Since I made my decision to go forward with donor eggs, my anxiety and trepidation has gone away. I am filled with excitement and anticipation - and not a little bit of surprise at how hard it was for me to make this decision. As good as I feel about it now, I can't believe how hard it was to make in the first place.
I am looking forward to being pregnant again. I am not the best newborn mommy out there, but I think I'll do a better job my second time around, and I'm looking forward to the chance to try. I am excited to think of nursing another baby, and imagine that I'll nurse well beyond the age of one this time around. I can't wait to see Finn grow into his role of big brother, and watch the dynamic of our little family change to accomodate a new little person. One little part of me is a little sad that this baby-to-be won't share my genes, but it almost feels like it's an obligatory sadness that will pass soon, barely noticed.
The one thing that does truly make me sad is that my last 3 IUIs didn't work, and I'm now looking at spending a lot more money to try to complete my family. It would be so nice to not have to worry about financing baby #2. It would be nice to pay off my home equity loan. It would be wonderful to not have to worry quite so much about money at all. But in the grand scheme of things, it's not that big of a deal. In 5 years my condo will have sold (I hope) and many of my financial worries will be a thing of the past. I'll have a 4 year old and almost 7 year old who won't care what house they lived in the first few years of their lives. I feel incredibly lucky that this is even an option for me - that's what I'm going to try to focus on now.
I talked to my RE's office today and let them know what my plans are. The nurse, Libby, was incredibly supportive, and told me that they would do whatever labs and tests I need for my new clinic. It looks as though I have all the requirements already met, except for a sonohysterogram and a psych evaluation, so the prep work should be easy. I am waiting to hear back from the clinic I'll be using, hopefully I can get a phone consult set up for sometime in the next month. I'd like to plan to cycle at the end of May, as my work schedule is pretty booked before then. That gives me 4 months to get in better shape and lose another 10 pounds. I'm currently 5 pounds lighter than I was when I got pregnant with Finn - if I lose another 10 pounds it will put me back to my preTTC weight. That would be just about the perfect way to start a pregnancy.
Thank you for all the wonderful, thoughtful and heartfelt comments on my last post. I am so blessed to have such incredible support. Thank you.
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After 8 failed IUIs I considered IVF and even donor eggs, because we had no idea why I wasn't successful at age 32. I was a very poor responder to meds and didn't have a lot of faith the IVF protocol would even work for me.
ReplyDeleteWhen I regrouped and looked at my options, I remembered that I'd only chosen IUIs over adoption because I thought it would be faster and cheaper. I was wrong on both counts! The end goal was to be a mom, and when I set out on my new path, I felt the happiness and excitement you describe here. I look forward to what the next few months bring you!
We share very similar stories. SMC...first child a boy... and I spent way too much $$ trying for a 2nd with my OE. I finally succeeded with DE. I'm the proud and very happy mom to 2 boys now (4 3/4 and 6 months) and the love between them is truly awesome. Best to you!
ReplyDeleteI'm excited for you, Shannon! You sound in a good place going forward with this plan. I know what you mean about wondering why it was so hard and why you didn't reach a decision sooner. I've thought of this when thinking back to deciding to ttc in the first place or other things... I think we sometimes can't rush our emotional/psychological embracing of a new idea or direction. Anyway, I love your vision of your family and of Finn as a big brother. Sending positive thoughts for your wonderful next step!
ReplyDeleteHi Shannon! I have a question that I hope comes across as respectful and gentle as I intend it. That question being, if you are using both donor eggs and sperm, what are the advantages of that compared to adopting a newborn? What makes the actual pregnancy part so desirable? (Granted...I'm speaking as a woman who had the most painful, wrenching pregnancies imaginable
ReplyDeleteI totally understand the money woes (mine due to my girls medical bills). But like you, I look at the bright side that I *can* pay these bills, while many families cannot. It hurts - the financial repercussions are real and it is not easy. But it truly is just a bump in the road in the grand scheme of things.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad that money does have to factor into our attempts to have a family. Good luck on this new path. It will all be worth it when you hold your baby in your arms.
ReplyDeleteYou sound good. If there's anything I can do as you navigate this journey, please let me know. I'd be happy to chat on email or over the phone. There's also an unofficial SMC listserv for DE-DS folks...I'd be happy to share info if you don't know about it.
ReplyDeleteMy parents always said if you wait until you have enough money to have children, no one would ever have any.
ReplyDeleteWe've been attempting to save up to buy a home/apartment/condo while contemplating #2. It's very difficult and led to at least one major meltdown (and I never meltdown), but one deep breath later and a realistic view of all the possible outcomes - good and bad - resulted in my sanity. It's the unknown that causes the most stress for me. It sounds like you're in a much better frame of mind than the last few weeks. Good luck!
I love that you're excited! I am sure genetics are hard to let go of, but like you say, maybe it's an obligatory saddness. You've got a great attitude and I can't wait for you to get this process going!
ReplyDeleteIt's so good to read that you are excited about this new approach - even though all the thinking was hard work your feelings now confirm you came to the right conclusion.
ReplyDeleteI think your house right now looks fab anyway. I'm sure it will be a great home for a while. It may be expensive, but a very good investment!
Good luck with it all
It makes me really happy to hear about your plan -- I love that feeling of making a decision and just FEELING that it's completely right. I like what you say about thinking forward to the future, when the kids are a little older, and the current financial woes are history. I'm hoping for that, too!
ReplyDeleteA question - are you choosing a new clinic because they have better success rates or better egg selection or simply because you were not that happy with your current clinic?
ReplyDeletehooray! so glad you are feeling at peace and even excited for your next step!
ReplyDeleteThe fact that most of your anxiety has vanished means you have made the right decision for your family. Best wishes--keep us posted!
ReplyDeleteCrazy to think of Finn as a seven year old :) But your right, those financial concerns will be a thing of the past and the little ones will only think of the wonderful memories they've created in your home not of just the house in particular.
ReplyDeleteMan, if I've learned anything in the past few years it's that nothing seems to go exactly how I have it planned, but that mommyhood is the main objective, no matter how I get to it.
SO glad you're feeling good about your decision. I think that means it was definitely the right one. Also so excited for you as you begin this next part of your journey to completing your family. Best of luck, and keep us posted!
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