No News is Good News?

pre-MRI selfie

I woke Finn up early yesterday morning, "Today is MRI day? I'm so excited!"  He thought it was hilarious that I caught his pee in a cup, and asked if I had it with me multiple times through the morning. He was excited to get his bracelet in registration, and loved the toys in the waiting room, but his excitement disappeared the second we stepped back into the MRI suite.  

We had a new anesthesiologist - a young guy just out of training who was relaxed and easy-going with Finn, introducing himself as Matt with a fist bump for Finn and a smile for me.  Finn adamantly refused to even consider drinking the Versed - he remembered the "yucky medicine" from a few scans ago and was having none of it.  He was clearly nervous, so Matt tried to talk him into it, but Finn was having none of it.  But - for the first time - I was allowed to come back into the MRI room with Finn.  I carried him in and held him while they told him it was time for his astronaut mask and brought it to his face.  And that's when he shocked us all by absolutely freaking out.  Screaming, kicking - he was having none of it.  We struggled for a minute (as I got whiffs of the gas - yuck), and then I turned him around in my lap so his back was against me and I could hold his arms down.  He still screamed and cried, but was asleep in seconds.

The nurse (who we know well) walked me back to the waiting room and reassured me that I'd made the right decision.  She thought that if I'd pressed the Versed, we would have fought him trying to get him to drink it, he wouldn't have gotten any in, and then we would have still had to fight him in MRI. I hope she's right.

This was the fastest MRI day ever.  We barely waited after checking in, and they were done with the MRI and the ultrasound in just under 2 hours.  He had just woken up when I got upstairs, and I was able to climb on to the stretcher with him and snuggle.  Poor Finn cried and fought when they checked his temp, again when they put the pulse ox on his toe, and again when they took the IV out.  He was hoarse and sounded so miserable.  At one point as I held him I said, "I know this is scary, you are so brave." He said, "I'm not brave." He sounded so pitiful.  I explained to him that being brave means doing something even when you're scared, but I'm not sure if he understood.

He did perk up when it was time to leave, and one of the nurses pushed us down to our car in the wheelchair (ALL the way to our car, talk about great customer service!) and he was just about completely calmed down by the time he was buckled into his car seat.

playing with a craft project while waiting for Dr. B

Our visit with the oncologist was also fast.  He got his blood count checked (another stick, but just in his finger and he was so good and patient, though he clearly didn't like it), and then we met with Dr. B.  His ultrasound and blood counts looked good, but the MRI results weren't back yet.  I've carried my phone with me nonstop, but still haven't heard anything.  And today was so crazy, that by the time I had time to call, the office was closed.  I'm fairly certain I would have heard something by now if there was anything bad on the MRI, but of course I'm still anxious, and won't feel relief until I hear from Dr. B.  If she doesn't call by the time I take my break to pump on Monday, I'll call her.

headed home

After getting Finn settled at home, I spent the afternoon out.  I did some shopping, bought some new clothes, and got a manicure and a pedicure - wonderfully relaxing.

Bedtime was rougher than usual - but I remembered what I'd been learning from Dr. Laura Markham's book, and kept my cool.  And then as we snuggled in bed, I asked Finn how getting the MRI made him feel.  "Sad.  I didn't like that mask." "And how did it make you feel that I helped them hold the mask on your face?" "Bad." My heart hurt hearing him tell me what I already knew was true.

I hugged him close and told him I was sorry that I had to help them, and I was sorry that he'd been so scared.  How do you explain why you have to do something like that to a 3 year old?  I couldn't do it.  I just told him he needed the MRI to make sure he was healthy, and then told him again that I was sorry, and that I hoped his next MRI wouldn't be so bad.

He snuggled up next to me and said, "Next time, I think I want to drink the yucky medicine."  And then he went on to tell me, "Tell those guys, those MRI guys, that I want to take that mask and throw it in the street so cars will drive over it and break it and then they can never use it again!"

We had lots of snuggle time today, but not as much time for roughhousing as I think Finn needed, because it scared Zachary. So Finn and I have a date for a ticklefest tomorrow when Zachary is napping.  Followed by more snuggle time.