Better Night

On our ice walk

We were hit with an icy mix of sleet and freezing rain today, and I made the executive decision to close the office at noon, as most of our patients had already called to cancel as it was.  I got home (after the obligatory stop at the grocery store) while Finn was napping, and seriously considered taking a nap, too.  I probably should have, but instead worked industriously to get some paperwork done before he woke up.

We had a lovely afternoon, and even ventured outside to walk on the ice covered grass (the sidewalks were too slippery) for a few minutes.  And I dreaded bedtime the entire time.  But luckily it was a much better night. He fought it for a bit, but was sound asleep within 15 minutes.

Several of you asked about what I was going to do with our sleep issues long term.  I need to preface that answer with a little summary of how we got here.  He has always been a difficult sleeper (and it's possible that I've always been a pushover).  I will never forget one of those first nights in the hospital when I was so exhausted that I let the nursery keep him so I could sleep.  The nurse came in with a crying baby hours before I expected her, "I'm so sorry, but we've tried everything and he just won't stop crying." As soon as Finn heard my voice he stopped crying, and immediately fell asleep the second I picked him up.  He refused to sleep in the bedside cosleeper, for weeks only sleeping if he was being held.  As he got older, I tried to put him down before he was completely asleep, but all that accomplished was another 20-30 minutes of holding and/or rocking before he would stay asleep.  I tried a modified version of cry it out, and he beat me down and outcried my ability to outlast him.  This past summer, I walked him to sleep every night, and loved it.  He slept and I got in a workout.  But when the weather turned colder, and it got dark really early, that stopped.  And I struggled with putting him down in the crib, and dealing with him crying and fussing.  Bedtime was an hour or more of pure misery.  I knew rocking him to sleep would work, but I didn't want to do that for fear of ruining him for life.

And then I read the The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers. In it, she says that if the routine of rocking your child to sleep (or staying with them in their room until they fall asleep) doesn't bother you, then there's no need to change it.  I suddenly felt free of guilt, and was able to rock him to sleep with minimal fuss most nights.  I love the cuddle time, and it's easy.  Usually.

I'm pretty sure that last night's cry-fest was brought on by more than just his refusal to sleep. I really am exhausted.  I had a very hard time falling asleep during my two week wait and got horrible sleep (this despite the fact that Finn was sleeping from 8pm to 7am or later every night in his crib). Then I got my BFN and was trying to decide what my next step would be, and could barely sleep those nights, either.  I was finally getting back on track with my sleep when Finn got sick and his sleep went to hell.  So I think I've averaged about 5-6 hours of sleep a night for the past month.  That (plus all that the past month has brought with it) has left me a little emotionally fragile.  All your supportive comments to my post yesterday were just what I needed, and are much appreciated!

But to get back to the sleep plan - I've already instituted one change, and that involves me getting ready for bed when Finn does.  I brushed my teeth when he did, he washed his face while I washed my face, and we both got our pjs on together.  That should make it easier for me to go upstairs and get straight into bed, instead of messing around for 30 minutes once I finally turn off the computer and go upstairs.  And it made our nighttime routine fun and easy, since Finn loves doing what I do.

Once I'm safely pregnant, I'll be turning the guest bedroom into Finn's room, and plan on having him start sleeping in there (in a big boy bed) well before the baby arrives.  So as my belly gets bigger, we'll stop rocking to sleep and start with me sitting by him in his bed as he falls asleep (which also works well now, if we're out of town and don't have a rocker). The author of the No Cry Sleep Solution has a chapter that will walk me through gradually transitioning Finn from needing me by his side, to being able to fall asleep without me in the room.  And by the time I'm that pregnant, he should be old enough to be able to handle the change.

In the meantime, I really hope the horrible nights are over for awhile.  I'm going to take advantage of the sleeping baby while I can, and go to sleep now, even though it's not even 10pm yet.