Christmas Traditions

I had it in mind that this year we'd start all sorts of Christmas traditions.  We'd do crafts, we'd go to all the usual Christmas activities, we'd have hot chocolate, take pictures and make amazing memories.

What I'd forgotten in this fantasy of sugar plums dancing in our heads was that Finn is a toddler.  Just leaving the house can be a struggle of epic proportions. He can make putting a shirt on so hard that I want to just give up and let him go naked. How on earth can we accomplish any of these amazing things on my Christmas list without every single one of them turning into a nightmare?

And then one of my SMC friends shared this article: To Mamas of Littles During the Holidays.  The entire thing is great, but there are a few lines that had the biggest impact for me.

Your small people who make everything hard? Because God is a gracious God to us tired mamas, they won’t remember this. They won’t remember that you yelled yesterday. They also won’t remember the Elf on the Shelf or the terrifying visit to Santa’s lap from your list of Fun Things To Accomplish. Nope. They’re just going to remember a warm, fuzzy, maybe slightly squishy version of Mama. They’re going to remember you were THERE. 

So I've given myself permission to not do all those activities.  We'll still make cookies, but only if we're both in good moods, and when I'm prepared for a long activity with a huge mess and lots of "I want to do it, all. by. myself." We'll try for the picture with Santa, but if he says he doesn't want it (like he did last week), then we'll skip it. Today when I'd planned to get all the Christmas decorating done, we made it through getting the tree up, but no ornaments, and got one box of decorations out.  Then Finn started to get difficult, so we put on a Christmas movie for 15 minutes, then went outside, and left the rest for me to do tonight.  Or tomorrow.

Playing with his Christmas train

We had a lovely bedtime - we read Christmas stories, sang a few Christmas songs (he's been waiting and waiting for Thanksgiving just so he could listen to Christmas music!) and cuddled a bit before bed. He's still awake, mainly because I broke my rule and let him nap for 2 hours instead of 1, but because we didn't have epic struggles over broken ornaments and placement of the Nativity Scene, I've got the patience not to yell at him, and he will hopefully remember a cuddly evening with his slightly squishy mommy.

Now I'm continuing my personal Christmas tradition, and have Love Actually playing, which means it's time to get up and trim the tree.

Name and House Updates

Thank you for all the great name suggestions!  There were a lot I liked and a few I loved, but with every single one I thought, "I still like Zachary better."  So while it's not set in stone, I'm pretty sure it's going to be his name.  (Oh, and Isis was right, I do have a nephew named Oliver.  Finn and Ollie are VERY cute together!)

I'm still stuck on a middle name, though.  I don't have any one who I'd like to name him after, but I still really want a name that has meaning.  I like the idea of finding a name that has a meaning I really like, so I'll be spending some time on the baby name websites looking for one syllable names with a sound and meaning that I really like.

(Though in the back of my mind, I'm still thinking of Sawyer as a first name.  But Finn and Sawyer?  That's just a little too Mark Twain.  Right?)

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My new house is still being built at record speed.  The drywall is up, and they started on the siding a few days ago.  I can't believe how much has changed in just a few short weeks.  If they can continue to work at this pace, it really will be ready by the end of the year (which is next month, can you believe it?)

Finn standing in the kitchen wondering where the sink is

Once I move, I'm really going to have to work on expanding my social circle.  I'm not very good at doing that, as I tend to be very reserved when I first meet people, and that doesn't make it easy to develop new friendships.  I hope it will be easier when there are children involved, but I think I'm going to have to work on not being so reserved when I first meet people...without seeming overly enthusiastic and scaring them off.  I'm so jealous of people who are naturals at the whole social scene thing.

Names Names Names

It's been brought to my attention that Chimichanga is not a name that grows with a boy, and that perhaps I should consider an alternative.  (Though really, what's not to love about a boy named Chimi?)

This is hard.  For years I've know that if I had a son, his name would be Finnegan.  And while I wasn't 100% set on a name, I was pretty sure if I had a daughter she'd be either Katherine (Kate) or Alexandra (Alex) with the middle name Marget (which is a combination of my two grandmother's names).  But I never considered what name I'd go with if I had two boys!  And now I have a few names I like, but I've not yet been able to settle on one.  It might be that I won't know his name for sure until he's born, but I'd really like to come up with one now - especially since there are some personalized things I'd like to buy for both boys this holiday season.

And so I'm looking for some suggestions, as I want to be sure there's not a name out there that I just haven't thought of yet.  Maybe I haven't heard the right name yet and I'll know as soon as I hear it. Or maybe I've already decided on the right name and I just don't know it yet.  And I'm open to suggestions for both first and middle names!

My last name is two syllables, and I think names that are either 1 or 3 syllables sound best with it.  My top contender right now is Zachary - I like the way it sounds with my last name, and I like the sound of Finn and Zach (or Zack?)  I was looking for a cool Irish name, but there's just nothing I love, at least not that I've heard yet.  So Zachary is my top choice right now, though I like Nicholas, too.

I have no contenders at all for a middle name.  None.  I feel like the middle name should be the name that holds some significance for me, but I just haven't thought of anything.  I'm just not feeling creative at all! Maybe that's what's holding me back from going with Zachary, as I can't figure out what goes with it.

Suggestions, please?  Unusual, cool, funky or even run of the mill name ideas are all welcome!

Moving - Part 2

One of my favorite things in life is travel.  I love exploring new places, to find myself a little nervous being somewhere completely foreign, to have my camera out as I capture the new sights around me.

Somehow I've never fully realized that despite this love of exploration, I'm really a huge homebody. And I'm strongly affected by where I live.  The past few years have been rough, but somehow it seems as though it's been even harder because my house isn't what I really want.  It's not awful - it's small and cramped, a little dark, and did I mention cramped? But I have nice neighbors (even though my nanny is better friends with them and has more in common with them than I do, they all love Finn and are always very friendly to me) and Finn definitely feels like this is home, even if I don't.

And that not feeling at home in my own home is part of what has made these past few years even harder than they should be. It's definitely been a drain on me emotionally, not ever feeling truly comfortable where I'm living, and it's been a surprise to me to realize how much it bothers me.  I was first resigned to the idea of living here with two kids, until I realized that there just isn't room.  And then I was resigned to the thought of hunting for another rental and making another move to a temporary home that just wasn't home.  I owe too much on my condo to buy a new home, and couldn't fathom a way to buy a new home until it sold.

Then I had the amazing luck of getting a lot more extra income than usual thanks to a lot of unexpected speaking engagements.  Then one of my coworkers told me about a loan program at a local bank for doctors. Both of these things suddenly made what seemed to be impossible actually possible.  I could buy a house after all.

I knew where I wanted to move - an area about 40 minutes from where I am now (but still just 30 minutes or so from work) with lower taxes, better schools and much lower home prices than where I am now (it's in a neighboring state, which explains how all this is possible).  I started to look at homes and couldn't find anything that matched what I was looking for, nothing in my price range anyway.  Until I expanded my search radius by just a mile, and found a new home community that was just starting to sell homes.  I went to their grand opening weekend, and found the exact floor plan I was looking for at a price that was actually less than my budget, so I could afford a few nice upgrades.  When does something like this ever happen?  It's certainly not the sort of thing that usually happens to me!  So I've been hesitant to post about it here, for fear that something would fall through.

It didn't go smoothly at first.  After signing the contract it took weeks and weeks to get everything finalized so they could start building.  And I started to worry that maybe it really was too good to be true.  But finally everything was finalized and they were able to start building.

New home site - a week after signing the contract

Now here it is, the middle of November, and I had my pre-drywall walk through this week.  My house has a foundation, walls, a roof, electrical wiring, plumbing and as of the past few days, insulation.  Drywall is next week, and they're projecting a closing date by the end of the year.

Same location - this past weekend

It's going to be stressful, as I'll likely move in a month before Chimi is born, and so will still have unpacked boxes galore and won't feel truly settled.  But I'll be able to have a big boy room for Finn, and a true nursery for Chimi, as well as a comfortable guest bedroom for my amazing friends who will be coming to help out.  And it just makes me happy deep in my soul to imagine bringing Chimi home to a place I truly feel is home, rather than to this house that I'm in now.

This would not have been possible if I'd chosen a more expensive home to rent, or if I hadn't lucked out with more talks than usual, or hadn't had a partner at work who was also looking to buy a home and had the time to do research into loans.  I'm feeling pretty damn lucky right now.  It's a nice way to feel - I hope it continues!

Remembering My Sense of Humor

Thank you for all the supportive comments and emails after my last post - as you could tell I was feeling so overwhelmed and so tired.  The overwhelmed feeling continues, but this weekend I got a huge amount of paperwork done and checked another huge stressor off my list, so it's getting better. And most importantly, I got a little more sleep.  Not enough, but it's better.

Before having a child, I had idyllic visions of what life with a child would be, and the type of parent I would be. It's humbling to realize that I'm just not capable of being that fabulous mom I dreamed of - not all the time.  And really, no one is - it's actually just a little ridiculous to expect myself to be able to live up to that idealized version of me.  All I can do is try.

To that end, I'm going to continue to work on getting good sleep. And the title of the book that Abby mentioned, Playful Parenting, got me thinking.  I usually have a good sense of humor in dealing with Finn when he's being a terror, but over the past few months I've lost that just about completely.  So I've been working on it.  (And Abby, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the book if you do get the chance to read it!)

My first attempt at restoring humor was unexpected.  Last week Finn woke up when I did, and when I started to get out of bed he got upset.  "Don't get up, Mommy!" While it's sweet he wanted me to stay in bed, I could tell from the sound of his voice that it was the beginning of a horrible morning, because of course I had to get up.  He was going to get really upset and the rest of the morning was just going to get worse.  And then I had a thought.  "I don't want to get up, but I have to poop.  If I don't go to the bathroom now, I'm going to poop in the bed."  It took a minute for that to sink in, and then he said with a sound of pure horror in his voice, "Get up, Mommy!  Go potty!  Don't poopy in the bed!"  And a few minutes later, he joined me in the bathroom, grinning from ear to ear, "Mommy didn't poopy in the bed!  Yay!"  And just like that, the tide turned and our morning was smooth and easy.

There are still a lot of meltdowns and tantrums and typical 2 year old behavior, but with sleep and humor (and a more realistic idea in my mind of what kind of mom I can be), it's a little easier. Now I need to bookmark this post and come back to it the next time I feel like I'm at my wit's end.

This weekend, in between my marathon paperwork sessions, I made some time for Finn and I to go out together with no time line or agenda.  On Saturday we spent 2 hours at a local plantation, which is pretty small but has pigs, chickens, sheep, goats, a cow and a horse.  Finn talked to the chickens, oinked at the pigs, looked at the other animals and ran and played.  I let him guide where we went and how long we stayed, even though that meant covering the same ground over and over again.  It was so nice to have that unrushed time with him, and we both really enjoyed it.

We had more tasks to get done on Sunday, but after his nap we went for a walk. I was hoping to get a few pictures by the tree I'd taken his Halloween pictures at last year, but he realized we were heading towards the playground, and that's all he could focus on.  So we spent some time at the playground, and then I managed to get a few pictures of him in the afternoon sun. I didn't get the pictures I was hoping for, but I did get a few cute shots, and again, we had a lovely afternoon.

No more pictures, Mommy! 

Happy Dance

I really need to make a few hours every weekend for some little activity like these.  Neither were terribly exciting, but just perfect for the two of us.

Several commenters also mentioned the recent mom and kid video that's been floating around Facebook, and someone sent it to me - it truly is wonderful.  If you haven't seen it, watch it now.  You'll be glad you did.


A New Perspective For Moms