I have a million ideas for blog entries swirling around in
my head, but they’re swirling so much I can’t settle on just one right
now. So instead, I’m just going to blog
about life right now.
Being back at work last week was rough on Finn and me
both. Finn has been having a lot of
separation anxiety and been incredibly needy, wanting to be held almost all the
time. This weekend I did get him to play
on the floor and in his exersaucer, but he really wanted me to be right there
next to him almost the entire time, which makes it difficult to get anything
done. He’s even gone from being happy
with anyone holding him, to wanting only me.
BB brought me (an incredibly yummy) dinner this afternoon and he was happy with her holding
him for a little while, but started to get fussy much sooner than he usually
would, especially with me sitting right beside him. Another friend that Finn knows well came over
for a visit this weekend, and he had an absolute meltdown when I left the room
while she was holding him. I know he’s
been through a lot the past few weeks, but it seems so early for him to be having
any separation anxiety!
Finn looks so happy and healthy and normal – it’s still hard for me to believe that he has cancer.
The prognosis is great (90% survival rate at 5 years) but that means 1
out of 10 doesn’t make it. There’s
nothing about Finn’s case that makes me think he would be in that 10%, but
that’s still the fear that lingers. I
manage not to dwell on it too much, but by avoiding thinking about it, I find
myself struck with paralyzing fear at the most unexpected times – when out on a
walk and having a random stranger comment on how cute he is, when singing his
favorite song to him, or when looking at him asleep in my arms.
Before his first MRI, I’d planned on working on getting him
used to sleeping alone, at least back in the cosleeper for part of the night,
and I’d planned on trying to start putting him down before he’s fully
asleep. But now I find that I don’t want
him anywhere but right beside me at night, and I’m still rocking or nursing him
to sleep, and then keeping him with me while I do my paperwork for work before
bed. Am I spoiling him? Am I making things easier for me now, but
harder for the future when he won’t go to sleep without me?
Despite his new insecurities, Finn is still a happy baby a
lot of the time. I finally managed to
get him laughing on video – I still haven’t captured his belly laugh, but those
are still few and far between. The
strangest things make him laugh – when I took this video it was me saying “lalalala”
that he thought was funny. Yesterday it
was me singing Justin Bieber that did it - and me singing anything is really worthy of a good laugh, so at least that one made sense.
Posts
Cute video. At around that age my niece used to laugh when I would blow my nose. It almost made me happy to have allergies.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what's right or wrong about getting Finn to sleep alone, but the thing that keeps coming to mind is that whatever you do should feel right for you.
Shannon,
ReplyDeleteI just want to say this one thing, it's about Finn's sleeping.
Who cares what he'll need in 2 months or 2 years or 20 years in regards to sleeping? Right now, he needs you and you need him. You do what you need to do and what feels right to you. I got to this point with Tate at about 5/6 months old. I rocked him to sleep every single night (AND he wasn't sick!!!) because he liked it and I liked it. That was all I needed to know. And I rocked him to sleep until he was about 14 months old. And guess what he figured it out all on his own, with no whining, screaming and crying. I laid him down one night a little less asleep and he looked up and went to sleep. Each night was a little bit less asleep and voila. He could put himself to sleep.
Now certainly it was a bumpy road, and I still had to rock him many a night. But my feeling was this...
They are only babies and toddlers for a brief moment in time. At age 5 or 6 they aren't going to want to be rocked to sleep, heck maybe not at 3 or 4. These months of this are fleeting. (and I know plenty of young children want their parents to lay in bed with them, but that is completely different than that warm body cocooned in your arms in my opinion)
If it takes a bit for Finn to learn fall asleep on his own in a few months, so be it. This is where you are now. Love on that precious boy all night long.
Jennifer
P.S. That video is precious. Tate and I pray for you and Finn every night (his hippo lovey does too :) )
OMG, that laugh is SO cute! HE is SO cute!
ReplyDeleteI'm living vicariously, can you tell?! ;)
Shannon, enjoy EVERY moment!
Such a lovely video - thanks for sharing. I am sure that you must do what you feel you want to. This way he will learn from you how to sooth himself - and by the time he does, I am sure you will find you miss rocking him to sleep!
ReplyDeleteHe's beautiful, Shannon. Do whatever you and Finn need to do to feel better right now. That is what matters. There may be tough nights in the future, but right now the security you both get is more important.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the consensus here... You do whatever it is that works for you and Finn. And if it means that he sleeps with you, then he sleeps with you. Heck... Jessi was never a sleeper and would wake up AT LEAST twice a nice till she was 10 or 11. On too many occasions I just had her crawl into bed with us because we all needed SLEEP! So how's that for an excuse!?!
ReplyDeleteFinn needs you right now and you need him. He may be a little too young to have this level of separation anxiety but he's also been through so much more than your average 3 month old baby. And the one constant in his life that has been with him 24/7 is his mommy. So it's natural that he'll be a little clingy. But he'll eventually get past that as well. You have a wonderful Nanny who's good with him so I'm sure that once he gets accustomed to being with her again while you're at work, he'll settle into his routine... But for now - be as clingy as you want with each other!
Love you!
Keep on loving and enjoying every precious moment with that beautiful boy!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others... let the proverbial tomorrow take care of itself.
Such a sweetie, he is!
I love that video! His laugh and smile are precious. I wouldn't worry a bit about him sleeping with you. I myself fret so frequently about how my decisions will affect my children in a year, in 5 years (like letting him keep a pacifier for longer than recommended so now he'll probably need braces, ya know, stuff like that) but I'm getting better at taking my own advice to live in the moment and make the best decision for what works right then. And you're making great decisions for where you're at right now!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteOkay, he's so stinking cute, Shannon. And you're right, he looks so healthy.
ReplyDeleteI was a sleep nazi. But I read your post and I thought "to hell with it!". co-sleep, nurse to sleep, rock to sleep. He needs it and JUST as importantly, YOU need it.
You guys have been through the ringer, don't worry about sleep training or anything of the sort until you're both back to your old selves.
xoxo.
Shannon, he's so adorable! I can only imagine your fears.
ReplyDeleteRe sleep, we are still happily co-sleeping at 21 months. She often falls asleep lying on top of me, then I move her to her side of the bed, but sometimes she climbs off me and goes to her side of the bed on her own. Last week she spent 3 nights at my mom's without me. My mom co-sleeps with her when she's there, but has a different bedtime routine. She commented to me about what a secure child Sunshine is. I think co-sleeping has a lot to do with it. Yes, it took her longer than some babies to sleep through the night, but she has now for a while. Maybe it will take longer for her to learn to fall asleep without me right there, but she'll get there. As a single, working mom, I treasure the closeness we have co-sleeping.
I think Finn will have a long, healthy life once he gets through all this, but he's only going to be this little for a short time, drink it up.
I love the video. What a little sweetheart. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone else. I don't think you need to be worrying at all about Finn not sleeping on his own right now. I think you're doing what's best for both of you. You've both been through so much the past few weeks - you both need that comfort and closeness.
Still sending lots of happy, healthy thoughts Finn's way...
He is soooo adorable! He is just perfect! Hang in there! You and Finn will be in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteWhat everyone else said.
ReplyDeleteIt will be difficult getting Finn out of your bed whether you do it now or in a year or in 3 years. Might as well keep him with you now, when you both need it.
He is super cute, and I'm glad he's happy and acting healthy. Best wishes with everything.
I agree with everyone else about the co-sleeping...I've spent a lot of time beating myself up about co-sleeping with Elena, afraid I was spoiling her. If anyone deserves the closeness of co-sleeping, it's Finn & you.
ReplyDeleteFinn is just adorable!!