Things have changed at work, though. I've cut down on the patients I see a day, and I'm seeing less new patients. I'm not allowing overbooking. I'm not volunteering for extra projects or committees at the hospital. I'm leaving by 5:20 at the latest (I used to leave at 6:30-7, finishing paperwork). Work is now just my job - it's not my life the way it used to be. It feels strange. Good but strange. Motherhood really does change priorities. I was worried that this change might bother me, after having been so dedicated to my career for the past 15 years, but so far I'm not bothered by my change in attitude at all.
Finn is doing just fine without me during the day. That's also made it hard - especially since he doesn't really seem to notice I'm gone, or seem particularly happy when I get home. We have fun together in the morning, but evenings are his grumpy time, so I don't get a lot of smiles when I walk in the door. Like Megan commented on my last post, he is reverse cycling: eating just enough during the day to keep the edge off his hunger (4-8 oz in 9 hours) and then eating a lot in the evening, and waking up 3 times to eat at night. He does go right back to sleep after each feeding, so it's not too bad, and I enjoy the cuddle time before we go to bed, though his frequent feedings mean I don't get much done at night. I'm pumping 15-20 ounces at work every day, so I am building up a big frozen supply. I'm thinking I might actually pump a little less at each session, though, because I ended up having to pump this weekend because I was uncomfortable and Finn had already had his fill. I guess I'll see how the next month goes and then go from there.
This week is going to be crazy at work - our new patient management computer software goes live. I'm looking forward to electronic medical records, but this week is going to be exhausting. At least it's a short one - Friday is my day off.
Posts
Shannon, I know it has to be one of the biggest changes in your life to leave Finn and go to work. I'm like you in that I am chronically at work way too late. I told another teacher recently that if I am ever blessed with a child, my hours will change dramatically and without any guilt. I hope that Finn gets the flow of the new schedule soon and starts giving you better evenings. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you made it through the first week and I hope it gets a little easier as it goes along.
ReplyDeleteWhat EMR system are you using? We have one at work and I have a little access here and there to it. I try to stay out of patient charts if I can help it just so I don't accidentally see anything I shouldn't. So I'm just curious about your system.
Congrats on finishing your first week back!
ReplyDeleteI cut back on my hours at work this past year, in preparation for motherhood. (Meaning I don't work late, not that I work full time.) It DOES feel strange... but good, too, once you are used to it!
Hopefully Finn will get used to being without you enough to start eating a bit more during the day.
And PS, more photos, please! I need to see the dear boy growing!
I do hope I get to bond with my baby the way you have with Finn. Ever though of selling breast milk?
ReplyDeleteI hope this week flies by so that Friday arrives at a blink of an eye!
ReplyDeleteI so empathized with what you wrote regarding motherhood changing your priorities. One of my biggest stresses is how I am going to balance my 50 hour per week job with being a single mother. I'm not even there yet, but I already feel guilty about taking so much time off work to go to fertility treatments and feeling like everyone at work regards me differently--as if I'm less of an investigator because of it. To be honest, I hope to reach a point, where, like you, I"m not bothered by working less because my home life is so fulfilling.
Don't feel too bad about Finn crying when you're home...I read recently on Baby Centre or one of those sites that babies act this way as a sign of trust in their parent...basically it's that once the child is back with Mom, he feels safe again & able to express his emotions, which happens to be crying usually. I know, doesn't make you feel any better, does it? :)
ReplyDeleteThinking of you as you transition!!
ReplyDelete