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| Just-woke-up-Bedhead |
It's been surprisingly easy to transition him to the crib at his bedtime, much easier than I thought after our first epic fail in April. For the past two weeks, I've cuddled with him in my bed, reading a few stories while he drinks his bottle, and then I put him in his crib. Just like when he went to sleep in my bed, some nights are easy, and some nights are hard. But he always goes to sleep in his crib.
The hard part is keeping him in his crib. And the honest truth is, I'm really happy with the way things work now with our sleeping arrangement. He sleeps for a few hours, and then wakes up anywhere between 11pm-2am. I have been bringing him to my bed to nurse and then he stays the rest of the night with me. That first feeding is a real feed - he definitely eats. The other two (yes, two) are just comfort sessions. He swallows a little but mostly it's just the comfort of boob in mouth that he's after.
I've been hoping that he would just start sleeping through the night one of these nights and then - miraculously - he'd be weaned. Last night was the closest we've gotten to that. He went to sleep at 8:30 after taking a 5 ounce bottle (the largest bottle he's taken at bedtime so far - he usually only wants 2-4 ounces from a bottle at any given time, even though I know he gets a lot more than that when he nurses) and he slept until 2am. His previous record in his crib was 4 hours, and I know it was the 5 ounces that did it. I tried 6 ounces tonight, but no luck, he only took about 4. But earlier in the week I was lucky to get 2 in him, so that's progress!
Last night I had another bottle ready for when he woke up. He only took about 1 ounce, but it was a start. He wanted to nurse after that, and I was feeling engorged, so I was more than happy to let him. I woke up enough the other two times to try to deny him, but he just fussed and threatened to wake up completely, so I gave in and let him nurse.
Writing it down, it's pretty clear to me that I have two choices. One is to put him back in his crib after that middle of the night feeding, or keep him in bed, but deny him the next attempts at nursing, even if it means that he wakes up fully.
I suspect that weaning would be a lot easier right now if we'd never coslept. I'm sure he's capable of sleeping through the night without needing to eat, and I bet he'd be doing just that if he had always been in his crib. Despite this, I don't regret cosleeping at all.
When I went back to work, it was so easy to have Finn cuddled up in the bed next to me. I slept in a nursing tank, and when he'd wake up to eat, I'd pop the tank open, let him latch on and fall back to sleep. The next time he woke up, I'd move to the other side so he could latch on to the other boob. I usually woke up with both sides of my top down, and Finn snuggled nearby with milk drool on his face. People would ask me, "Are you getting any sleep?" and I was always surprised by the question. From about 4 months to 10 months, I got more sleep every night that I had in years. Finn didn't sleep through the night, but I didn't have to do more than halfway wake up to keep him happy.
For that reason alone, I'm glad we've coslept. I can't imagine dealing with the stress of the past year while being as chronically sleep deprived as I know I would have been if he'd slept in his crib during that time. The other benefit of cosleeping for me is being able to be so close to him. I thought it always seemed silly when other people said it, but I've found it's true - sleeping with him in my bed allows me to feel connected to him after an entire day apart.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to go with option #2. When he wakes up in the middle of the night I'll offer him a bottle, and then bring him to bed and let him nurse, but deny him the other attempts, even if it means he wakes up. Then it'll just be that middle of the night nursing session we have to give up.
I've not been well rested in about 3 months, and it looks like things might get worse for a while before they get better. Maybe I should start going to bed earlier.
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Wow, I could have written this whole post. Carys is on exactly the same schedule. Goes to sleep in crib, wakes at about 10:30 to nurse then sleeps with me rest of night and nurses at least 2 more times. I tried giving her a bottle of formula tonight before bed, just wondering if it would fill her up more and she might sleep longer, but she refused it. She'll take formula at daycare, but has rarely accepted a bottle from me. That didn' work! I know if I tried to refuse her the boob while cosleeping she would get super pissed off! When it comes to that for me, I'll have to just make her cry it out in her crib. But we're not there yet, either, in part because she still isn't eating a lot of solid food so I like to get the extra calories in her at night.
ReplyDeleteNow I don't have the added complication of T42, like you. Someday we'll get it figured out. Good luck!!
Yeah, I hear you. I was able to keep them separate with LG, because we had to give up nursing before we gave up co-sleeping; she took bottles in the night, though, as she *needed* the calories (she was maybe 19 lbs at 1 year). My friend A finally weaned her 2-year-old from nursing/co-sleeping by letting him stay with the grandparents for a few days. It was enough to disrupt a pattern. Still, she's not getting any sleep with him in his own bed because he wakes up now when he didn't sleeping with her... Kind of a long term vs. short term gain. Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I should say, I know what you mean about being well-rested while co-sleeping and nursing. It is just SO easy to feed a baby who wakes a few times a night that way; LG did every 2 hrs until she weaned, and even that didn't bother me.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard for me to completely relate to you. I did not cosleep, so I did not have the emotional hardships of weaning Scarlett from my bed. I did breastfeed for the first year - having her give up her middle of the night feed(s) was challenging, but accomplished when she was 6 months. Luckily she weaned herself from breastfeeding just past a year - I had dried up and she decided that she was okay with that. My heart goes out to you. Good luck with all of this at once. You may be in for some sleepless nights :)
ReplyDeleteCheck out Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution -- she teaches a method of night weaning that allows you to continue co-sleeping. I haven't tried it but it might work for you.
ReplyDeleteThis growing up business is tough! You have my support!
I'm late to the game here, sorry about that...I could go on & on about Elena & I & what's worked, what hasn't but thru everything what I know most of all is that it's a constant flux & change...you'll have nights (weeks of night) where things will be awful & hard & then everything will be great for a while then Finn will teeth ( or have HFM Disease) & be up for days...co-sleeping is something I swore I'd never do & am now beyond grateful that I have. After being away from Elena all day, I cherish that closeness, even if we're both just sleeping. If you find you have to give up co-sleeping, I can imagine how hard that would be...I'm rambling here, I'm sorry (only 3 hours sleep last night) basically what I'm trying to say is try lots of things & techniques because I think that's what got Elena & I to where we are & I think that way you'll find what is best for you & Finn.
ReplyDeleteSo many times I have put off ending the cosleeping for just the reason you said - I am tired, and continuing gets me rest! We didn't have a problem with night weaning, luckily, and J would sleep through the night in our bed but wake up multiple times a night in his own. I've read many baby sleep books that say this might happen the "first first nights." ha! Anyway, right now J goes to sleep in his own bed, and partway through the night he walks over to our room and climbs into bed with us. I don't usually wake up when he does this, so for the most part it's working for us. On the nights when he wakes up at 12:30 or 1, I tell him it's not time to come into our bed yet. I carry him back to his bed and he's asleep within 5 minutes as long as I stay nearby. So i guess i'm content to take it slowly for now, although with me being pregnant I'm not exactly sure what we'll do as it starts getting harder to fit us all in.
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