I wrote this in part while still in the hospital, and finished it this afternoon– my labor and delivery experience was so amazing, I don’t want to forget it, and I’m afraid that if I wait to write it out until I'm more rested and coherent, I will forget most of it. A lot of the details are already fuzzy, so I can honestly say this isn’t an exact representation of events as they occurred, but it’s pretty close. And be warned, it's a long one - feel free to skip this one if it gets boring!
Tuesday night before induction was a long, sleepless night. I was still leaking a little fluid, but not having regular contractions, so my doula and I decided I should just stay home unless my contractions changed. She suggested I check my temperature every few hours, to be on the safe side, and I decided to do both that and a check in with my doppler whenever I woke up to use the bathroom. I fell asleep fairly easily, but then a huge thunderstorm blew through and I could never go back to sleep after that. I spent most of the night tossing and turning, using my doppler repeatedly and listening to my labor and delivery meditations. I was so relieved when my alarm finally went off and I could get up and get ready.
My contractions never picked up, so I didn’t go to the hospital until my 7am check-in time for induction. Heidi drove me there, and then my sister Jamie met us at the hospital just an hour or so later, and my doula came up around 10 – I had a wonderful support team already lined up and ready to see me through the day.
I was happy when I got there to see that Stephanie, a nurse I knew, was going to be taking care of me. Of course, it took 4 tries to get an IV in me, but once it was finally in at around 8:30, Cindy (my midwife) checked and I was dilated to 3cm and 50% effaced, so she broke my water (it was just a leak after all) and had me get up and walk. Heidi, Jamie and I walked laps in the halls and I started to notice more frequent stronger contractions, but still nothing regular, about every 6-10 minutes.
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| Me and Jamie walking the halls |
My friend Liz stopped by around 11 just as we decided it was time to start pitocin. The pitocin meant that I had to stay on the monitors and so I couldn’t walk the halls anymore, but I still was up and moving. I went from the birthing ball to walking in the room, to sitting up in the bed, to standing leaning over the bed – doing squats and sways as I was able. They let me have clear liquids for breakfast and lunch, even once the pitocin was started. For future reference, beef broth is never a good idea, especially when in labor. Yuck. Gummi bears and Heather’s amazing chocolate chip cookies are highly recommended while in labor, however. Just don’t let the nurses catch you eating them!
At first the contractions were regular but not too painful. I was able to stay on top of them just by breathing through each one; visualizing that each contraction was moving my baby down, and giving myself over to the pain instead of fighting it made a huge difference in how each contraction felt.
I’m not sure when Liz left, or what time another friend, Lisa came by. In fact, a lot of the day feels very timeless. I know I spent several hours standing by the side of the bed, as this seemed to progress things more than anything else. The contractions gradually grew more intense to the point that I had to lean over the side of the bed whenever they hit. I wasn’t comfortable, but it wasn’t unbearable or awful – I know just having the support of the women in the room with me made a huge difference. At one point, Alex was on a stool behind me massaging my low back and applying counter pressure with each contraction, as Heidi massaged my shoulders and Jamie and Lisa held my hands and rubbed my arms.
I was completely focused inwards, but I could feel their support around me holding me up. We talked occasionally, with random funny exchanges in the middle of it. A few of my favorite:
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| Lisa and Jamie |
“Shannon, if you could find one word to describe your pain right now, what would it be?”
Me: “Ouch.”
Me: “Ouch.”
Jamie: “Are you using that magazine as a focal point?” after I had been staring at the same article for over an hour. “No, why do you want to read it?” Jamie: “Yes, I really do.” (Ok, maybe you had to be there for that one, but it was funny.)
Me: “One of my meditations talks about how the hormones in labor are similar to the hormones with sex, and references the close link between pleasure and pain. Makes me wonder if labor is easier for women who are into S&M.”
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| Me and Alex |
Like I said, time was very fluid, but I was so surprised to look at the pictures later and see that at 6:15 I was rating my pain a 9/10, with contractions every 2-3 minutes when the pitocin was at 17. I no idea I had been that uncomfortable and on that amount of pit for as long as I was. At some point I started to feel a lot more pressure, so Cindy checked me and I was only dilated to 6cm, but almost 100% effaced, and he had moved down, so we were a little encouraged. Three hours later, I was starting to get really tired. The contractions were getting much more intense – I threw up after one of them – but I still wasn’t feeling any change like he had moved. I kept waiting to feel the overwhelming urge to push, but it just wasn’t coming. Up to that point, I had felt in control. But after a couple of hours of not feeling like anything was changing, except that the pain was getting worse, I went from welcoming each contraction as another step towards seeing my baby, to dreading each contraction and tensing up with each one. So around 11pm I asked Cindy to come check me, so I have a better idea of what was going on.
At that point, we were all ready for me to start pushing. Alex had coached Jamie and Heidi on ways to help me push effectively, and while I was feeling overwhelmed, they were energetic and supported me through the brief moments while waiting for the midwife. When Cindy said that I was still only a 7, I almost started crying, I just couldn’t believe that all that pain had only advanced me another centimeter. Instead of crying, I took a deep breath and said, “That’s it, I just can’t continue without an epidural.” And I was ok with that decision. I’d gone far longer than I ever imagined I could while on pitocin, so I didn’t feel like I was giving in, I was just accepting my limitations.
The epidural was blessed relief, but of course I had the standard reaction to an epidural with a huge drop in my blood pressure. My nurse empirically gave me a dose of epinephrine (and based on how I felt, I told her I agreed with her decision – she laughed and told me to stop being a doctor). I didn’t realize it, but I got another dose of that and two doses of neosynephrine, because when my blood pressure dropped, so did the baby’s heart rate. I didn’t know what was going on until they came in with an oxygen mask for me, and asked me to turn over onto my left side. My entire pregnancy I’ve been uncomfortable on my left side, and it turns out Finn didn't care for it either, since his heart rate dropped down to 90-100 when I was on my left. They quickly turned me back onto my right side, and then decided that plus the oxygen and the meds had helped bring my blood pressure back up to the 140s, which then helped him, and he was back up to a heart rate in the 130s (after 7-8 minutes with a heart rate in the low 100s). Alex pointed out that it was probably the knowledge that my baby was in distress that did it, not anything else, and she was probably right.
Cindy called Dr. T to come in, and she checked me again while we waited. After less than an hour with the epidural, I’d dilated to 9. Dr. T looked at the strips and told me that he could go ahead and recommend a c-section right then, but since he was doing better, and I was finally progressing again, he thought it was reasonable to go a few more hours and see how I did, since I’d already worked so hard. I couldn’t believe it – I was sure they were going to insist on a c-section, but instead they were going to let me continue to try for a vaginal delivery.
I was freezing, even bundled up under all the blankets I couldn’t get my hands warm, and I couldn’t stop shaking. Someone suggested that I put my lucky socks on my hands, and that did the trick. With warm hands, I was able to sleep.
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| Lucky Socks for Mittens |
A few hours later, Cindy came back and checked me again, and I was still only at 9cm. At that point, it was clear there was no other option. I’d done the best I could, but my body just wasn’t cooperating, and it was time for a c-section. The nurses all few into action, getting me ready (which included putting my lucky socks (the ones I wore for my IUI) on my feet, and Jamie gowned up in her cute white body suit, and we were off. I was wheeled into the OR at 3:47am, Jamie came in a few minutes later and I could feel the pressure as they worked on getting him delivered. A few random things I heard while they were at work, “Oh, wow, he’s big!” “Oh, he’s so cute!” “Shannon, he looks just like you!” and from Jamie, “You should see the looks on the NICU nurses faces at how big he is!” And then at 4:11am he was born! As soon as I heard him cry I started to cry. It was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. Cindy held him up over the drape so I could see him for a second, and then the NICU nurses were cleaning him up, suctioning his mouth and cleaning up after his first poop. Jamie stayed by my side, giving me a play by play until they told her she could go over and take pictures. Finally they brought him to me and I was able to touch him with one hand and get a better look at him.
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| Me and Finn |
Cindy then came and held him for a minute so she could sing Happy Birthday to him, while I continued to cry. I’m crying now just writing about it! Once he was ready, Jamie was able to go with him back to recovery and hold him while I was closed up and cleaned up. (Cool aside, my external incision was sealed with Dermabond, a glue, which means no stitches or staples!)
When I was brought back to recovery, I was still dizzy from another low blood pressure, so it took a while before I was able to sit up enough to hold him, but we did put him at my breast right away. He wasn’t too interested in latching on or sucking, but he did want to cuddle. The nurses were so great at following my birth plan, in fact, they charted that they gave him the eye drops about 30 minutes before they did, so they’d still fall in that 1 hour time frame on paper, but still allowed me to take advantage of his newborn wakefulness and look him in the eyes. They also held off on giving him his vitamin K until I was holding him, which is what I’d asked for.
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| Holding Finn for the first time |
We were finally wheeled back to my room, which was cleaned up and ready for me and baby, with Aunt Heidi anxiously waiting for her first look at Finn. I really don't remember anything about those first few hours back in the room, and really most of the day is a huge blur, too.
One final picture - since Heidi took all the pictures except for those in the OR and in recovery, I have to add my favorite one of her and Finn here. The wait for his arrival, the delivery and the first few days after he was born would have been almost impossible if she hadn't been here for me!
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| Heidi and Finn |
My delivery was technically not what I wanted, but the experience was so incredible, and my OBs really worked with me to give me every chance to deliver how I wanted, so I’m not at all disappointed at how things turned out. I really think my body knew that as big as he is, a vaginal delivery would not have gone well for me or for him – I really think that everything went exactly as it was supposed to happen.
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