Confirming my Suspicions

I had some pink spotting last night before putting in my Crinone, and was tempted to just not put it in, but then decided I'd better be on the safe side.  And then I got another BFN this morning, at 12pIUI and I really wish I'd skipped it.  My whole stomach is achy, and I'm afraid the Crinone is going to keep AF away a couple more days, which is going to be pretty uncomfortable if I continue to feel like this.  (For the record, I had lots of mild "day before your period" cramping before my BFP with Finn, but this is different, this is more like bad period cramping.)  I really want to take some Aleve, but I can't bring myself to do it, just in case I get a late BFP.  I didn't get a BFP until 14dpIUI with my first pregnancy...which isn't very reassuring, since I had a miscarriage with that one.

I wasn't feeling very optimistic with this cycle, but then I had cramping around the time that implantation might be happening, and I've been so nauseated the past week - it was enough to really make me hope that I had been wrong to start with.

This has been the worst two week wait ever, I was so hopeful there'd be something good to come of it.  It started with the stress of Nanny M being sick on the day of and after my IUI.  Then our newest doctor's father (who had been ill for a long time with metastatic cancer) took a turn for the worse last Tuesday, and died on Thursday morning.  She's been a mess, and my heart breaks for her.  My other partner, the doctor who has been there almost as long as I have, had a suspicious lymph node in his chest biopsied last week - he gets regular monitoring for his history of lymphoma a few years ago.  We get the results of that today.  It has to be good news, I just can't imagine anything differently.

I think I need an Aleve, a diet Coke, and a strong sedative of some kind.  Or at the very least a baby who decided to sleep past 5 this morning.

Thank goodness my fridge is fully stocked with cold diet Coke.

10dpIUI

No good news this morning, unfortunately.  We slept late, and then Finn insisted on a few books before I could get up to go to the bathroom, so the suspense was about to kill me.  Finally he'd had enough books that I could leave him to read in peace for a minute or two, but the result was a BFN.

I had a BFN at 10dpIUI with Finn, too, so I'm hopeful that Tuesday will give better results.  If not...I'll take my Crinone thru Thursday, hoping that will lead to AF starting Monday or Tuesday, so my next IUI has a chance of falling on a weekend. (are my calculations about right with that?)

Fingers crossed I don't get to stop my Crinone until December, though.

A Day in the Life

There have been a bunch of posts lately - started by Ali's brilliant idea, I think - about daily routines.  I've loved reading about other's schedules, and think that women who are thinking about becoming an SMC would love to read them, too.  So of course I'm going to share my day, as well!



7am - wake up and cuddle with Finn.  If he's asleep when my alarm goes off, I'll hit snooze, or get my phone and check emails and FB.  He usually will wake up by 7:10 so we will read a book, play and be silly or just cuddle until about 7:25.  Sometimes he takes longer to wake up and then I end up being late because I still want to spend that time with him.

8:20 - Nanny M gets here, comes upstairs and gets Finn while I (frantically) try to finish getting ready.  She changes his diaper and gets him dressed for the day, then we go down together.  Finn has started to fuss when I leave but is usually easily distracted by promises of breakfast.

8:30-8:40 - leave for work.  I should leave at 8:30 to get there on time (9), but I'm usually late.

5:00 - leave for home. Traffic coming home is much worse than going to work, so I don't usually get home until at least 5:45, sometimes 6.

6-7pm - Play outside for a little bit if it's nice. Finn has usually eaten dinner already, so he has a small snack while I eat dinner (usually a peanut butter sandwich these days, but also leftovers of real food at least 2 times a week).  Sometimes he eats what I'm eating, other times just veggies or fruit and cheese.

7pm - head up for bathtime. Occasionally I skip this step, but he loves bathtime, so he usually gets one.  After bath, he gets into his pjs, brushes his teeth and then we get in my bed for storytime and a cup of milk.  He'll usually pay attention to a couple of stories, and when he's done, we head downstairs.

8ish - head out for our walk.  Finn sometimes falls asleep right away, other times takes 30 minutes.  I aim to get 20-45 minutes of walking a night, but in the summer I usually walked for an hour.  If it's raining, I'll rock him to sleep, but otherwise it's the stroller.

The family bed

8:45 - Finn usually transfers quietly to his crib.  I then spend the rest of the evening cleaning up, then trying to get work done and also check out some blogs, answer emails and pay bills.  I try to go to bed by 11pm, so I never get to everything I need to get done.

Sometime between 11pm and 3am - Finn wakes up and comes to bed with me.  I sleep so much more comfortably with him in his crib, but I feel much more restful when he's in the bed with me.  It's my favorite time of the day some days.


***8dpIUI today - had a bunch of uterine twinges and mild cramping/pulling all day Wednesday (5dpIUI) and have had heartburn since Tuesday.  It's anybody's guess whether these are real symptoms or just my mind playing tricks on me.  Though Gille did have a dream that I got an early BFP---so I'm definitely POAS on Sunday.  :)

PUPO!

The night before my successful IUI in August 2010, I had a lovely and relaxing massage.  I came home, relaxed on the couch, read, and went to bed early.  The next morning I did a fertility yoga DVD, had a leisurely breakfast and felt relaxed and rested walking in to my IUI.

Last night, I spent the evening wiping down the house with Clorox wipes because Nanny M has a stomach bug.  I then got things together for Finn today - luckily one of our neighbors knows Finn and takes care of a little boy his age every day, and was willing to keep Finn for me.  I've never had to pack a bag for him for the whole day, so figuring out food and everything else took a while.  It was close to 11:30 before I finally made it to bed.

My neighbor goes to get the little boy she watches at 7:20, and usually isn't home until 8:30.  I had to leave the house by 8 to make sure I wasn't late to my RE (again), so I had Finn ready at 7:20 and we loaded him into my neighbor's car and off they went.  Of course he cried, which made me cry. Once I'd gotten myself back together, I had time to do about 15 minutes of the yoga DVD, then had to get dressed and head out the door.

I did make it to the office 20 minutes early, so while I was definitely not relaxed and rested, I was not frazzled.

A new nurse (just finishing up her training) called me back, confirmed my identity, and confirmed that the specimen we were using today is one of the ones I saw flying in on their FexEx plane when they were delivered a few years ago.  I got undressed and on the table, and then she came back in with Jay, one of my favorite nurses, who gave me a big hug, and then told me the good news that the specimen had 20 million swimmers!  That's more than double what I had with my last cycle! The new nurse then got to work, preparing the specimen, then putting in the speculum.  I was informed that I had lots of great EWCM (I could have told her that) and then the catheter slipped right in and just like that I was PUPO.

Future baby in this tube?

Some of my optimism was restored by the great sperm count, and then again by the ease in which she got the catheter in.  My first two IUIs were fairly painful and they had a hard time getting the catheter in.  The second two were just like today, quick and painless.  I hope that means the timing was just perfect.

My lucky socks - post IUI

I had my IUI soundtrack already prepared, and they dimmed the lights and left me to relax with my legs and hips up for about 15 minutes as I visualized sperm swimming and then fertilizing an egg.  I'd just about drifted off to sleep when it was time to get up and head to work.

Three years ago today my friend Drea passed away.  It would be pretty damn amazing if I got pregnant this cycle - it would be so nice to have a happy memory associated with September 20.