Home Envy

Finn with his favorite toy

This post is about something so ridiculous, I'm almost embarrassed to even write it.  You see, I have horrible house envy.  As many other things as I have going on right now, and with all the difficulties that others are facing, I feel silly being this bothered by my house, but I just can't help myself.

I live in the most adorable neighborhood.  Cute little houses, most with even cuter gardens and front porches.  People here decorate their houses for every holiday, including the 4th of July.  Not just a flag, but full on decorating (one house even had red, white and blue twinkle lights).  My house is a rental, and it looks like it.  The guy who owns it mows the lawn, but only every other week, so half the time it looks ragged.  I have a small little plot of flowers in the back, but that's right next to the plastic pool and water table, which are much loved by Finn, but not so pretty to look at.  I'm the only house on the block with no garage, and I'm right on the corner, so the plastic stuff is hard to miss.  My potted plants are all dead or dying because I can't remember to water them every day and my front porch is just about empty, except for a few of those dying plants and a couple of small lawn ornaments.  I walk by the other houses in my neighborhood and wish that my house was more like them.

Classy, right?

I like the inside of my house, but it is not what I would ever choose if I were buying a house.  It's small, with an open floor plan - you can see straight from the back door to the front door (shotgun style?) The kitchen is huge - there's actually a lot of wasted space with the way it's laid out, but that gives Finn plenty of space to play.  The kitchen table that I love is way too big for the dining room, my furniture doesn't fit quite right in my living room, and the carpet is just a little worn (and it's not hardwood floors).  All the rooms upstairs are small, my bathroom is downright tiny, and I traded in my custom built closets for wire racks...but I have a wonderful front porch off my bedroom.

It doesn't feel like home.  My condo was not right for me and Finn at all, but it felt like home. Not because I'd lived there so long, but because I had made it into a place I loved to be.  I'm having a hard time doing that here, mainly because because of time and money, but also because I am so frustrated knowing that if I could sell my condo, I could buy any one of the homes in this neighborhood and live in a house that I truly loved.

It's ridiculous, I know.  The market sucks, and I'm lucky that I'm still able to pay my mortgage.  Besides, I've only been here since March. While I want to have everything perfect right now, that's just not going to happen. Over the next few months I am going to buy a few more things to organize the mess so it's easier to keep the downstairs neat.  If I could just get motivated, I could get my bedroom completely finished so I could feel cozy and happy in my room, instead of surrounded by clutter.  I would love to buy all new furniture for Finn's room, since what I have was bought for the tiny room I had in the condo, instead of the slightly larger, but much brighter and airier feeling room he has now.  Instead, I'm going to try to find a new bookshelf for his room now, and be happy with that.

While I'd also love to buy a cute set of seats and table for the back, and wooden rocking chairs for the front, I can't afford to do that, either.  I'll keep my eyes out for sales this fall, and maybe I'll luck out with something I can use next year.  Next spring, I think I'm going to plant some hydrangeas in the back to add more color, and to do more to block the ugly air conditioning unit.

I need to get myself to stop wishing for the home that I just can't have right now, and work on making this house into a place that feels like home for me and Finn. We're going to be here a while, so what's really silly is letting myself get so caught up in home envy that I don't do anything to make it better.  And let it bother me so much I waste time writing a blog post about it instead of actually working on the projects I'm in the middle of right now.