Toddler and Mommy Meltdowns

Finn is usually a pretty easy going kid, but this weekend has my head spinning.  He has been sweet and fussy, loving and screaming all in the course of two days.  I almost think I could handle it easier if it was non-stop fussiness.  Then at least I'd know what to expect.

This afternoon I was putting the finishing touches on the homemade beef stew I'd made for dinner, a stew that took me just about Finn's entire nap to put together.  Finn was interested in what I was doing, so I let him stir for me.  He loved it.  He loved it so much that when I first asked if he wanted to feed the cats (his favorite job) he said no.  The next time I asked if he wanted to feed the cats he didn't even answer me, he just gave me a kiss and kept stirring.  The third and fourth times were the same, and the fifth time he followed his kiss by putting his head on my shoulder - all while stirring.  It was so sweet and hilarious how he already knows exactly the way to play me when he wants to.

Eventually he did get tired of stirring, though, so we fed the kitties, and went outside to play until dinner was done.  We came inside and I made our plates, told him to get his water cup and go to his high chair, and I brought our plates and utensils to the table.  He first tried to eat the stew with a fork, but was having trouble and starting to show signs of throwing a temper tantrum, so I suggested he use his spoon. It worked at first, but then he accidentally spooned all his meat onto the floor instead of onto his spoon.  And he had a meltdown.

I tried everything.  I tried Happiest Tod.dler on the Blo.ck" todd.ler-speak.  "Finn mad!  Spoon is hard!" followed by "Fingers ok. Finn eat with fingers," which worked to calm him down, but then he'd immediately start screaming again when I gave him his food back.  I took him away from the table, calmed him down and then brought him back.  I tried putting the food on his spoon for him and then letting him feed himself.  I took his spoon away and tried to get him to eat with his fingers.  That had the best success, but then he saw me eating with a fork and freaked out all over again.  In the end he had maybe 4 bites of dinner, and I'd had enough.  I made him a larger than usual cup of milk and brought him upstairs for his bath.

He continued to scream for the first half of his bath, and then suddenly was happy. After bathtime we had a nice cuddle session with books, and then headed out for our walk.  He fussed the entire walk.  Every time I'd think he was finally asleep, he'd start crying again.  After 45 minutes, I just couldn't do it anymore, and so now he's rolling around in the bed next to me and still refusing to sleep.

I need to stretch out my sore back and stiff shoulders.  I didn't finish dinner, I'm starving, and I need to eat. I'm exhausted and in need of a good cry.  (And I also finally understand how my mom felt when she'd spent hours cooking something and I didn't eat it.  Dammit, that stew was really good and neither one of us enjoyed it.)

This is the hardest part of being a sing.le par.ent: not having someone to take over when I've absolutely had it.  When I wrote about how Nanny M took Finn when he was fussy for the second night in a row I said, "This is what it must be like to be married," and several people commented that no, that's not what it's like to be married.  I know that in most married families, the mom is the one who does most of the hard work child-rearing.  But I also know, that on a night like tonight, when I'm emotionally drained and have a toddler who is playing peek-a-boo around my computer, if I were married, I would leave my husband to deal with him and I could go downstairs and eat my dinner in peace.

Everything else about being a si.ngle pare.nt can be hard, but I've never done it any other way, so it really isn't that bad.  But this?  Tonight?  This sucks.