Beta Results!

I did not POAS this morning, but I did for three mornings in a row, and saw darker lines each day.  I've wanted to post a picture like this one for over a year, and for awhile was worried I'd never get the chance.  But now, here it is, my three HPTs!

I went to my RE's office to have my beta drawn this morning, and at around 11am, I got a message from Libby, his nurse, "Hi Shannon!  I just wanted to let you know that I've got your lab results and I'm faxing them right now.  I'm not allowed to tell you anything, but I just had to tell you that it's good news!"  Then about 45 minutes later, my RE called himself.  He said he knew he wasn't the one to give me the news, but he just wanted to call and tell me congratulations himself.  I told him that I attributed his superior technique when performing my scratch biopsy last month to the success with this cycle.  And I forgot to ask him the actual results.

In the meantime, I'd posted to my FB SMC group about the RE's nurse calling me.  About the time Dr. M called me, I checked FB again, and saw a message from one of the SMCs in my group, asking if I'd meant to post that story to everyone on FB.  Because somehow I did.  Ooops.  Of course, I couldn't figure out how to erase it on my phone, so in a panic I called Jennie and got her to sign into my FB and erase it for me.  Of the 4 people who commented, two were SMCs, one was a friend who I know reads my blog and already knew the news, and the other was my doula.  Seven people liked my status, and I have no idea who those were, as it wouldn't show up once I'd erased it.  Seriously, I am not pregnant enough to have pregnancy brain yet!

Finally I heard from RBA - my beta is a respectable 251!  It was higher with Finn at a comparable day, but my betas were pretty high that time (and crazily, the lines on my HPT were much lighter - the darkest I got was lighter than my first HPT this pregnancy).

Over and over again over the past few years I've read blogs where the authors are pregnant and write about how much less worried they are about their second pregnancy, and how it doesn't consume their every waking thought.  I couldn't imagine that.  I really thought that because my first pregnancy ended in a loss, and this is really my third pregnancy, that I'd still be worried constantly.  And I do have some fears, of course, but I was able to forget multiple times today that I was waiting on my beta.  When I got my results I was happy, but not shaking with relief like I was almost 3 years ago when I got my first beta results with my second pregnancy.  But I don't forget I'm pregnant.  Not for a second.  That hasn't changed at all. It's a wonderful secret that I carry around with me every minute of the day. And it still seems a little surreal.  I'm pregnant.  Again.  I can hardly believe it.

Next beta is on Friday.  I'm not sure if I'll have to do another one on Monday, or if they'll be happy with just two before an ultrasound in about two weeks. I hope the two weeks past quickly! 

7dp5dt

Finn woke up early this morning, complaining that his finger hurt. He'd stuck his finger into a bowl of very hot grits yesterday morning, but hadn't complained about it after the initial crying until this morning.  After I got him some "medicine" for his finger, I gave in to my full bladder and POAS...well, in a cup, as I hate POAS.

As soon as I'd gotten the stick dipped in the pee, Finn yelled out that he had to poop.  I tried to put him off long enough to see if anything showed up, but when you're 2 and you've got to poop, there is no putting it off.  I tried to sneak a peak while I was getting his pants and diaper off, and again when I was putting him on the toilet, but it wasn't until he was safely seated (and pooping) that I was able to look at the pregnancy test.

And this is what I saw:

OMG!  It worked!  I'm pregnant!

And now to wait for my beta on Wednesday...and then of course the wait to the ultrasound...and then the wait to the next ultrasound...  Yep, lots of waiting ahead!  But I'm going to try hard not to let the waiting - and inevitable worry that comes along with it - do anything to ruin my enjoyment of this pregnancy.  

And hope that Finn doesn't remember that his finger hurts.

11dpIUI

I was pretty sure I was going to see two lines when I POAS this morning, so seeing just one was pretty damn disappointing.

Tomorrow is another day, and there's another box of pee sticks waiting.

TMI

This morning on the Today Show there was a segment about pregnant women sharing too much online. It wasn't exactly what I expected. See, I thought the TMI would be stuff like what I was planning on writing about today, but instead it ended up being a segment about women sharing things like videos of themselves after they see two lines on a stick - videos that they promptly post on YouTube and FB.

As I watched these women, I couldn't help but think that they'd certainly never dealt with IF - after the 4th or 5th cycle of POAS, the novelty wears off and women aren't set up with a video camera to record what is anticipated to be another BFN.  And there's absolutely no way they could have possibly experienced a pregnancy loss before, because their reactions to their BFPs were much to innocent and joyful.  I have to admit, I was a little bit jealous of the "Womb TV" women in all their blissful ignorance.  And then a little disappointed when I realized that this was the full extent of Today's coverage of pregnant women sharing too much online.  Because I really do have a TMI post here, and I had thought was a wonderful segue it would be into my post today, instead of an aside before I get started.

*warning:  this is where the TMI stuff comes in*


Yesterday morning, as I was getting into the shower, I noticed something weird on my nipple.  And when I brushed it off, I realized that with just the tiniest bit of squeezing, there's actually liquid coming out of my nipples.  And that weird something was actually some of that dried liquid.  It's a clear liquid, but it's there.  All the strange sensations I've been feeling in my breasts lately must really mean something is going on in there, and now my boobs are leaking.  I guess I should get used to it.

Last night, I finally remembered my plans to work on perineal massage.  I first heard about it from new mommy Oak, back when she was still pregnant and posted about it after a Hypnobabies class.  I did some research, and it turns out that massaging your hoo-hoo, when done properly, really does decrease the chance of tearing during delivery.  Read two very difficult to follow instructions here - that second one that is supposed to clarify things is a doozy; or read some very simple instructions here.  (Yes, I know it says to start this 6 weeks before delivery - I really meant to, but I was out of olive oil.)

It sounds easy enough, right?  Well, last night I discovered that I can't reach my hoo-hoo with my thumbs.  At least not both thumbs at the same time.  I can still bend over and touch my toes without bending my knees and I can still tie my own shoes, but I can not put both thumbs in my hoo-hoo at the same time.  It's a physical impossibility.  I'm so shocked - it never occurred to me that I might not be able to follow the instructions once I finally got around to trying.

Not only that, but even with one thumb pressing down as instructed, it hurts, even when I was barely using any pressure.  When I first tried it I thought, "Ouch!" and then I thought "Motherfucker!" (ok, so maybe I said that out loud.  It's not like Chiquitito hasn't heard it before.  And maybe ouch wasn't really my first thought.)  For a minute there I was seriously doubting my ability to make it through natural childbirth.  But then the pain eased up, and while I know I wasn't doing it exactly right, I could feel everything relax a little, and it was just a little stretching and not actually painful.  I know that tiny amount of pain is nothing compared to childbirth, but the fact that I'm willing to do it again tonight tells me that I might just make it.  Especially when I know there's the reward of a heathy baby ahead.  And no olive oil is involved.

(As an aside, even if I had a partner to help me with this, I'm not sure I would let him.  Things are definitely looking weird down there.  Yes I looked.  It felt so different, how could I not get out a mirror and check things out?)

I have no idea if a couple of weeks of doing this is going to be enough to actually help, but it's worth trying.  Unless of course I throw my back out while trying to get my hoo-hoo massaged properly.  Which is a distinct possibility.