A Trip to the NICU

Early this morning, around 2am, I got a call from LB’s husband; LB’s water had broken just a little while earlier, and they were at the hospital, prepping for an emergency c-section. LB was 34 weeks pregnant, just started her high-risk monitoring two weeks ago, and had already had an overnight stay at the hospital this week for low amniotic fluid and non-reassuring heart sounds. LB was really hoping that she’d be able to hold out at least another week or so, but her little girl had other plans, and decided, quite forcibly, that it was time for her to be born!

Despite the drama surrounding her delivery, this was the best c-section LB has had yet (last time the spinal didn’t work, and she pretty much felt the entire thing – thank goodness a different anesthesiologist was on call last night!) and she’s doing well. Little Lillian is just 4 pounds, 2 ounces, and looks like a little elf. While she’s having trouble regulating her temperature, she’s already breastfeeding like a champ. She’ll probably have to stay in the NICU for two weeks, but we’re really hopeful this will be an uneventful stay and she’ll be home very soon.

I got to hold her for a few minutes, and as soon as I had her in my arms, partially resting on my bump, Chiquitito started kicking me. Hard. Right where Lillian was resting. I wonder, is it too early for him to be feeling jealousy?

As I held Lillian, I couldn’t help but remember how upset I was when I first learned that LB was pregnant. I’ve felt guilty for that a lot the past few months, especially since this has been such a hard pregnancy for LB. But holding that sweet little girl, I could barely even remember how horrible I felt when I first had learned of her existence. It seems like a lifetime ago. I hope that I would be able to still feel that same joy, love and wonder when holding her if I weren’t pregnant right now; but I am so very thankful that I did not find myself in that situation today. I’m not sure that joy even begins to describe how I felt when holding Lillian while feeling Chiquitito kick inside me. It was definitely one of those moments I’ll treasure for the rest of my life.