Moods

Finn and Vagus

I have been so weepy the past week or so.  Enough that I actually poked around on the internet, and found that depression is commonly associated with weaning.

I don't exactly feel depressed - I'm actually feeling pretty optimistic and cheerful these days.  But the slightest thing can set me into tears right now.  Finn giving me an especially cheeky grin.  A patient telling me a sad story.  A friend sharing lovely details about a new relationship.  Fiona telling Levi he'd always be a part of their family as they said goodbye to their dear friend this week.  The sight of the last 6 bags of frozen breast milk sitting forlornly at the bottom of my freezer.  All of these and more have made my cry the past few days.  It's starting to get a little ridiculous.

Finn hasn't nursed since last Saturday, the 16th.  When I bring him to bed he no longer takes his pacifier out of his mouth so he can start rooting around, and so my heart hurts just a little bit less every day.  Amazingly enough, he hasn't even wanted a bottle at all when he's woken up the past 5-6 nights.  He has regressed a little with sleeping in the crib, though.  Saturday and Sunday he woke before midnight and wanted to come to bed.  Tonight he woke up after being in the crib less than 20 minutes and screamed until I put him in my bed, and then he went right to sleep.  This after sleeping in his crib from 9pm to 6:30am on Friday night (and then sleeping from 6:45 until 10:45 on Saturday morning!)  Walking him to sleep is continuing to be a huge success, and I'm loving the exercise.

Let me up, now!

He's decided that my bed is his favorite place in the world.  When we get up in the morning, he'll happily play on the floor, but then when it's close to time for me to leave for work he crawls over to the bed and cries for me to put him in it.  As soon as I set him on the bed he lets out a contented sigh/laugh and grins at me like I just gave him the very best gift ever.  If I don't immediately put him on the bed when he wants up there, he throws a huge fit.  The fit ends the second he's on the bed, though.  And then he's picking up a book and asking me to read to him.  My boy loves his books!  He'll read to himself, but he really loves it when I read.  Most mornings we read 2-3 books, and at night we can read 5-6 before he starts to get distracted. He's already started to ask that I read the same one over and over again, especially the ones that lend themselves to a lot of sound effects.

But back to weaning - I'm so lopsided these days.  My right side is back down to pre-pregnancy size, but the left one (Finn's favorite) is lumpy and tender and big.  It's not engorged - it's more like I have a couple of clogged ducts that need to go down, though I bet a good nursing session from Finn would take care of it.  I've read that peppermint is good for decreasing milk supply, so I'm going through Altoids like crazy, and considering starting sage tea, which is also supposed to be good for decreasing supply.  Ice has helped the tenderness to the point that it's now only tender when I press on it, so I've been avoiding pressing on it.  I'm really curious to see if I can still express milk, but I'm trying to avoid it, so that I'm giving my body any signals to make more milk.   

I did discover that wearing white pants with a 13 month old does not do anything to attract AF.  All it does is attract dirt.