No Happy Dance Here

There was only one sad line on my HPT this morning.

No AF yet, so I guess there's still hope, but not much.  I have the phone number for the IVF coordinator.  I'll be calling her as soon as AF arrives.

Delurking Rocks!

A huge thank you to everyone who has de-lurked to say hi - I've loved learning a little bit about you all.    Each reply has made me smile - and made the last few days of this two week wait a lot more fun! Try not to be strangers between now and the next International Blog Delurking Day!  :)

It was fun for me to see where some of you found me - I forget sometimes how many different online places I've roamed in this journey.  For those of you who wondered, LJ is Live Journal.  Back in the days before FB, my girlfriends all shared our lives with each other on LJ.  E (aka Evie of the socks I wore for this IUI) set up a link between this blog and LJ when I started posting here more frequently.  They were the first friends I told about my plans to become an SMC, and were such HUGE support during my 2wws and miscarriage.  (My first 2ww, they each took a day and spent the day worrying for me.  It's amazing how many pregnancy symptoms a person can feel when supporting a friend in the 2ww!)

As for this two week wait - tomorrow is the day.  Based on the past two cycles, if I don't get a BFP tomorrow I should see AF instead. Just a few hours from now, I should have the answer. This has been the longest two week wait I've ever had.  But who are we kidding?  I feel that way every single time.  The two week wait just sucks.

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I had acupuncture tonight - my wonderful acupuncturist is back from maternity leave, and I was so happy to see her!  We had a great catch-up session, and then I had the most relaxing acupuncture session in ages.  In the midst of this relaxation I suddenly felt an incredible calm come over me.  I know that I will have another baby.  I'm not sure if it's this cycle, but I know something is going to work.  But I've know that all along, even if I have to do donor eggs, I will have another baby.  My biggest fear with IVF is the cost and what the cost is going to me to my family's future.  In the midst of my acupuncture session, I realized that if I have to do IVF, I will find a way to pay for it.  I may be stuck in this little house longer than I planned, and I probably will be a renter for the rest of my life, but I will find a way.

That's not to say that I'm not going to cry if it's a BFN tomorrow.  But I feel a lot less panic at the thought that I might not get good news tomorrow.

Potty Time

I was going to blog about how Finn is driving me absolutely crazy this weekend - I think the terrible twos have hit a few months early.  But I decided that would just make me grumpier.  So instead, I'm going to post about Finn's new obsession with the potty.

About a month ago, he was in the tub, and suddenly started saying "Poop! Poop!" I asked him if he had to poop, and he said yes.  I was so surprised that he was telling me he needed to go, that I asked if he wanted to get out of the tub to sit on the potty.  And again, he said yes.  Before then, I hadn't given a thought to potty training yet.  I do always show him his poop in his diaper, and he "helps" me flush it down the toilet, but aside from that, we haven't been doing anything.

He sat on the toilet, me holding on to him, and passed some gas.  He then was done, and went back to the bathtub.  I took that as a sign that it was time to move towards potty training, and got out the potty seat that a forward thinking friend gave me at my shower.  When bathtime was over, I showed him the new potty seat - and he was instantly interested.

I like this seat!

He then asked for me to take off his diaper, and he sat on it again.

Does this seat make my tummy look big?

He peed the first time he sat on it without his diaper, and was so excited when he stood up and saw the pee in the bowl.  He got on and off over and over again, trying to replicate the pee, but he just couldn't do it.  Finally he got tired of sitting there with nothing to do and ran out of the room.  He came back a few seconds later and got comfortable.

He's reading Julie James, "About that Night"

I've left the seat out, and got a couple more for the other bathrooms. He'd ask to sit on them occasionally, until a few nights ago, when bathtime was interrupted by "Poop!" He first wanted to sit on the big potty, so I put him on, and he peed and pooped!  He went back to the tub after that, but when he was done in the tub, he spent another 30 minutes getting on and off his little potty.  He'd squeeze a few drops of pee in the bowl, yell "Yaaay!!!", stand up, dump the pee in the toilet (getting drops of pee everywhere in the process) and sit down on the potty again.

He's done that every night since.  Over and over. It's cute, and I'm glad he's showing an interest, but we've now had to move preparing for bedtime up 45 minutes to make time for this routine.  Mostly it's been pee, but last night there was poop again.

He hasn't done this at all with Nanny M, and hadn't shown any interest in not peeing or pooping in his diaper, either.  Until today when we were driving he started crying in the back seat, saying and signing "Poop!" I asked him if he had to poop and he said yes.  I told him it was ok to poop in his diaper, and he stopped crying.  But he didn't poop.  I wonder if he would have asked to use the potty if we'd been home?

As I wasn't really planning on potty training just yet, I'm not sure where to go from here.  I'd love to offer him the potty multiple times a day, but if each time ends up being 30-45 minutes of off and on the potty, I'd rather change his diapers until he's 3!  

Any suggestions?

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8dpIUI - I'm testing on Thursday, at 12dpIUI.  I haven't the slightest idea if I'm pregnant or not.  

I hate the two week wait.

Seventh IUI

I woke up yesterday morning to the beginnings of EWCM.  Which then had me worried that maybe I should have done that OPK on Thursday after all.  My ultrasound showed 3 follicles on the right that she measured (2 at 20mm and 1 at 17) but there was another smaller one there as well.  I figured one of the big ones and one of the smaller ones were my residual cysts, and so that meant that I had one good follicle and one that was too far behind to do much.

When I went out to talk to the nurse and told her about my EWCM, she looked at me and said, "Can you come in tomorrow?"  When I said yes, she went to talk to my RE, and the talked with the andrology lab and then came back to tell me to trigger right then for an IUI this morning.  It turns out its a very good thing I had forgotten to call in my Ovidrel when I called in my other prescriptions last week, because otherwise I'm not sure how I would have been able to get home and get my shot and still make it to work on time.  A quick stop by the pharmacy, and in no time I was shooting up in the car. I really did not expect to be triggering for an IUI on CD11!

I usually trigger 36 hours before my IUI, and usually I don't have any symptoms at all until the morning of my IUI.  But this time my ovaries were aching all day long.  This morning I didn't feel anything, so I was suddenly worried that I'd already ovulated, but as soon as I got up they started aching again.  And then when I went to the bathroom, I had the most amazing EWCM, so I felt a little better.

After a longer wait than usual at the RE's, I was back with the nurse and ready for my IUI.  She told me that my estradiol level yesterday was 236, so maybe both of those 20mm follicles really were follicles and the other two were my residual cysts?  When she put the speculum in she said, "Oh, your cervical os is so open it looks like a singing choir boy!" and then she went on and on about my cervical mucous, and even showed some of it to me.  "If the other two ladies I have for IUIs this morning have signs as good as this, we're going to be very happy in a couple of weeks!"

29 million swimmers on board!

My new lucky socks - thanks, Evie!

My ovaries have felt full and achy all day today, too, and I'm pretty sure I ovulated sometime this afternoon.  I've read that frozen sperm lives 6-12 hours, which means by now I'm either pregnant or I'm not.  Crazy that after over two months of a lower carb diet, lots of daily supplements, fertility massage, acupuncture and a session with my lovely energy healing friend, there is now nothing much I can do that will affect the outcome.  I'm either pregnant or I'm not.

I'm feeling cautiously hopeful, but also preparing myself for the thought that my next step is going to be IVF.  I guess I'll know for sure in about two weeks.