#Microblog Mondays - Last Day to Be 3!

Somehow it's May 11th, and tomorrow Finn will be 4 years old.

He's alternated between absolute excitement and joy "I can't wait another minute!" to wistful sadness "I don't want to turn 4, I want to stay 3."  It's unexpected, seeing my feelings about this day so perfectly mirrored in my child.

I'm going to miss the sweetness of Finn as a 3 year old.  I'm exhausted from the sassiness and limit testing of Finn as a 3 year old.  I'm looking forward to what life with Finn as a 4 year old will be.

Tonight I'm going to go watch my 3 year old as he sleeps.  Drink in the yummy smell of him, watch his toes wiggle in his sleep, and kiss his soft, smooth cheek.  Then once again, thank God and the universe for giving me this beautiful, blue and brown eyed boy to call my son.

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#MicroblogMondays - Family Dinner

Ever since we've been in our new house, we've had dinner at the kitchen counter.  It's great for convenience as I clean up after dinner and Finn takes an hour to finish eating.  But now that Zachary is getting older (but not yet old enough to sit at the counter with us), it feels like he's being left out of family dinner, even though his high chair is right next to us.  And for some reason, sitting next to each other seems to make it easier to not talk as much, and for my wandering eyes to catch sight of my phone and be tempted into checking my email. While we're eating at the same time, it just doesn't feel like family dinner.

So today, I decided to have dinner at our dining room table.  Finn and I cooked dinner together; he cracked the eggs and scrambled them while I chopped tomatoes and heated up the skillet.  Then he and Zachary shared a stool to watch as I sauteed the garlic, then the tomatoes and then the spinach (wish I could have gotten a picture of that, but there was no way I was leaving the two of them next to the open flames for even a second!), and supervised as I poured the eggs on top.

I then had just enough time to fix everyone's fruit and drinks before the frittata was done, all the while dealing with a fussy toddler who wanted to be held, but then got mad when I picked him up.

Then we all sat down together to eat as a family. Finn declared the dinner delicious. Zachary tried hard to use his fork. Finn and Zach "talked" to each other as we ate, and Finn talked more to me than usual when he realized that Zach was paying attention. I was really surprised at how much fun it was for all of us.  There are going to be days where it's just not practical, or that I'll need to move them back to the kitchen to finish up while I clean up, but we're definitely going to do it more often.

Though hopefully next time it won't end with Zachary spilling Finn's very full glass of milk all over the floor and then slipping in it.

#Microblog Mondays - Making a Kid Happy

"Today do you have to go to work?"

Finn says those words every single morning.  It may not be the first thing he says, but he usually says it within the first 5 minutes of being awake.

Many nights he climbs into bed with me in the middle of the night, but some nights he sleeps the whole night in his room and then comes into my room after I'm already up and in the bathroom.  Even on those mornings, when it's still dark outside and I'm in the shower, he comes in, rubbing eyes against the light: "Today do you have to go to work?"

Sunday morning we all slept late, and the sun was up with the covers of my bed bunched at the bottom when I heard Finn walk into my room.  He paused, and then said in a worried and sad voice, "Mommy?"

"I'm right here," I said, and Finn ran to my bed, climbed up and snuggled up next to me.  He was quiet for a few minutes, and then he asked, "Today do you have to go to work?" I told him no, and he said, "I came in here and didn't see you, and I thought you had already gone to work. But then I heard your voice and you were here!"  He swung his arms wide, "I'm going to hug you now!"

We then spent at least ten minutes talking about what days I'll stay home, and what days I'll work.  "Tomorrow do you have to go to work? The next day? The next day? The day after that? The next day?"  Every "yes" was met with a frown, and every "no" was meet with a huge grin.

Someday it will take more than a day off from work to make him this happy.  But today.  Today I love being able to make him so happy just by being with him all day.

#MicroblogMondays: Anger Management

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This age - this past year - has been such a mixture of pure fun and joy and absolute frustration and anger.  It's amazing how Finn can be a sweet kid who just wants to snuggle one second, and then get angry at me and throw something at my face the next.

It's been a struggle.  I don't want to yell.  I don't want to lecture.  I really don't want to hit.  But so often I don't know what to do.  The peaceful parenting resources I've found (some of which I've talked about here) have been so helpful, but there are still times I flounder.

Over the past week or so, I've realized I see myself in Finn's behavior.  Or more accurately, I see my actions reflected back at me.  The way he reacts when he's angry or frustrated, the things that push my buttons - they're me.  He's doing what I taught him to do.

I need to teach him a better way by modeling a better way.

Me, learning to control my temper.  This is going to be tough.

3 years old - #MicroblogMondays

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Random things from my 3 year old this past week that I want to remember:

I was drying my hair when Finn came running into the bathroom, grabbed a bunch of tissues and ran back out.  A few minutes later, I found him in the hallway, working on this piece of artwork.

Sunday morning, Finn locked the bathroom door, and then closed it.  I can't find the tool to unlock it, and haven't had time to get another one.  After 30 minutes of failed attempts to get the door to unlock, I gave up, and told Finn we couldn't brush his teeth last night.  "But then my teeth are going to rot out of my head!"  I still haven't gotten the door opened - so I told Finn we may never be able to use it again.  "We'll tell Zachary there's a whole bathroom on the other side of that door, but he won't believe us."

Yesterday Finn asked me if I was losing my patience.  When I said yes, he said, "Close your mouth, so the rest of it doesn't escape."

He also told me that he's going to go to the store and buy himself a new butt.  "I hope it doesn't poop on my hand when I buy it."

We no longer call minor injuries boo-boos.  We call them "owies" because that's what Sophie calls them.

Sophie was the only girl in Finn's class that I didn't meet at his school picnic last week.  The rest were all vying for his attention, and all wanted to dance with him - except Sophie.  Coincidence that she's the only one I've heard him talk about?  I think not.  (And how funny is it that Finn is the ladies man of the class?)

Finn played a game on my phone a few days ago.  I later found he'd taken 15 pictures of the toilet with his pee in it.

He Looks Just Like You - #MicroblogMondays

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"He looks so much like you!"

I'm used to hearing that about Finn, so one of my concerns when considering donor eggs for baby #2 was that he would look nothing like either of us.  What would that do to his psyche, his sense of belonging I wondered? I also dreaded the conversations with people: "He doesn't look like you, does he look like his dad?" And yet, I wanted another baby, and I knew donor eggs were my best bet. So I went with a donor I liked, and was told by the coordinator that she looked like she could be my sister.

And still, I was not prepared to hear what I've heard over and over again the past few weeks.  "Wow, he looks MORE like you than Finn does!"

I was also not really prepared for the fact that it doesn't really matter. At least not to me.  I see his little face light up when I walk in the room, and what that face looks like doesn't matter.  All that matters is that I love him so much my heart just about bursts with it.

(Though I have to admit, it does make me happy that I'll never have to worry about him feeling like he doesn't really look like he's part of the family.)