Forward Thinking

Puerto Rico was wonderful.  The hotel was beautiful, the beach lovely, and the pool was amazing.  It was also the perfect amount of time: just enough to be able to relax, but short enough that I didn’t feel lonely. 

I’m finding it hard to write about what this weekend did for me without sounding a little silly, so please bear with me as I struggle to put my thoughts into words.  It was nice to be able have time to think clearly about where I am right now, without distractions other than the sun and the heat.  I’ve come to the conclusion that as much as I hate having to wait another month, it was probably a good thing.  I have more time now for the supplements I’m taking to improve my egg quality, my body has another month to heal, and so does my spirit.  I was finally able to think about trying to conceive without feeling all the negative emotions associated with my miscarriage overshadowing everything.  Those emotions haven’t gone away, but they’re more manageable now, less overpowering. 

I also listened to Kathy Freston’s “Visualizing Pregnancy” meditation for the first time since April, and I did okay with it.  It’s what I listened to almost every day for the month before my successful IUI, and I’m certain that it helped to calm me down and to sleep better, especially during my 2ww.  I didn’t find as helpful this time, maybe because it just doesn’t seem to apply to me anymore, as it focuses a lot on actually believing that you can get pregnant.  I did listen to the first two “precycle” meditations from Circle and Bloom’s Meditation for IUI/IVF cycle.  These are geared towards enhancing the mind/body connection, and feel much more appropriate for me right now.  I’ll continue to listen to the “precycle” meditations over the next month, and then move on through the rest of the program as I go through my next cycle, and let you all know what I think of them then. 

For now, I’m excited that I’m able to focus on doing the right things to help make my next IUI a success, instead of still focusing exclusively on what I need to do to heal.  Looking forward – it’s a nice feeling.