What if it All Goes Right?

Sunday marked the beginning of the nausea.  I’m still able to eat whatever I want, but I have to be careful, because if I get too hungry or too full then I’m in trouble.  I haven’t actually gotten sick yet, thank goodness.  I hate throwing up!  I can handle feeling the nausea, but since I’m just past 5 weeks, I think it might get worse.  I’ve got non-drowsy Dramamine, ginger ale and Zofran at the ready, though! 

I’m still getting lots of cramps and pulling and stretching in my lower abdomen and pelvis.  I know it’s normal, but it’s weird.  No one tell you to expect that sort of thing!   It scared me at first, but now I’m reassured by it, because it means something good is growing in there.  The strangest thing is that while I know my boobs are fuller, they are only a little bit sore, and last time they were so tender by 5 weeks.  I wonder if it’s because they were all stretched out just a few months ago?

All these symptoms are convincing me that I’m really pregnant, but I’m still having a hard time really believing it.  I’ll have moments of excitement and joy, but for the most part it just seems surreal, I guess because I can’t let myself get too happy without reminding myself that something bad might happen.  I literally find myself thinking, “Don’t get too excited!  Remember what happened last time.” 

And then someone posted this (to someone else) on the SMC pregnancy discussion board today – the lines to a song she says helped her through her recent pregnancy.  The words are just perfect.  

What if that road that you’re taking’s a dead end

What if love leaves you all jaded and broken

What if that limb breaks you’re climbing out on

Yeah, what if it all goes wrong

But, what if it all goes right

What if it all works out

What if the stars line up

and good luck rains down

What if you chase your dreams

and it changes your whole life

Yeah, what if it all goes right

What if that road is a beautiful slow drive

what if that love ends up lasting a life time

what if that limb holds you, oak tree strong

what if this time nothing goes wrong

What if it all goes right

What if it all works out

What if the stars line up

and good luck rains down

What if you chase your dreams

and it changes your whole life

Yeah, what if it all goes right

What if you climb to the mountain top

and touch the sky

grab a cloud as it passes by

you might fall you might fall

but then again you might fly

What if it all goes right

What if it all works out

What if the stars line up

and good luck rains down

What if you chase your dreams

and it changes your whole life

Yeah, what if it all goes right

-Melissa Lawson 

What if it all really does go right?  What if my ultrasound (in 12 days) is great?  What if the next ultrasound shows a baby that continues to grow?  What if this Christmas I have a big belly and everyone knows my secret?  What if next May I'm holding my little miracle?  

What if it all goes right?  It really will change my whole life.