On Connection and Being Seen

I had the most ridiculously amazing revelation a few mornings ago.

As I was standing in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, I looked over at Zachary, who had just caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.  He grinned at himself, and then started making all sorts of ridiculous faces at himself, not for anyone's entertainment but his own.

"Holy shit," I thought to myself.  "He's his own little person."

And that's when it hit me.  I have been so busy trying to raise him well that I forgot that the core principle of all gentle parenting techniques is connection. And in order to connect, I have to recognize that each of my children are indeed unique individuals - beyond the superficial stuff, and into the deep stuff that their souls are made up of.

I remember so many details about the rich inner world I had in my head when I was 4, 5 and 6...it's just never occurred to me that the same is true for my children.  I've been reacting to many situations as a problem to solve and not a problem to understand - and it's no wonder some of my efforts at empathy have fallen short.

I suspect this is obvious to most of the world - or at least to those who try to model their parenting techniques after those that emphasize connection - but it's a life changing realization for me.  Especially when I look back at my childhood and realize that while I always felt deeply loved, I never felt truly seen by my parents. As I've come to learn, being truly seen is the only way to truly believe that you are loved for who you are, and therefore worthy of love in general.

It's been a few days since I had this paradigm shift in my family view, and I've spent a lot of time mulling over it, and have noticed that it's already affecting how I act towards my kids...and how they act in response to me.

No one ever told me that parenting would challenge me to grow as a person in order to become the parent I want to be.

Getting My Shit Together (for real this time)

I have decided that 2017 is going to be officially know as the Year I Get My Shit Together (for reals).

There are several areas I'm going to be focusing on - a big one is finally seeing a therapist.  We had our first session on Friday and I didn't expect to get much out of our first visit.  And yet I have. Totally worth every penny.  (And a subject of another post, I'm sure.)

My neglected blog is another area.  I read through old entries a few months ago, and miss having memories documented in the last year or so.  Even if no one ever reads them but me, it's worth it.  But there is the bonus of those few out there who still read blogs on a regular basis reaching out and saying hi when I post.  So while I'll likely never get back to the posting frequency I had back when I first started, I am going to try to post at least once a week.

My main focus for the next month is getting back on track with my health.  I need to lose about 25 pounds, but more importantly, I need to get healthy again.  So rather than focus on my weight, I'm going to focus on health.  Starting tomorrow, I'm going to aim for 3-6 servings of vegetables a day, 1 fruit, and 30 minutes of aerobic activity every single day (and more when I can). I'm also going to cut out processed sugars completely.  I know this is not something I can or want to continue, but after the excesses of the past few months, I absolutely have to do this to get back on track.  I cannot give up caffeine completely, but I'm going to go back to 2 Diet Cokes a day and water the rest of the day.

I know I will feel so much better.  Getting 7 hours of sleep most nights has helped, but I'm still more tired than I should be, and I know it's all lifestyle.  So January 2017 is all about fixing that.

There are a few other goals that I'm going to focus on over the next year that will spread out across the year (like blogging more), but I'm also going to go with a monthly goal or challenge, too.  It turns out, that sort of thing works really well for me.

This picture is my life in a nutshell.