Wholehearted

another jumping pic

In the day to day grind of taking care of two boys and working full time, I struggle with knowing how to do the right things with my kids.  I know what sort of men I want my boys to grow to be, I want my boys to grow to be kind, strong, confident, compassionate men. What I don't really know is how to do it.  What are the things I can do to foster their emotional growth while also getting them to do what I ask them to do?  How do I raise good kids?  

A few months ago, Kristie suggested in the comments to another post that I should listen to the audiobook The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting by Brené Brown. I will be forever grateful for that suggestion - for two reasons.  The first is that it reintroduced me to the wonderful world of audiobooks.  I spend an hour in the car every day, and audiobooks are the way to get at least a little reading back into my life.

The second is that I absolutely loved the book.  This isn't a how-to book the way some parenting books are - instead it covers the concepts of what it takes to become a wholehearted person, someone who lives to their fullest potential, is resilient, compassionate and fully present. Brené Brown reads this, and is so enjoyable to listen to as she presents her 10 guideposts and uses examples from her own family life to illustrates her points.

This book spoke to me on so many levels, so much so that I had to listen to it twice. I didn't finish the book saying, "THIS is how I deal with Finn when he's being defiant," but I did finish the book saying, "Ok, his defiance is a good sign that he's developing the way he should."  While I still struggle with how to deal with the defiance, I have learned how important it is to make sure he understands that he's not a bad boy when he behaves poorly, instead, he's a good boy making bad choices. I finished the book truly understanding the important lessons I need to teach my kids, as well as the importance of setting limits, and the importance of letting them struggle and fail.

I feel more confident in my gut instincts.  And much more comfortable with my imperfections, as I better understand how my mistakes and missteps are part of my journey, and help my boys learn as they progress on theirs.

One thing I've come to realize is that growing as a mom also means I'm growing as a person in other parts of my life.  And while right now I'm pretty much consumed by parenting and work, it won't always be that way.  It can't always be that way.  I loved this quote from her book, "Parenting is a journey. We do not forsake our journey for theirs." While I can't really apply this to my life today, I will be able to in a year or so.  And I need to remember this.

I had planned on listening to another one of her books next, as I'd like to delve more deeply into the idea of wholehearted living. But then I stumbled across Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham.  And as I find my threats reflected back at me from Finn ("If you don't let me do this, I won't let you eat any rainbow cereal for breakfast!"), and find myself losing my temper more than I'd like, I think this will be my next book.

This kid loves his jumping pictures - I do, too