She wasn't nervous at all, and yet here I am, pregnant with an egg that's even younger than hers, and yet I can't stop worrying.
This week has steadily gotten worse with nausea - I usually wake up feeling fine, then feel worse and worse as the day goes on. I've eaten grilled cheese, egg and cheese biscuits from Bojangles (just about the only way I can get protein in), crackers and lots of ginger ale. Then today at lunch I gave a talk and forced myself to eat some rice, chicken and grilled veggies so no one would wonder why I wasn't eating. And by the time I'd finished with my talk, I was ravenous. I went back to my office and had 2 black bean and cheese burritos and a huge pile of chips and cheese (leftovers from a catered lunch I missed), and then had 3 mini peppermint patties.
It was heavenly to eat and enjoy my food, but of course I also worried that this meant something was wrong, especially when I didn't immediately feel sick after eating so much. I'm feeling a little off now, 7 hours later, and definitely not at all hungry, which is not normal, but still not sick. Why can't I be happy I'm not feeling sick, instead of worried that it's a bad sign?
I've also had some slight pink spotting ever since before my BFP. I know this is not uncommon, but of course I worry. And then today when I wiped there was just a little more pink than I had been seeing. Cue more worry.
Wouldn't it be great to be blissfully ignorant of all the reasons that a woman should worry during pregnancy? Wouldn't it be great if I could stick to my plan of not worrying this pregnancy, and just sitting back and enjoy it as it comes? Wouldn't it be really great if I'd stop worrying and start counting my blessings?
Less than 12 hours until my ultrasound. I hope I can sleep tonight.
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Congrats on this second pregnancy...how exciting! I'm sure I would be just as nervous in your situation--best of luck tomorrow, and I know it will be just fine!
ReplyDeleteI sending positive thoughts in your direction. Best of luck at the u/s tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI know, I know! I so envy those women (many friends of mine) who get a positive pregnancy test and never have to worry about anything - joyfully announce the pregnancy on Facebook at four weeks, etc. I know every time I felt slightly less ill with B I was convinced the pregnancy was over. It sucks! I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow, fingers crossed!
ReplyDeleteMany hugs your way Shannon!! Will be praying for you!! (P.S. I had way more than spotting for almost 10 weeks, every single day from week 5 til week 14). He's upstairs right now snoozing away!!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you!!! Looking forward to hearing about your ultrasound tomorrow!!!
ReplyDeleteSending you and the little peanut lots of prayer and positive thoughts your way. Fingers crossed for a great ultrasound tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI don't believe that there is a single IF-er out there who goes into that first scan calm. Heck, I think it takes several scans to not be worried!
ReplyDeleteIt will go great! I have no doubts!
Will be thinking of you tomorrow. Anxiety is normal. Your betas were great and I believe everything will be perfect! Your tweets about patients are funny and fun to read btw. :-)
ReplyDeleteThinking good thoughts...good luck today
ReplyDeleteI had a Facebook friend post a picture of her positive pee stick the same day she got the BFP, and I thought the same thing. How could she not be terribly worried? I'm hoping your scan today shows that everything looks wonderful. Fingers crossed so tightly for you!
ReplyDeleteYes, there are some people who are that naive! But I hope you scan goes well and there is nothing to worry about. It's exciting (if nerve-wracking)!
ReplyDeleteI always thought I'd keep things quiet, but when I was matched with my sons birth mom, it was all over the "news" within an hour. :)
ReplyDeleteExcited for your update
Oh, Shannon, the scanxiety will get you every time... I'm so sorry you've been so worried! I really, really hope your fears were stymied (is that the right word??) at your u/s today! Can't wait to hear how it went, but I just *know* all is well!
ReplyDeleteDoes it help to be reminded that you can't have your pain in advance? (thanks, Jen, who keeps telling me this.) Agonizing now won't prevent anything bad from happening. You are pregnant right now. That's all you can know.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have every reason to think you will have a great ultrasound tomorrow! those beautiful young eggs!