Seventh IUI

I woke up yesterday morning to the beginnings of EWCM.  Which then had me worried that maybe I should have done that OPK on Thursday after all.  My ultrasound showed 3 follicles on the right that she measured (2 at 20mm and 1 at 17) but there was another smaller one there as well.  I figured one of the big ones and one of the smaller ones were my residual cysts, and so that meant that I had one good follicle and one that was too far behind to do much.

When I went out to talk to the nurse and told her about my EWCM, she looked at me and said, "Can you come in tomorrow?"  When I said yes, she went to talk to my RE, and the talked with the andrology lab and then came back to tell me to trigger right then for an IUI this morning.  It turns out its a very good thing I had forgotten to call in my Ovidrel when I called in my other prescriptions last week, because otherwise I'm not sure how I would have been able to get home and get my shot and still make it to work on time.  A quick stop by the pharmacy, and in no time I was shooting up in the car. I really did not expect to be triggering for an IUI on CD11!

I usually trigger 36 hours before my IUI, and usually I don't have any symptoms at all until the morning of my IUI.  But this time my ovaries were aching all day long.  This morning I didn't feel anything, so I was suddenly worried that I'd already ovulated, but as soon as I got up they started aching again.  And then when I went to the bathroom, I had the most amazing EWCM, so I felt a little better.

After a longer wait than usual at the RE's, I was back with the nurse and ready for my IUI.  She told me that my estradiol level yesterday was 236, so maybe both of those 20mm follicles really were follicles and the other two were my residual cysts?  When she put the speculum in she said, "Oh, your cervical os is so open it looks like a singing choir boy!" and then she went on and on about my cervical mucous, and even showed some of it to me.  "If the other two ladies I have for IUIs this morning have signs as good as this, we're going to be very happy in a couple of weeks!"

29 million swimmers on board!

My new lucky socks - thanks, Evie!

My ovaries have felt full and achy all day today, too, and I'm pretty sure I ovulated sometime this afternoon.  I've read that frozen sperm lives 6-12 hours, which means by now I'm either pregnant or I'm not.  Crazy that after over two months of a lower carb diet, lots of daily supplements, fertility massage, acupuncture and a session with my lovely energy healing friend, there is now nothing much I can do that will affect the outcome.  I'm either pregnant or I'm not.

I'm feeling cautiously hopeful, but also preparing myself for the thought that my next step is going to be IVF.  I guess I'll know for sure in about two weeks.

MRI #8

Not counting the first devastating MRI in August 2011, this was the worst MRI yet.  But first, the news is good, at least the preliminary report showed the tumor is stable.  And the oncologist doesn't think the tumor will get any smaller at this point, as it's mostly all just scar tissue.  We're just monitoring now to make sure it doesn't get bigger.

I was hoping today's MRI would be a little easier, as my parents are here and both wanted to come with us.  Around 6:15 this morning I realized that their light was still off, so I stuck my head in, and they were still asleep.  We needed to leave at 6:40 at the latest.  So of course we were a few minutes late.  Finn slept until I woke him up to change his diaper (and remove the cotton balls out of his diaper so I could squeeze the urine out of them for his urine specimen).

The receptionist recognized us when we checked in, and gave Finn a teddy bear - so sweet!  We had a new anesthesiologist today, and he was a little nervous talking to me, I guess because I'm a doctor.  Which was funny, but sweet. Now that Finn is older, he gets a little Versed (a sedative) before they take him back so he won't be too upset, only he ended up spitting most of it out on me instead of swallowing it.  The anesthesiologist was so sweet - he said, "If he cries, I know that will be hard on you, but it's actually a good thing.  When they're worked up they inhale the gas more quickly and they fall asleep much more easily.  I think it's actually easier on them that way, since they aren't fighting the mask."  So when Finn cried when they took him, I was prepared.  Prepared enough that instead of crying myself, I took a picture.

Seeing it now makes me get a little choked up, but it was nice to not cry then.  I warned him that Finn hadn't been drinking much when he was sick, so I thought he'd be a hard stick.  And he was. It took 3 docs over 20 tries to get an IV started.  Luckily he was asleep for all that, and the little stick marks all over him don't seem to bother him at all.

The wait was forever today.  I'm pretty sure we were there waiting for a good hour longer than usual. So of course I was starting to get worried, because that usually means they found something.  When they finally called me up to get Finn, he was crying. He was hungry, but then he didn't want to eat, he wanted to be held, but he didn't want to be held.  Then the nurse thought to give him ginger ale in his sippy cup.  Magic. We diluted it with ice, and he drank the entire can and the ice as it melted.

There was a little blip, because they did actually find something wrong.  There were some weird streaks on his MRI in his lung, that might be pneumonia.  So he also had a chest x-ray, which he hated, and that took another 10 minutes to calm him down from.  The chest x-ray also showed a hint of something, so he's now on his first ever round of antibiotics.  His fever has been gone now for 24 hours, but I think it's worth it just to be on the safe side.

We were at the oncology office for a while longer than usual today, too.  But as always, they were all super nice - the nurse and the child life specialist took good care of him.  He also got a Joy Jar (read about them and the amazing girl who came up with the idea for them at www.negu.org) which he hasn't gotten into yet, but is sure to be a hit once he does.

My parents were with me the whole time, except right before they took him back for his MRI, and then when he was in recovery.  They mean well, but they just aren't helpful.  Well, they're helpful if you ask, but they're not the sort of helpful that's good when you're a stressed out mom dealing with a toddler, because in those cases, it's often hard to even think to ask for help.  It was nice to have someone carry my bags though, when I was carrying Finn.  That was a huge help.

He somehow didn't fall asleep on the way home, and then refused to nap once we did get home (must have been all the sugar in the ginger ale).  I had hoped to have an afternoon of running errands without a toddler, but apparently my parents forgot about this plan, and left for the mall shortly after we got home.  When it became clear he wasn't going to sleep, I took him shopping with me.  It was not a fun experience, as he was understandably off kilter, but I had to get some things done.  And then he fell asleep on the way home, and is still asleep, an hour later than he's supposed to be napping.  I'm sure this means bedtime will be awful tonight.

I am so glad to have another MRI behind us.  With each good report, I worry a little less between scans, but the week before an MRI is always a rough one.  Every plan I make for the week after an MRI, I wonder if we'll be able to make it, or if we'll be facing cancer treatment instead.  Ever good report is a huge weight off my shoulders, and makes me feel so very lucky for how well Finn is doing, when there are so many other children who are not.

Christmas Follies

Finn and I were on our own for Christmas this year. My sister was out of town with her husband's family, and my parents stayed in Florida so my grandmother wouldn't be alone on Christmas Day, so it was just the two of us.

We invited ourselves over to my friend Lisa's house on Christmas Eve - only they had plans with her extended family in the evening, so we ended up just going over there for a few hours in the afternoon.  Finn had been out of sorts most of the day, and when we got to Lisa's he started to feel warm.  Even though he knows her family he clung to me for the first little bit.  And then finally Lisa convinced him to come to her - and he fell asleep within 5 minutes of being in her arms.  He definitely had a fever when we got home, so he had a dose of ibuprofen and was off to bed.

Sound asleep on Aunt Lisa

By the time he went to bed, the headache I'd been nursing all day turned into a full blown migraine. The kind that lasts for days, keeps me from sleeping and makes me feel awful.  So I pulled out the last ox.ycodone I had left from after my c-section and used it.  OMG.  That stuff is amazing. I have never had anything break a headache like that did.  I was able to sleep, and woke up Christmas morning with a sore neck, but no headache at all. That never happens. Must get a primary care doctor so I can myself some of those!  LOL  Finn got another dose of ibuprofen in the middle of the night when he was burning up again, but woke up fairly happy on Christmas morning.  I'd planned on us cuddling in bed for a bit, but I had a feeling his good mood wasn't going to last, so we went downstairs for presents.

I'm not sure he really got the concept, and without other kids to fuel the excitement, it was a pretty low key Christmas morning.  He loved his shirts from Santa and his Mickey Mouse pjs from Aunt Heidi, and while he wasn't too into them then, has played with his new car ramp and fire truck a lot today.  I had a few presents to open, too. After Finn didn't buy me anything for Christmas last year, I wised up and gave money to Nanny M for Finn to pick out a gift for me.  She said that she took him around Target, and when he saw my gift he pointed to it and said, "Mama!" I haven't taken a picture of them yet, but he got me a very pretty pair of earrings.  And some chocolate.  I also got some yummy lotion from Heidi and very cool statue that a friend of mine from med school made for me.  He's so talented!

Opening his first present

Mickey PJs

His stocking is as big as he is

Mommy and son statue

Finn was feverish and fussy most of the rest of the day, but my friend LB still insisted that we come over.  Unfortunately, I hadn't talked with her about what her plans for us were on Christmas day, and so I was surprised when we talked that morning to learn that she was planning on having us eat Christmas dinner at 2pm. Smack in the middle of Finn's naptime.  With him being sick, there was no way I was going to wake him up, so I ended up eating my Christmas dinner at her kitchen counter at 4:30 that afternoon while she prepared for a Christmas open house with her family about an hour later.  I hadn't planned on staying, but Finn seemed ok, and I felt rude leaving right when everyone got there, so I stayed for a couple of hours and then headed home.

It wasn't a bad Christmas - how could it be with Finn?  But it wasn't a great one.  It felt awfully lonely at times.  I'm so glad my parents are here now, and we have plans for a big family Christmas gathering with my sister and her family this weekend.  Let's hope everyone is healthy!

****

I had my (totally unnecessary) CD8 ultrasound and labs today.  I always have a cyst on my right ovary. It always measures about 18mm at the baseline scan, and then goes up to 23mm by CD10.  This cycle I also still have a smaller cyst left over from my IUI cycle in September to go along with it.  So today when we saw a 23mm and a 17mm "follicle" on the right, and two others around 12-14mm, I was quick to say those were my two old friends, the cysts.  The ultrasound tech agreed with me, but the nurse did not. She insisted the 23mm was a follicle and I should be prepared for an IUI on Friday.  I insisted she was wrong, so we agreed to wait for my labs.

I left feeling pretty bummed.  Not only was I worried I was going to have an IUI too soon, but my left ovary was completely quiet.  NOTHING going on.  My left ovary was the one that gave me Finn, and the first two cycles that didn't work when trying for him, my left ovary was quiet then, too.  Of course, my left ovary has been going to town with follicles the past two IUI cycles and no pregnancy, but I have it in my head that I'll only get pregnant with an egg from the right, so I'm a little discouraged.

But anyway.  Around 12:30, as I'm standing in line to get my lowish carb burrito bowl, I get the call from the nurse.  "Your estradiol is rising, but still not high enough, so you'll take 2 more doses of Gonal-F and come back for more labs and a scan on Friday." CD10.  The day I should have gone in for my ultrasound in the first place.  I was so busy not saying "I told you so" that I forgot to ask what my estradiol level actually was.  They're still concerned about this right cyst and so asked me to do an OPK tomorrow morning and call them if it's positive.  But I'm not wasting my money.  I've got no cervical mucous changes, it's only CD9 tomorrow, I've never gotten a positive OPK reading in the past, and I'm just positive that I'm not ovulating.  This cycle is already my most expensive IUI cycle on record, I really don't want to throw more money away.

So I'm guessing I'll be told to trigger on Friday night for an IUI on Sunday.  I'm not sure if I'm feeling all that optimistic, but I think maybe there's a chance this will work.  Oh, I hope it does.

****
Finally, Finn's next MRI is tomorrow.  He had a fever again this afternoon, so I'm hoping that's all gone now.  I hate MRI days.

Merry CD3!

It's just a few days before Christmas.  Thank goodness Finn is too little to really understand, because I'm just not ready.  There are about 20 ornaments on the tree...and the tree is probably safest that way.  I still have gifts to get (shopping with a toddler the weekend before Christmas is going to be so much fun!) My house is messy.  I never did get Christmas cards ordered, much less sent- though I did get stamps.  (I like to think of that purchase as getting prepared for next year already.)

But Finn is in awe of the lights.  He loves our tree, and the lights I cursed as put them up outside our house are now one of his favorite good night sights.  He walks around saying, "ho, ho, ho" and has no idea the tree is mostly bare.  And he certainly doesn't care if all the Christmas shopping is done, or that the presents aren't wrapped yet.  

yes, that's the ghost on the upstairs porch

We are having a very low key Christmas this year.  My sister is out of town with her family.  My parents are getting here the day after Christmas, as they're spending Christmas with my grandmother in Florida.   So we're going to spend Christmas Eve afternoon with my friend Lisa's family, and Christmas Day afternoon/evening with LB's family.  Christmas morning will be just the two of us.  LB invited us to spend the night on Monday night, so we could all have Christmas morning together, and I did consider her offer.  But there's something magical about spending Christmas morning together, just the two of us.  It won't be an exciting Christmas morning.  But it will be cozy and sweet.  This will be the last Christmas morning that he is too young to understand what it really means. Though I know he'll enjoy his presents, he's going to be most excited about spending 4 whole days in a row with me.  And I think that's what I'm most excited about, too.

******

Amazingly enough, AF showed up a few days early this week. I had been worried that she'd show up over the weekend, and I'd have to deal with on call doctors and crazy holiday hours.  Instead, I went in for my CD3 scan this morning.  My antral follicle count is 8-9 and my FSH is 12 - not fabulous, but not awful either.  I took my first dose of Femara before lunch and will start Gonal-F on Sunday.  A different RE than my usual doc reviewed my labs and scan, and so I'm going in for my first follicle scan on day 8 instead of day 10.  I'm sure that means I'll end up with another scan before my IUI, but what's the cost of another set of labs and ultrasound at this point?

Let Your Voice Be Heard

Like many of us this week, my heart is heavy over the tragic loss of life in Connecticut last Friday.  All those beautiful, innocent children and their protectors - gone.

In addition to grief, I find myself feeling more and more angry.  How could this happen?  After all the mass murders in this country in the past 15 years, how could there be yet another tragic incident like this?

I get that some Americans want to have a gun.  Or two.  They hunt, or perhaps they enjoy shooting, or maybe they think it will keep them safe.  But why on earth does an average citizen need a weapon whose sole purpose is to kill the largest number of people in the shortest amount of time?  Why does anyone need a clip that holds 30 bullets? Or even 10 for that matter?  Let's face it - if you're a hunter who needs to be able to fire 10 bullets in quick succession, it's time to find another sport.

Gun advocates like to point out that if guns aren't legal, then criminals and the mentally ill will either get them anyway, or find another way to hurt people.  To some extent, that's true.  Look at the incident in China that also happened on 12/14/12, where a man attacked schoolchildren with a knife.  The difference in this instance is - NO ONE DIED.  And yes, there are still other ways to commit mass murder. But my question is - why do we have to make it easy for them?  The statistics are pretty clear - in the US there are significantly more mass murders than any other country on the planet.  We have what are probably the weakest gun laws on the planet.  Coincidence?  I think not.

The NRA is a powerful voice in this country because politicians believe that the NRA will force them out of office if they support stricter gun control laws.  But the fact of the matter is, more Americans support stricter gun control than not.  (See Jjiraffe's wonderful post here.)  We can make a difference.  Our voices can be heard.

Please, contact your Senators and Congressmen, contact your state legislators.  Let them know that you will VOTE AGAINST them if they don't vote for stricter gun laws.  Be specific.  We need laws that restrict the number of bullets in a clip.  Laws that make assault rifles illegal (and are clear about what an assault rifle actually is - multiple gun experts have been asked if the rifle used in the Connecticut shootings would have been outlawed under the old assault rifle ban, and not one of them was able to answer conclusively).

Sign the White House petition.  As of this posting, only 188,200 people have signed it. How is that possible?

Let your voice be heard.  If we are all vocal, if we all stand up and say, "Enough is enough," we CAN overpower the voice of the NRA.

It's worth 5-10 minutes of your time.  Now and again next week.  Next month.  The month after that.  Over and over again until laws are finally passed.

We need good, strong laws.  These laws won't prevent every madman from killing people.  But it will decrease how often it happens, and how many die when it does.  And law abiding people who want guns will still be able to own them.  They just won't be able to own guns designed to massacre a large number of people in a few short minutes.

Something tells me our founding fathers would approve.

Santa 2012

Last year, Finn was the happiest baby ever on Santa's lap.  This year...well, there were no tears.  And we started off with Finn on a tricycle in front of Santa. But then we were able to sneak him on Santa's lap, and capture an almost smile.

This still is one of the best Santas on the planet.

As an aside - a few weeks ago I decided to close my comments to anonymous posters.  Which I hate, because I love getting random comments from lurkers who occasionally decide to chime in on something I've written here.  I was just getting too much spam - up to 15 or 20 spam comments a day!  And Blogger isn't recognizing them as spam anymore, so they're ending up on my posts.  I just can't take it any more.  The only other way to decrease the spam is to use the captcha thing, and I hate that more than anything - these days 90% of my blog reading is on my phone, but it is nearly impossible to comment on my phone if someone has the captcha enabled. So I don't comment as much, unless I have free time at night.  So anyway, if any of you lurkers out there ever have comments to share and can't because I've disabled anonymous commenters - please send me an email!  My address is under the about me tab above.  :) 

Disney Weekend

I have always liked Disney, but I'd never loved Disney until I saw it through the eyes of a toddler.  We had such a wonderful - dare I say magical? - weekend.  It was exhausting, and funny and entertaining and fun.  We had to work around Finn's schedule, making sure he got his nap in and was in bed at a reasonable time every night, which also meant that we had an excuse for an afternoon nap as well. I also highly recommend a 4:1 adult to child ratio for any Disney trip.  Especially after the first day, when Finn was more comfortable with everyone, it was so nice to be able to share the child care responsibilities!

Rather than bore you all with long details about what we did, I'm just going to share some of my favorite pictures from the trip.

Every park has a huge tree at the entrance - this is going into Animal Kingdom

Finn loved the shows - we saw the Lion King and Finding Nemo  - both adult and toddler approved

Aunt Jennie pointing out Mickey and friends

Dragging his finds through the store

Fish were a big hit, too

His first ride

Loving Dumbo 

Flying!

He definitely did NOT like Donald (shameless stolen from the Disney pictures website)

Osborne Family Lights were amazing!

I just really like this picture

Playing the "1, 2, 3!" game to keep Finn on the move

Before bed fun with Heidi

Really loved the fish

Jennie, Steve and Finn happy to spot the kangaroos

Finn is still talking about meeting Mickey Mouse!

Another favorite ride

Heidi and Finn taking it all in

Riding Space Mountain (while Finn was home with Uncle Steve!)

Love Cinderella's Castle at Christmas

Happy to wake up in Disney World

Last glimpses of the Zebras

Happy Holidays!

Room with a View

The past two weeks have been incredibly hectic.  Work is busy, and then Finn, Nanny M and I went to Phoenix last weekend for a work trip.  We flew out Friday and came back Sunday night; four hours on a plane each way with a toddler.  Amazingly, Finn loves to fly, and was so good on both flights.  He got a little anxious while we were waiting to take off, bouncing in my lap and shouting "Move! Move!"  And when it was time to get off the plane he got impatient then, too.  The guy in front of us was taking too long to get off the plane and so Finn yelled at him: "Go! Go! Go!" He made the poor guy nervous, but everyone else thought it was funny.

This past week has been one of the worst ever.  Nanny M developed a toothache right before we went to Phoenix, and so took the day off on Monday to go to the dentist.  Our neighbor watched Finn, stopping by to get him a little before I had to leave.  Of course he cried.  And then I got in my car, turned the ignition and my car wouldn't start.  I'd left a light on in the backseat the night before, and my battery was dead.  None of my other neighbors were home, so I had to call the sitter back to jump start my car.  The screaming from Finn when I left after we started my car was awful.  "Ma-MAAAA!"  I cried.  He's usually clingy when I leave him with Nanny M, but rarely cries for more than a minute, so I'm just not used to this.

Turns out Nanny M had fractured her tooth into multiple pieces.  The dentist couldn't just pull it, he had to surgically remove it, and told her it was going to hurt for a long time while it heals.  There was no way she could work on Tuesday.  The neighbor was busy, and while my friend LB was able to watch him in the afternoon, I couldn't find anyone to watch him in the morning.  My next open appointment to see a patient at work is in February, but I had no choice, I had to cancel clinic for the morning.  We're double booking all the patients that had to reschedule, so at least they'll be seen.

LB came to get him around 12:30 (with much crying from Finn), and right before they left he had a very gross diaper.  A few hours later LB texted me that Finn was having a lot of gas, diarrhea, and was crying.  This lasted until about an hour before I picked him up, and then he was fine.  His poop is still nasty (worst smell I have EVER smelled) and his gas is almost as foul, but he seems to feel fine.

Wednesday, LB was late getting Finn, so I was late for work, and he cried and screamed when I left. Of course I know he was happy 10 minutes later, but leaving a crying baby is just heartbreaking.  LB kept Finn until lunch, then she brought him over to my house to meet Nanny M around 1:30.  One thing neither of us thought about (until 1:30 ) was that the neighbor had Finn's car seat and Nanny M's house key.  The neighbor wasn't home, and wasn't answering her phone.  And it was drizzling.  I work about 30 minutes from home, so me driving home wasn't going to work.  Amazingly, my office manager offered to drive my key up there, so I was able to see patients and Finn and Nanny M got in the house.

Thank goodness this week was a short week.  I'm writing this from our hotel room, while Finn naps.   (Yes, three trips in three weeks.  I am crazy.) This is the view from our balcony:

No, we're not in Africa.  But we are in the next best place: Walt Disney World.  16 months ago, when my friend Jennie came to stay with me after Finn was born, she suggested that we meet for a long weekend at Disney this December.  After all that time planning, I can't believe we're finally here!

Stay tuned to my Instagram feed for more pictures of our weekend fun.  I'm hoping next week is a little calmer so I can post about our weekend, and maybe finally get my supplements post finished.