Choosing My Donor

Once I first decided I was really going to do this - I was really going to try to conceive on my own - I started stalking the cryobank websites, looking at donors.  I was very quickly overwhelmed, and stopped looking at all until September/October of 2009.  By then I had narrowed it down to two cryobanks, and so I started seriously looking at potential donors. 

My initial screening criteria was that my future donor had to have the same coloring as me.  At first it seemed like I should go for the things I find attractive in a potential mate, but then I realized, this child will look like either me or his donor, and it makes the most sense to at least choose a donor who has some features (like hair color and eye color) that resemble mine, to increase the chances that my baby will look like me.  I also wanted someone at least 6 feet tall, since I’m only 5’4”, and someone not overweight. 

If you’ve never looked at a cryobank’s website before, it’s just like online dating.  I actually entered in the above requirements, and got a list of donors who matched all of the above. 

And that’s when it got difficult.

All the donors answer questions about their family history, so I immediately threw out donors with a strong family history of heart disease, which my family already has.  Two of my favorites were color blind; my dad is color blind, which means I already carry the gene for that, so I threw those two out, too.  One of my favorites admitted to smoking marijuana on a regular basis.  I can’t believe that one was allowed to donate at all, since pot decreases sperm motility, and so he was out as well.

That still left about 12 potential donors to sort through.  I read through all their short answer/essay questions (things like “what’s the funniest thing that ever happened to you?”, “who do you relate to most in your family and why?”, “why did you chose to become a donor?” and “what would advice or words of wisdom would you want to pass on to your children?”

I weeded out a few more from there, and ordered the extended profiles and baby pictures on all the ones that were left.  One I immediately discarded because his baby picture was hideous (poor guy), and then a few more were thrown out for various other reasons.  That left me with 4 donors to choose from.  And so I had a party.

I really thought I was being clever, throwing a party to help me choose my donor, but apparently there are a lot of women out there who do this!  I went all out for this party – it was an evening cocktail party, with catered food, drinks and a cake (yes, that cake in the picture is the cake I ordered – my poor sister was the one who had to call and ask if the bakery could make a sperm cake!)  I called it my “Who’s Your Daddy?” party, and invited a bunch of friends, my sister and my mom to come.  Mindy flew down from New York, and three of my California friends joined in online – it was fabulous.  (Though I do want to note that this party was the one and only time my donor will ever be referred to as daddy – but the name for the party was too wonderful to resist!)

I had 8 posters, two for each donor: one labeled pros and one labeled cons.  There were copies of all the information I had on the donors scattered around the room, and everyone was encouraged to put their pros and cons for each donor onto sticky notes, and put them on the posters.  I got some great comments, and some hilarious ones as well.  A few of my favorites:

Pros:

• ·      Loves Mexican food
• ·      World traveler
• ·      compassionate
• ·      HOT HOT HOT!
• ·      Dimples
• ·      You’d totally have sex with him

Cons:

• ·      Your baby would never tan
• ·      Favorite toy was a scary clown
• ·      His favorite movie was Transformers?  Really?
• ·      Possible drug user (did you read his funniest moment?)

After everyone had finished their pros and cons, I made them all choose their favorite donor, and sign their name onto his pros poster.  The overwhelming choice was the one I had already been leaning towards, so in the end, I probably would have chosen him anyway, but it was much easier to call up the cryobank the next morning and order four vials of his swimmers knowing I had the backing of most of my friends!

Signing for their favorite

And that's it - my Who's Your Daddy post that is also my 100th blog post!  I think this calls for a celebration (I'll use any excuse for a bowl of ice cream).