A Better Day

Getting some use out of the crib

This morning started with the nurse poking her head in our room to let us know that transport was on their way to take us to radiology.  (As an aside, the nurses are encouraging our cosleeping, and even helped out with putting the crib next to the bed to help keep him safe, which is so great.  I don't think I'd get a wink of sleep if they made me put Finn in his crib.)  Finn woke up on his own right before they came, and I had time to wash my face and put on a jacket to cover up my nursing mom cleavage.  He loves riding in the wheelchair.  I hold him facing forward and he takes it all in as I chat to him about what we're seeing and kiss his little head.

The ultrasound was the easiest test so far; he actually seemed to enjoy it, and I was able to watch the screen for a lot of it.  The tech didn't see anything at all on his kidneys, but we did see one cyst on his spleen - weird for an infant, but it's definitely not metastatic cancer.  Shortly after that the surgeon, Dr S, showed up with the oncologist.  There had been some concern that the MRI might need to be repeated, but he was happy with the images and didn't think we needed to do anymore, which was a huge relief.  He couldn't explain the cyst, but said that it was something we could worry about later, if we need to, and I'm fine with that.

The plan right now is to get the MIBG scan this week, which will tell us if the tumor in his chest really is the only tumor.  If it is, he'll get surgery early next week; the surgeon will first try thorascopically to completely remove the tumor, and if that's not possible, he'll at least get a biopsy to confirm the diagnosis.  If he can't get it all, Finn will definitely need chemotherapy, and the surgeon seems to think that would be curative as well.  This plan is so much better than the scenarios the oncologist was going over when we were first here - if he truly doesn't have metastatic disease, then this makes his prognosis even better, and what he'll likely have to endure so much less.

Finn looks and acts so healthy, I just can't believe that something is truly wrong with him.  He's definitely feeling the effects of my emotions and all the poking and prodding, though - he's been waking up in the middle of naps crying and he seems much more attached to me than usual.  He notices if I'm out of eye sight and get distressed very quickly.  I'm trying so hard to hold it together when he's awake, but oh I hate the thought of the pain and trauma he's going to be going through in the next few weeks.  Why does such a sweet, happy little boy have to go through something like this?  I'd gladly take it all for him, if I could.


Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for the thoughts and prayers and words of support.  They mean so much right now.