PreOp and Neonatologist Visit

As of 12:15 this afternoon, I'm officially on maternity leave!  I spent the afternoon in various medical appointments, which was exciting and exhausting.  I had my last prenatal OB visit first, complete with a nonstress test and then a visit with the doctor who will be delivering Chimi.  As I checked out, the receptionist told me I was the best patient, "You've been on time for all your appointments, and that never happens with physicians."  My parents would be shocked to hear I was never late.

From there I went over to the hospital and had my preop labs done, and completed everything for registration, and got my final pre-op instructions.  I then met with a neonatologist.

I think I've neglected to mention that they've been following something with Chimi on all these ultrasounds I've had, something that's probably nothing, but is enough of a something that neonatology is now involved.

At about 20 weeks, they noticed a few little calcifications in the liver.  This is usually a benign and isolated finding, but sometimes associated with trisomies or congenital CMV.  So I had the Materniti21 test done, which was normal, and had my CMV titers rechecked (I was positive before, but they double checked my IgM to be sure I hadn't had a reinfection, and it was negative.)  They've stayed the same the entire pregnancy, and no other ultrasound findings have popped up to raise suspicion for either CMV or an undetected trisomy.  Then with Finn's history, there's always the concern for a mass, even though both the genetic counselor and Finn's oncologist have both said there's not a genetic link with neuroblastoma, and Finn and Chimi only share 50% DNA, and neuroblastoma would not be expected to show up as a primary tumor in the liver.

But, they still want to be sure that everything is ok. So neonatology saw me today, and talked about what they would do - plans for a full physical exam, a blood count and an abdominal ultrasound. If all those are fine, then there's no other worries.  But worse case scenario - he may need more evaluation such as an MRI, a CT or other interventions.

We also talked about the stuff that all c-section babies may face, mainly respiratory issues, and of course possible issues like low blood sugars because of my gestational diabetes, that might lead to a NICU stay.

After all that, the neonatologist (who had a wonderful dry sense of humor and was just wonderful) suggested that I take a NICU tour to familiarize myself with it, and "to ward off evil spirits" he then looked me straight in the eye and said, "and I really believe that."

So once we were done, I got a tour of the NICU, which is just amazing.  It's ALL private rooms, and each room has a comfy chair, a bed, and a breast pump, so that parents can actually stay with their babies day and night, and they encourage this, no matter how sick the baby is.  It was a lovely, calm place.  And I hope I never set foot in there again.

Both my perinatologist and the neonatologist reassured me that they don't think I should worry too much, but "if there wasn't anything to worry about, we wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation."

I'm scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 5:45am on Friday morning, and will have another nonstress test, and get prepped for surgery, then am expected to be in the OR at 7:15.  The c-section probably won't actually happen until around 8, and then if all goes well, we should be in our room by 10 or 11am.  I'm hoping to be eating a hamburger and a chocolate shake with Reese's cups in it by around 1pm  (yes, food ranks up there as one of my biggest priorities!), and updating my blog at some point in the afternoon  The nurses told me today that the OB group I'm with has a great standing protocol for getting patients up and moving, and for pain management, so most of their patients do great with pain control, better than the other groups' patients.  Which was very reassuring to hear, and has me feeling more confident that this recovery will be better than my last.

I'm so ready for this baby to be born, and really hoping that all his tests are normal.  It would be lovely to have a child with no major health issues.  Amazingly lovely.

The Home Stretch

This pregnancy has felt like it's lasted forever.  I joked at work last week that everyone in the office might think that I've only been pregnant for 9 months, but in reality, I've been pregnant for 2 years. And it really does feel that way.  It's been hard to believe there's ever going to be an end in sight.  Except that delivery is now less than two weeks away.  My last day of work is a week from tomorrow.  In one week, I'll be on maternity leave.

I have been so focused on all that I've had going on this pregnancy that I've not really focused on the baby that's growing in me.  That's not to say that I haven't reveled in the fact that he's so active (he moves 3-4 times more than Finn ever did on a pretty constant basis) or not spent a lot of time rubbing my belly. No, I've definitely enjoyed those parts of pregnancy.  But what I haven't done is spent much time really thinking about what this baby is going to be like, and what life is going to be like with two.

Last week I finally got around to getting some books for Finn about a new baby in the house, and those books are what I thought about when I woke up in the middle of the night last night with my regularly scheduled pregnancy insomnia.  And it occurred to me that in less than two weeks I'll be awake in the middle of the night again, but this time because there's a baby that needs to be fed.

And that's when it finally seemed real. We're about to become a family of three.  And I'm so excited and nervous and thankful all at the same time.  And a little overwhelmed, too.

I have no idea what Chimi is going to be like.  I know as an occupant of my uterus, he's very opinionated, and will let me know if I'm in a position he doesn't like.  He gets the hiccups quite frequently, likes it when I have dark chocolate, and loves to ram his butt into my rib cage (when he isn't trying to wedge a foot between it and my liver, that is).  But unlike when I was pregnant with Finn, I really have no sense of what his personality will be like once he's born.  At first that bothered me, but now I'm looking forward to getting to know this new little boy.

A new perspective about having a child conceived from donor eggs hit me a few weeks ago, and I've worried much less about that since then, too.  I've spent a lot of time worrying about how he'll feel when he's 10 or 20, knowing he's not genetically related to me.  But until recently, I hadn't thought about how he'd feel it when he's 6 months, or 2 years, or 3 years old.  Because of course, at that age he won't understand.  Which means that he won't care.  For the formative years of his young life, all he'll know is that I'm his mommy and that I love him unconditionally, with all of my heart.  And once he is old enough to understand what it means to have come from donor eggs, I hope that the foundation of security in his place in my heart and our family will be so strong that it will never be something that makes him feel sad or angry.  I know that the closer delivery comes, the less important the details of his conception have become to me.  He's my son, and that's all that really matters.  I really hope that he truly understands that, and never questions his place in my heart.


Holy shit.  Ten days from now, I'll have two kids!

We Survived the Move!

The new house is a mess, the move was beyond horrible (worst moving experience I've ever had), and I'm absolutely exhausted, so rather than an update post, I'm just going to share something Finn said tonight.

I was giving him another serving of mac and cheese at dinner when he reached out to touch my tummy.  "Hi," he said, "I'm your big brother.  Are you ready to come out yet?"

*pause*

"Oh, ok."

And then he went back to eating.

I really hope the response he heard was, "Nope, I'm waiting until February 7th"!

Me, Finn and Chimi a couple of weeks ago

Name and House Updates

Thank you for all the great name suggestions!  There were a lot I liked and a few I loved, but with every single one I thought, "I still like Zachary better."  So while it's not set in stone, I'm pretty sure it's going to be his name.  (Oh, and Isis was right, I do have a nephew named Oliver.  Finn and Ollie are VERY cute together!)

I'm still stuck on a middle name, though.  I don't have any one who I'd like to name him after, but I still really want a name that has meaning.  I like the idea of finding a name that has a meaning I really like, so I'll be spending some time on the baby name websites looking for one syllable names with a sound and meaning that I really like.

(Though in the back of my mind, I'm still thinking of Sawyer as a first name.  But Finn and Sawyer?  That's just a little too Mark Twain.  Right?)

****

My new house is still being built at record speed.  The drywall is up, and they started on the siding a few days ago.  I can't believe how much has changed in just a few short weeks.  If they can continue to work at this pace, it really will be ready by the end of the year (which is next month, can you believe it?)

Finn standing in the kitchen wondering where the sink is

Once I move, I'm really going to have to work on expanding my social circle.  I'm not very good at doing that, as I tend to be very reserved when I first meet people, and that doesn't make it easy to develop new friendships.  I hope it will be easier when there are children involved, but I think I'm going to have to work on not being so reserved when I first meet people...without seeming overly enthusiastic and scaring them off.  I'm so jealous of people who are naturals at the whole social scene thing.

Names Names Names

It's been brought to my attention that Chimichanga is not a name that grows with a boy, and that perhaps I should consider an alternative.  (Though really, what's not to love about a boy named Chimi?)

This is hard.  For years I've know that if I had a son, his name would be Finnegan.  And while I wasn't 100% set on a name, I was pretty sure if I had a daughter she'd be either Katherine (Kate) or Alexandra (Alex) with the middle name Marget (which is a combination of my two grandmother's names).  But I never considered what name I'd go with if I had two boys!  And now I have a few names I like, but I've not yet been able to settle on one.  It might be that I won't know his name for sure until he's born, but I'd really like to come up with one now - especially since there are some personalized things I'd like to buy for both boys this holiday season.

And so I'm looking for some suggestions, as I want to be sure there's not a name out there that I just haven't thought of yet.  Maybe I haven't heard the right name yet and I'll know as soon as I hear it. Or maybe I've already decided on the right name and I just don't know it yet.  And I'm open to suggestions for both first and middle names!

My last name is two syllables, and I think names that are either 1 or 3 syllables sound best with it.  My top contender right now is Zachary - I like the way it sounds with my last name, and I like the sound of Finn and Zach (or Zack?)  I was looking for a cool Irish name, but there's just nothing I love, at least not that I've heard yet.  So Zachary is my top choice right now, though I like Nicholas, too.

I have no contenders at all for a middle name.  None.  I feel like the middle name should be the name that holds some significance for me, but I just haven't thought of anything.  I'm just not feeling creative at all! Maybe that's what's holding me back from going with Zachary, as I can't figure out what goes with it.

Suggestions, please?  Unusual, cool, funky or even run of the mill name ideas are all welcome!

And the Verdict Is....

It didn't take long during today's ultrasound for Chimi to get in the perfect position to answer the big question...

It's definitely a BOY!

I have to admit, my first reaction really was disappointment.  I had a hard time focusing on the ultrasound and not on the two big worries I have about having two boys.  The first is the whole circumcision thing.  I did have Finn circumcised - and then wished I hadn't, because it was so traumatic for me.  I can't imagine having the two boys different, so I'll do it again.  But I want to be sedated for it.  (Only partially kidding.)  The second is that I had this idea that if they were different genders, it would downplay the difference in genetics between the two.  But I know that's silly - and I also know that boys are less likely to worry about that sort of thing than girls are, anyway.

Chimi was bouncing all over everywhere, though, so it wasn't long before I forgot about my disappointment and was oohing and ahhing over the perfect little fingers and toes, the adorable profile (which, even at 16 weeks reminds me of Finn's), the beautiful 4 chambers of the heart, and that breath taking view of the spine.

Everything looked great, he was healthy and wonderful, which was a huge relief to see.  I do have a partial placenta previa, but I did with Finn, too, and it resolved by 20 weeks, so hopefully this will do the same.  I go back in 5 weeks for a fetal cardiac echo (now recommended for all IVF babies) and to check on the previa.  The MFM is also going to do a little research on neuroblastoma, and while she agreed with everyone else that it's not an inherited thing, she also understands that this will be a constant worry in the back of my mind.  So she's going to see if there are any references for identifying those tumors in utero so that they can be sure to look in the right places, and help reassure me that all is well.

This morning Finn told me he didn't want a baby sister any more, he wanted a baby brother.  This afternoon he said that he didn't want a baby brother, either.  "I want a baby Chimichanga!"

Almost 16 Weeks

"Baby Chimichanga in Finn's tummy!"

I'm pretty sure that June and July were the longest months ever recorded in human history.  And now here it is, almost the end of August and I'm almost 16 weeks pregnant.  (If you go by my transfer date, I'll be 16 weeks Tuesday, if you go by the due date my RE gave me after my first ultrasound, I'm 16 weeks tomorrow.)  My nausea is finally easing up - last week I was able to cut down and then completely eliminate Zofran, and this week, I was eating almost normally.  Tomorrow I'm going to try going back to salads for lunch again, though I'm a little worried about what that might do to my blood sugar.  When I was feeling my worst, I was shocked to discover that my after meal sugars were only high after eating less carbs instead of more.  Even this past week, when I switched up the croissant on my turkey melt for the healthier option of whole wheat, my sugar spiked.  It makes no sense to me or my partners at work, but thus far they've prescribed a high carb diet for me.  Which is lovely, but it feels so unhealthy.  I'm ready to start feeding this baby healthy foods!

Tuesday is my anatomy scan.  Over the past few weeks, I've revisited the time immediately before and after my anatomy scan with Finn.  It's such a pivotal moment in a pregnancy, at least it is for me.  The moment when a few of the maybes and possiblies become realities.  The moment when the list of potential names is cut in half, when I know if I should pick up that cute pink onesie in the store, or go with the blue one, when I can start using he or she instead of he/she or it.  When I can tell Finn, "your baby brother" or "your baby sister" instead of "your baby brother or your baby sister" (which usually results in me being corrected by Finn, "baby SISTER.")

I'm not going to lie.  I'm going to be a little disappointed if it's another boy.  Not devastated disappointed (as I have a suspicion I might be a better boy mommy than girl mommy - and boys are pretty darn great), but disappointed nonetheless.  So these last few days - hours - of not knowing are a little bittersweet.  If I find out that Chimi is a boy, I'll feel a pang that will quickly pass, but it's almost nice to be where I am right now, not knowing.

Almost nice.  But not nice enough to decide to wait until the baby is born to find out!  I have been talked into a gender reveal party at work, though.  I was already feeling a little disappointed that almost everyone will find out via text, call or blog, and almost no one will hear the news in person, so I'm glad that I got talked in to this!  A drug rep friend is going to have a cake made for us at work - I'll call her after the scan and let her know the gender, and then she'll bring the cake by for lunch on Wednesday.  That means I'll have to keep the secret for a little while longer at work (which will be hard, I know they'll be pestering me!) and I'm going to delay my announcement on Fac.ebook by a day.  I still haven't made this pregnancy FB public, yet, as I'd decided to hold off until I could share the gender at the same time. Another day won't make a difference, I don't suppose.

And now I need to get back to studying.  Blergh.

Bullet Post

I think this might be the longest I've gone without posting an update since I started writing this blog.  It's not that I don't have updates, I just have no time.  So here's a bullet update, with no whining or complaining.  (Well, not much.)

• I had my third ultrasound last Friday, and Chimichanga still looks great!  I've been released to my OB...although getting an appointment with my OB has proved to be ridiculously difficult.  From refusing to let me keep my appointment last Tuesday ("What if something bad happens at your ultrasound on Friday and then we've done all that work for nothing?") to insisting that they get a full report from my RE - who doesn't do full reports, presumably because most people don't want DONOR EGG splashed all over their medical records.  I'm 11 weeks today and still don't have a new OB appointment scheduled.  At this point in my pregnancy with Finn, I'd already had my first trimester screening.  I miss my old OB.  I wonder if she'll break her ban on no more deliveries just for me?  (A girl can dream!)
• Thank goodness I'm a doctor, because I've already been monitoring my blood pressure and blood sugar, and was able to get one of my partners to write me a Zofran prescription.  (Who needs prenatal care anyway?)
• Zofran has worsened my constipation, but at this point, I don't care.  I can function during a good chunk of the day.  And sometimes even eat real food.  Well, protein and carbs.  Still no veggies.  :(  But still, I'm feeling better.  And that feels like a miracle right about now.
• Finn is a funny kid these days.  One of his favorite phrases is "I like ____" or "Finn likes ____".  Recent examples:
• "Mommy, what's that?"  "That's a mushroom."  "I like mushrooms." 
• "Go up hill! Finn like hills."
• "Want to eat On the Border. I like the border on there." 
• "What's that, Mommy?" "Those are orca." "I like orca. Orca eat Happy Feet." 
• I bought him a play kitchen and surprised him with it on Saturday morning.  Better than Christmas!  He is in love with his kitchen, and is very good at making applesauce, coffee, and refried beans with cumin.  Oh, and mac and cheese.  That's his favorite.

This week is a crazy week - out of town all day tomorrow to give a talk 3 hours away (I have a driver, so I'm watching a movie, and doing board review on the drive).  Work meeting one night and going to see Dave Matthews Band one night as a late birthday present from LB (will be taking an extra Zofran that day!)  I'd really rather just sleep the week away, but it doesn't look like that's an option.  

Ultrasound #2

This morning's ultrasound was perfect. There was that moment when I held my breath as I could see what looked like an 8 week old fetus come into view, and then as the tech zoomed in, I could see the little heart beating away. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, and got a little teary eyed as the sound of the heartbeat filled the room. My RE was able to be there, so he narrated everything we saw, including the now much smaller yolk sac, the placenta, the clearly visible femur and arm buds, and then, as we were watching, the baby moved! Not much, just a little head wiggle, but it was so cool! 

I have the day off today, and so does Nanny M, so Finn had to come with me to my appointment. My friend Lisa met us and held Finn during the scan - he did say "Baby!" when watching the screen, but I'm sure he didn't really get what he was seeing. I'm holding off officially telling him "Mommy has a baby in her tummy" until my last ultrasound with my RE in two more weeks. Then I'll feel comfortable telling everyone. 

I figured that placental hormone production must have really kicked in this week, because my nausea went from icky to awful. Waves of fighting back throwing up, and just plain feeling awful. I wasn't quite sure how I could survive feeling that bad, then an OB friend suggested less drowsy Dramamine. Wow, does it help. It's supposed to last 24 hours, but seems like it only really lasts for about 12, but at least I can eat now. I don't feel well by any means, but this level of queasiness I can handle. 

RBA called just a little while ago and confirmed my theory on placental hormones when the nurse told me I can cut my estrogen patches down to 2 instead of 4 - which is lovely, as I hate taking those things off! It always hurts, and takes me a few minutes to steel myself to be able to remove each one. (I know, I'm a wimp.) I also get to decrease my Crinone from twice a day to once a day - also lovely since Crinone is just gross. Hopefully decreasing these hormones will also help my nausea so I can stop the extra medication. 

While we were at my RE's, we walked past the room where I had my IUI with Finn. Of course, I couldn't miss up a photo op, and so I took his picture standing just inside the room.

My computer is once again in the shop (but this time covered under warranty) so I'm posting this from my crappy work computer.  No idea what's up with the font on this post!