right before we went to Phoenix, and so took the day off on Monday to go to the dentist.  Our neighbor watched Finn, stopping by to get him a little before I had to leave.  Of course he cried.  And then I got in my car, turned the ignition and my car wouldn't start.  I'd left a light on in the backseat the night before, and my battery was dead.  None of my other neighbors were home, so I had to call the sitter back to jump start my car.  The screaming from Finn when I left after we started my car was awful.  "Ma-MAAAA!"  I cried.  He's usually clingy when I leave him with Nanny M, but rarely cries for more than a minute, so I'm just not used to this.

Turns out Nanny M had fractured her tooth into multiple pieces.  The dentist couldn't just pull it, he had to surgically remove it, and told her it was going to hurt for a long time while it heals.  There was no way she could work on Tuesday.  The neighbor was busy, and while my friend LB was able to watch him in the afternoon, I couldn't find anyone to watch him in the morning.  My next open appointment to see a patient at work is in February, but I had no choice, I had to cancel clinic for the morning.  We're double booking all the patients that had to reschedule, so at least they'll be seen.

LB came to get him around 12:30 (with much crying from Finn), and right before they left he had a very gross diaper.  A few hours later LB texted me that Finn was having a lot of gas, diarrhea, and was crying.  This lasted until about an hour before I picked him up, and then he was fine.  His poop is still nasty (worst smell I have EVER smelled) and his gas is almost as foul, but he seems to feel fine.

Wednesday, LB was late getting Finn, so I was late for work, and he cried and screamed when I left. Of course I know he was happy 10 minutes later, but leaving a crying baby is just heartbreaking.  LB kept Finn until lunch, then she brought him over to my house to meet Nanny M around 1:30.  One thing neither of us thought about (until 1:30 ) was that the neighbor had Finn's car seat and Nanny M's house key.  The neighbor wasn't home, and wasn't answering her phone.  And it was drizzling.  I work about 30 minutes from home, so me driving home wasn't going to work.  Amazingly, my office manager offered to drive my key up there, so I was able to see patients and Finn and Nanny M got in the house.

Thank goodness this week was a short week.  I'm writing this from our hotel room, while Finn naps.   (Yes, three trips in three weeks.  I am crazy.) This is the view from our balcony:

No, we're not in Africa.  But we are in the next best place: Walt Disney World.  16 months ago, when my friend Jennie came to stay with me after Finn was born, she suggested that we meet for a long weekend at Disney this December.  After all that time planning, I can't believe we're finally here!

Stay tuned to my Instagram feed for more pictures of our weekend fun.  I'm hoping next week is a little calmer so I can post about our weekend, and maybe finally get my supplements post finished.

Thanksgiving Weekend

For the past few days I've been working on a post about the supplements I decided to take to help improve my chances of getting pregnant - supplements that I decided on after a lot of research.  It's taking longer than I thought to write, so I thought I'd take a break and write about our Thanksgiving weekend.

We had Thanksgiving dinner at my my favorite aunt and uncle's house - my Grandmom was there, too, as well as a cousin with her new boyfriend.  Finn was shy at first, but quickly warmed up to everyone and had fun being the center of attention.  It was a wonderful evening of good food and time with some of my favorite family members.  And of course, I only took one picture the entire evening!

Finn's Second Thanksgiving

Friday we met with a friend and her adorable daughter for brunch, and then spent the afternoon with my parents and my grandmom.  My grandmom was one of my heros when I was a little girl. I wanted nothing more than to spend time with her, and we'd make up stories about what my life would be like when I grew up.  She had all sorts of dreams and stories, went hunting for worms to go fishing with, fished every weekend with my granddad, grew her own vegetables, and spent all summer canning and freezing them.  Now she takes 10 minutes to walk from the living room to the bathroom, spends most of her time in her room watching television and usually doesn't get involved in conversations more deep than the last play in the football game. It makes me sad to know that this is one of the last times I'm going to spend with her (and she was the main reason we came down for here this year), and sad that she is no longer to strong woman I once knew.  But it was wonderful to see Finn with her. He grinned at her, he hugged on her and even gave her a few kisses.  She seemed more like the woman I remembered when she interacted with him.

I love Thanksgiving.  I love the time with family and with friends, and the chance to stop for just a moment and reflect not on what is missing in my life, but the blessings I do have in my life.  It's something I don't do often enough - ok, so I think about how lucky I am to have Finn every single day, I will never forget to be thankful for that amazing blessing.  But the other stuff is easy to forget until Thanksgiving comes along.

I am so thankful I managed to get a plane ticket to come down this weekend to spend time with my family.  I'm thankful for the childhood memories my grandmom gave me.  I'm thankful for a delicious meal with my family. I'm thankful for my mom's pecan pie.  I'm thankful for stretchy pants, and a diet that let me lose three pounds last week...three pounds that I'm sure I put back on this weekend.  I'm thankful that today is CD2, and I'm a month closer to my next try for baby #2.

I'm thankful for parents who adore my son, who love spending time with him, and who are smart enough to live somewhere that allows us to spend an afternoon at the beach in November.