It was still dark when we got to the hospital this morning, and due to a clerical error we had to wait a little longer than usual, but finally we were brought back by Alison, who we know from his last MRI. The nurse was also someone we already know, and Finn actually seemed happy to see her. When I finished lying to anesthesia, they were ready for him. The nurse wrapped him in a warm blanket and then took him from me, pausing to look into my eyes and say, "We'll take good care of him."
He watched me over her shoulder as she carried him back to the MRI with a happy little look on his face like, "C'mon Mom! This'll be fun!" I really hope he stayed happy after he realized I wasn't going with him. And I really hope they sedate him before they start his IV, because I know how much that hurts and how much he hates it.
Of course I cried on the elevator up to the waiting room. And I'm trying not to cry now. I guess it's time I face it, no matter how many tests and procedures he gets, I'm still going to dread every single one, and wish that I could take the pain for him, or wish that I could least explain why people keep hurting him.
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I love that you're a rebel! Thinking of you and Finn today!! I hope the MRI shows beautiful results!!
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Shannon, Finn is a tough little guy. I'm glad you lied to the anesthesiologist. I would have.
ReplyDeletePraying for great results.
Hugs!
I wish I could say something to make it easier. Feeling for you and Finn. And sending virtual hugs.
ReplyDeleteNice job with the lie - I think its awesome that you're a doctor so you can lie and know its okay. I just lie and hope its okay.
ReplyDelete"How many drinks do you have per week?"
"Um, 3?"
Good luck with the MRI today and my hopes are set on a clean result. :)
Saying prayers for you and Finn that there is nothing left of the necrotic neuroblastoma. And may he wake up from his sedation with a big smile on his face :)
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and Finn. Hoping for a good result...
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you, Shannon. What's very obvious from all this is that Finn's an amazing kid and you are a phenomenal mommy! Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine how hard it is to let Finn get taken from you to go have tests and procedures. Hoping for wonderful results today!
ReplyDeleteHang in there! I really hope this MRI brings good results.
ReplyDeleteIf you're a doctor, and you lied to the anesthesiologist, can I lie to my doctor, too? ;)
I cried reading your last words. It's so true that as a mom you so badly want to take over the pain or atleast explain it to the lil one. You are being very strong through this. I keep thinking of you and Finn every time I pray and here's hoping that the results are good today.
ReplyDeleteOh, my heart aches for you both. I hope everything went well.
ReplyDeleteTears are blurring my vision too after I read your post...you're way stronger than I would be in the same situation. I hope everything went well, and I'll be stalking your blog to find out the latest. Hugs to you both!
ReplyDeleteShannon I could only imagine the heartbreak with each test. You are so amazing and so strong for Finn. I am praying that this MRI gives you amazing results and this is the last of the tests. Much Love!!
ReplyDeleteIt's heartbreaking to read what you and poor Finn are going through. The injustice of it leaves me....wordless. I am hoping and praying everything comes out clear and that you and Finn can take some time to heal and move forward without any more tests looming in the future.
ReplyDeleteI love that "after I finished lying to anesthesia".
ReplyDeleteYou haven't lost your sense of humor!
Hoping for GREAT news from the MRI!!!
You are so brave. I know you may not feel like you have a choice... but you are. You are 110% present for Finn, even if you can't take his pain away. And that is a HUGE comfort to him.
Sending hugs and strength. Holding you both in the Light.
So hoping for great news. Thinking of you both.
ReplyDeleteWith all the little delays it probably ended up being 6 hours anyway. Crying is fine. You're so strong but you need to let it out too.
ReplyDeleteI can feel the pain in this post and I wish it didn't have to be this way for you and Finn, but I hope that the MRI went well.
ReplyDelete"explain why people are hurting him." Ugh. I know - that is just so so hard with them being so little. After Fiona's central line was removed, for about a week in the hospital - every morning we would be awakened by phlebotomists coming in the room at 6:30 am, turning on the light, holding her down, and drawing blood. She'd scream and cry and look at me like "why are you letting them do this to me?" That was so awful. I know what you are feeling. I do hope that it is comforting to you to hear me say that she got over it! She is full of joy and life and loves people (well, ok, she still hates doctors and phlebotomists,...). Keeping holding tight to each other, you'll get through it. Sending hugs your way and so hoping the MRI results are fantastic.
ReplyDeleteShannon, my heart breaks for you. I wish this wasn't happening to you and Finn. It's just not fair. I have said this before and I will say it again, your strength and grace are inspiring. You have a resilient little boy who is dealing remarkably well with all that he has been through. I am confident that you are both going to weather this storm well and be OK in the long run. In the meantime, continue to embrace the pleasure of the quiet moments with your son, find some time to laugh and be silly together, and breathe. Thinking of you!
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