One Year

My dearest Zachary,

I can't believe you're a year old today.  We had a rare quiet moment together this morning in your room, as I rocked you while you nursed at the exact time you were born one year ago today.  It was the perfect way to start your big day.

This year has been a whirlwind blur of change and activity, and I've never been so tired in my entire life, but it's been worth every hour of lack of sleep.  You have brought such joy to our family in such a short period of time.  I love the way you are so free with your affection, climbing into my lap for a snuggle or holding on tight when I give you a hug.  One second your face is serious and solemn, and the next an enormous grin is stretching across it, or your entire face is scrunched into that sweet and silly smile of yours.  And your giggles - oh, it makes me heart sing to hear you giggle.

You love playing in water (and that leads to endless races to see who can get to the toilet first), eating, laughing at Zaphira and making lots of noise.  Your whole face lights up when your big brother walks into the room, and even when he's beating up on you, it's clear you adore him.

You are also fearless.  Your Aunt Uche says you need a shirt that says, "I crawl towards danger" and it's true.  I've already found you climbing on things, trying to figure out how you can get just a little bit higher, reach a little further.  I have a feeling you're going to give me more than a scare or two over the next few years.

You hate having your diaper changed.  When I tell you that you can't do something you want, your temper comes out.  Boy does it come out.  Screams, arching back - everyone knows when you're mad.  It never lasts long, though.  It never ceases to amaze me how you can go from crying and screaming to grinning and laughing in the blink of an eye.

It is so fun to watch your personality develop. It's already clear you are so different from your brother, but I think the two of you are going to make a great team.  I'm so lucky to be your mommy and I'm looking forward to the adventures this next year is going to bring.

Happy First Birthday, Zachary!

Mobility

Life in our house has changed a lot over the past few weeks.  Zachary is mobile and I'm amazed at how I'd forgotten how much a baby can get into.  His mobility does have his limits - he can only crawl backwards with any sense of confidence.  He did manage to crawl forward today, but then seemed so surprised that he fell over and hasn't done it again.  Most of the time he does a combination of sliding and rolling if he's trying to move in any direction besides backwards.  It's fun to watch him, but suddenly everything is at risk and I'm finding choking hazards everywhere. (Why are there so many small bits and pieces to all of Finn's toys?)

I love this age so much, but I'm also already missing the days where I could put him down and he'd stay where he was put.

The past few weeks I've made some time to work on some projects at home.  I've hung some pictures, rearranged furniture, and the landscaping in my backyard is finally getting done.  There's a lot more to do, and much of it is going to have to wait as all my money is going into my landscaping, but it feels good to get things done that make the place feel more comfortable and homey.  If only I could find a way to keep it neat.  (Is that even possible with two boys?)

This week's pictures are not my best efforts - but at least I got them!

9/24/14: the family bed

9/25/14: Z spends a lot of time trying to get away from F these days

9/26/14: Z's mornings involve a lot of time on the bathroom floor

9/27/14: walking the river greenway with friends

9/28/14: grocery shopping

9/29/14: blurry pic, but this expression is what I think of when I think of Z

9/30/14: happy boy at bedtime

Six Months!

Zachary is 6 months old today!  I can't quite believe it - the months have just flown by, but my short time on maternity leave already feels like a lifetime ago.  Finn has brought us all down with a cold, so it wasn't the most festive of half-birthdays, but it has still been a good day.

He is such a different baby than his big brother.  I am trying hard not to compare them when talking to them, but it's hard not to do comparisons in my mind. Zachary is about 5 pounds heavier than Finn at this age (he's 25 pounds) and longer as well, and currently wearing size 9-12 month clothes.  He has been eating solids since over a month ago and loves it.  It was a hard fight to get Finn to each solids, but Zachary liked the oatmeal we started with and he loves every other food he's tried since then, from avocado to prunes to green beans to sweet potatoes.  It rarely takes him long to fall asleep (sleep was already a battle at this age with Finn) and since I've started giving him solid food for dinner at night he's sleeping better.  Even with a cold, he allowed me a solid SIX hours of sleep a couple of nights ago.  I haven't had that much uninterrupted sleep since early pregnancy and it was wonderful.  (And with all this sleep I've been having some seriously crazy dreams.)

He is full of smiles, even when he doesn't feel well, and laughs a lot.  He adores his older brother and watches him constantly. It is so wonderful to watch them together.  The other night I was fussing at Finn for waking up Zachary just as he had fallen asleep, and those two boys looked at each other and shared identical mischievous smiles.  All I could think was, "Damn, I am in SO much trouble."

Zachary wakes up happy, and is fully of cheerful babbling.  He still wants to be held constantly, but is more content being put down now that he can sit in his high chair comfortably.  And I think he's finally the right stage to be able to put him in a carrier on my back (he's much too big to be comfortable with a front carry).

Here's the week in pictures! Every single one is a phone picture - it's been that kind of week.

7/30/14: this is what dinnertime looks like in our house these days

7/31/14: still loving his toes!

8/1/14: these sweet potatoes are delicious!

8/2/14: could this kid have more rolls? 

8/3/14: I like mangos, too!

8/4/14: taken just after these two shared a grin

8/5/14: sleepy boy with a cold (and in this picture you can see that his hair is starting to grow!)

Whirlwind

These past few weeks have been crazy and hectic and exhausting.  I don't know if I've ever felt so consistently exhausted in my entire life.  Both boys are changing at an amazing pace, I know that childhood goes quickly, but this is crazy!

I started Zachary on solids this past weekend - he had his first bite of oatmeal (mixed with a generous amount of breast milk) and has never looked back.  I didn't start Finn on solids until he was almost 6 months old, but Zachary has seemed interested in food and has been taking so much milk during the day, it just seemed like it was time.  The biggest reason I waited to start Finn on solids was because of the recommendations to wait until 6 months to decrease the risk of allergies, but now other studies are calling that into question, and one study showed that delaying solids until 6 months may increase the risk for type 1 diabetes.  So clearly no one has any idea what the right answer is - which is when it seems like it's best to go with my gut feeling.  And based on Zachary's reaction to oatmeal, it was the right thing to do.

I'm trying to take better care of myself lately. I've been moving more, and even did an hour of yin yoga before bed last night.  I've also been trying to sleep more, but there just aren't enough hours in the day.

The most impressive thing about this week's pictures are that Zachary is awake in every single one.  He still sleeps a lot, but he's more and more aware of the world around him when he's awake, and getting to be so interactive and so fun.  I don't want this age to ever end, and at the same time I'm really looking forward to him being a little older so it's easier for the three of us to do things together away from home.

6/18/14: he's not rolling over yet, but he's working on it

6/19/14: he's just about outgrown his swing, but it's still his favorite spot to nap

6/20/14: just minutes after his biggest meltdown ever - still not sure what caused it (gas?)

6/21/14: started solids today: one of his first bites of oatmeal

6/22/14: I don't think his eyes are going to stay blue, but I'm loving them now

6/23/14: pensive during snuggle time with mommy 

6/24/14: looking sharp in his overalls

Settling In

I think we're all settling into the new routine with me being back at work.  I've been managing to stay caught up on my paperwork, so I can come home in the evening and not think about work.  Which is amazing.

Zachary seems to be falling into a nice schedule with sleep. He naps 2-3 times a day most days, and his first nap of the morning is almost always within 2 hours of waking up.  I started putting him in his crib for for his morning nap last weekend, and it's been working well.  When he starts to make his "I'm tired" fussy noises, I put him down in his crib, turn on the mobile and leave the room.  He's usually asleep within 5-10 minutes with minimal fuss.  Finn never did that.  Ever.  Over the holiday weekend, I started putting him in bed after Finn goes to sleep.  He used to stay awake for a while after Finn went to sleep, but the past week has being going to sleep around 8.  So rather than holding him while he sleeps (which I really would prefer to do!) I've been putting him in bed, usually drowsy rather than awake.  A few nights he's woken up around 10:30 to eat, and then I just go to sleep with him.  That's exactly what Finn used to do, and for those few months that this routine worked, I got SO much sleep.  I hope this trend continues.

He's just started to notice his hands, and I love watching him watch them.  "Oh, look at these!" his face seems to say every time he sees them.  I don't remember this with Finn, but when Finn was this age he had been diagnosed with cancer and had already had his surgery - what I remember most about this age with Finn was fear.  So I'm absolutely loving this time with Zachary.  He's making noises all the time, and Finn and I have started making up what we think he's saying.  Finn thinks it's hilarious, and us laughing makes Zachary laugh.  Lots of laughing in our house these days.

Of course, there's lots of Terrible Three Syndrome going on around here, too.  But I'm navigating my way through it, and owe a lot of that to Kristie suggesting I get the audiobook The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting (thank you so much for breaking your no comment tradition to suggest it, Kristie!) I'm going to review it sometime in the next few weeks, but for now, suffice it to say it really spoke to me, and has given me more tools in my parenting arsenal, while also making me feel more confident in how I parent.  But still. It really is amazing how someone can make me laugh one second and make me ready to send him off to military school the next.

I've also got a few cooking posts in the works, finally, and of course, this past week's pictures.  I might actually get crazy in the next few weeks and force myself to take more with my real camera.  I love the ability to grab a quick picture on the go with my phone, but I'm also missing a lot of opportunities to improve my technical skills with my SLR by grabbing my phone instead.

5/21/14: I just love this outfit - and this is the best picture I have of him in it

5/22/14: in his favorite spot to watch dinner preparation

5/22/14 part 2: 3 minutes later

5/23/14: sweet sleeping boy

5/24/14: love their identical facial expressions here

5/25/14: morning family time with the ipad

5/26/14: ready for a walk

5/27/14: it was so hard to get out of bed with these two still asleep

First Week Back

The best part of blogging is writing a post and having others respond with comments like the ones I got a few days ago, that make me feel a little less crazy and a lot less alone in my feelings.  So thank you, both frequent commenters and those who only rarely comment, for taking the time to reply to my posts. I truly appreciate every single one.

This week has been exhausting, crazy and even a little fun.  It's been nice to get back to seeing patients, and one week in I'm managing to stay caught up with paperwork, which makes the days so much better.  I've had a relatively light schedule, and all my patients want to talk about my boys, so that helps.  I've managed to have all my clothes picked out for the week, and I planned all my meals as well, so mornings have been less stressful, and Finn and I have had healthy dinners together every night.  I really hope I can keep this up! I started using Google calendar for meal planning, and it's working very well - thanks to those who suggested it.

Zachary has adapted well to me being gone.  Unlike Finn, he took to the bottle immediately (his first bottle was just a few weeks ago), and is eating about 15-17 ounces a day!  At most, Finn took maybe 8 ounces in a whole day, and frequently did only 6.  I pump about 20 ounces, so I'm just barely making enough to be able to start to stockpile milk.  He's in a phase of sleeping almost all the time, but when he's awake he's full of smiles and coos and is just a cuddly, pudgy little guy.

Finn has had a harder time adjusting to me going to work. The first morning he told me he was going to go to work with me, "I can help you pay the bills, and be with you all day so you don't have to cry." The second morning, I was in the bathroom already when he woke up.  He came in and looked at me accusingly, "Why are you out of bed, Mommy?" He hit me on the arm when I told him I had to go to work, "No you don't, you have to stay with me all day."  Yesterday morning I started singing, "Goodnight sweetheart, well it's time to go," and he burst into tears, "I don't want you to go!" But he has fun all day with his Nanny M, so I don't feel as awful about leaving him.

I even managed to break out the SLR a couple of times this week.  I'm going to get back in the habit of leaving it out, so I can get at least a few shots a week with it, instead of my phone.  I may even try to use my camera remote and tripod to get a family shot this weekend.  Maybe.

4/30/14: sleeping on my lap

5/1/14: my boys together on my first morning back to work

5/2/14: sleeping close up

5/3/14: so full of smiles!

5/4/14: hanging out on big brother's bed

5/5/14: Monday morning - I was sleeping in between these two (yes, in that little space...my neck hurts)

5/6/14: A tummy without you just wouldn't be right, belly belly button you're a beautiful sight!