CD 1!

In the midst of writing the post that follows below, I got up to use the bathroom and woohooo! After 710 days, AF has finally come to visit!  It's been 3 weeks since Finn last nursed, so really that isn't too long, but I was so afraid that it was going to take 3-4 months to get my period back, so I'm very relieved.  


Yesterday morning I complained to Nanny M that after 3 weeks of walking with Finn almost every single night, and (for the most part) eating healthier, I've actually gained 2.5 pounds, and the pants I was wearing were way too tight.  "Maybe you're bloated," she said, "I'm about to start - maybe we're synching up." She paused for second, "Finn, I'm so sorry."  I'm hopeful that when I weigh in next week I'll see a better number...and that the pimples that have shown up the past few days go away, too.  

And now back to my regularly scheduled post, already in progress:

One of the most difficult parts of my job is taking care of people who don't believe the "Something Bad" will ever happen to them.  Most frequently it's young (20's) kids with type 1 diabetes who don't check their sugars, don't take their insulin and look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them that they could end up on dialysis or blind because of their blood sugars.  I can see it in their smug, defiant little grins that they are thinking, "Oh, but that's never going to happen to ME."

Often it's the pregnant women with gestational diabetes - they're annoyed they have to be seeing me, they really don't want insulin, they're mad they have to watch their diet, they're hormonal and they've read some 15 year old "data" on the internet that suggests gestational diabetes isn't really that bad (data which has since been very strongly refuted). I can cut them some slack when their blood sugars are just marginal, or when they're trying but they just can't get it right, but when their sugars are awful and they still don't give a flying fig - it makes me so angry that at times I've had to get up and walk out of the room to avoid saying, "There are women out their who spend YEARS trying desperately to get pregnant.  They would do anything to have the wonderful gift you are carrying right now, they would do everything in their power to make sure their baby is healthy, and you can't even be bothered to follow your damn diet?"  Again, they look at me and I can see it in their face that they just don't believe it will happen to them.

Maybe none of us ever really believe that the Something Bad will happen.  It's other people's children who get cancer, it's other people who have recurrent miscarriages, it's other people who are infertile, it's other people who have babies with birth defects or chronic health problems, it's other people who have the Something Bad. But not me. Until the Something Bad happens. And the whole world changes.

It's interesting to see that in the ALI community, most of us are aware that none of us are immune to the Something Bad.  And we also are so painfully aware that life just isn't fair, and just because you have had the Something Bad once, doesn't mean you won't get another dose of it again.  And again.

I was thinking on my walk last night with Finn that the Fear of Something Bad is one of the driving factors behind my recent push towards getting healthy.  I'm 41.  I weigh 10 pounds more than I did when I started TTC over 2 years ago (but 5 pounds less than I was at the beginning of my pregnancy with Finn), and when I first started TTC I could run 5 miles, and worked out with a trainer twice week.  During my pregnancy my blood pressure was always just flirting with being too high, and while I passed my glucose tolerance test with flying colors, I had more than one fingerstick blood sugar that was too high.

So I really want to do all that I can to be as healthy as possible when I start TTC #2. And I really hope I can maintain it while TTC, and avoid the emotional eating I was prone to during the whole process the last time.

I've done fairly well so far.  I've gotten at least 3 days a week with more than 10,000 steps for the past three weeks, and with only one exception, I've gotten at least 5,000 steps on all the other days. I'm failing at getting 8 fruits and veggies a day, but I knew that would be hard.  I am getting at least 5-6 servings a day almost every day, though.  The last time I did this, my goal was 5 servings, and I rarely made that many, so I am better than I was in the past. Having lots of fruits and veggies in the house for Finn definitely helps.  Now that CD1 is here, I am officially going back to 1 regular Diet Coke a day. I should probably add getting 8 hours of sleep to my list as well. I've not been doing a very good job with that lately.  It would definitely make it easier to give up the extra Diet Cokes!


I sometimes wonder at how we set ourselves up for such heartbreak by pursuing a family. Many of the Something Bads would never happen to us if we decided not to have children in the first place.

But, oh the joys we would miss out on if we didn't try!