Good Things

This BFN was the hardest BFN I've had in the whole TTC business.  All along I was so SURE that I was going to luck out with my second try for #2; it really has felt like I'm mourning a loss instead of just a BFN. But at the same time I'm already so lucky to have Finn - it's a sadness that isn't tinged with the fear of "what if I'm never a mom?" that everyone one of us has when trying for our first. And for that I am incredibly thankful.  As sad as I am, I know I am so lucky to have the one little boy I already have.  

I've also had a two day headache accompanied by an irritating eye twitch that has me wishing I'd save the last of the narcotics I got after my c-section.  I could really use one (or two) of those right now.  The worst seems to be easing off now - I hope it really is almost gone.

Even though two months seems like forever right now, I know it really isn't.  And with all I have going on this month, it will probably seem even shorter than that. I'm trying to keep reminding myself of that. And I'm making lists - lists to help me feel better about this delay. My first list is the list of the good things that will come from the two month wait.

• Almost two more weeks of maternity leave.  I don't get maternity leave - just vacation time.  So in two months I'll earn another 3-4 days. They also allow us to transfer 40 hours of vacation pay into short term disability every year - and they match those 40 hours.  I've already transfered for this fiscal year, and now will be able to transfer another 40 hours next July. So another week there!
• Finn may be potty trained - or close to it - by the time baby #2 finally arrives.
• He will definitely be ready for the big boy bed. So I will be able to put him in the room that is currently the guest bedroom and new baby will get the crib.
• I won't be traveling 3 weeks in a row while in my first trimester.
• I'll have time to get Finn settled into a new sleep routine before I'm too exhausted from early pregnancy to be able to contemplate an evening walk every night.
• I can go shopping now for some new winter work clothes.  I'm SO tired of the stuff I have that I can wear right now but had been holding off, thinking I could move to maternity work clothes soon.  I don't want to spend much money, but getting 5-6 more shirts and a couple of skirts would go a long way and make me prettier and happier at work.
• I can take Aleve all I want for my headache.
• I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I really want to do this crazy thing and have another baby.

I hope everyone in the Northeast US is staying safe from Hurricane Sandy!  We're just getting a lot of wind - and Boo the Ghost fell victim to Sandy's evil ways earlier today.  He was found in the neighbor's yard - luckily he didn't go too far, he's one of Finn's favorite people.