Goodbye 38!

Yesterday was my 39th birthday. Birthdays and holidays are always a little hard for me, because it’s around these times of year that I can’t help but think, “Maybe next year, I’ll be in a relationship with a great guy.” “Maybe next year, I’ll be planning a wedding.” And first and foremost in my thoughts at my 38th birthday, “Maybe next year, I’ll be pregnant.”

And every single year the birthday or holiday comes around again, and I’m still thinking, “Maybe next year.”

Despite this, my birthday wasn’t bad. I had lots of cards, good presents, three cakes (two cookie, one traditional chocolate with white buttercream icing – my favorite!), and dinner with my girlfriends. I did indulge in a glass of wine, which was a bad idea, since it made me feel a little nauseated and weepy, even though it tasted lovely. But, the food and company were good, and the slow service made the night last longer, so I had more time with my friends who made me laugh more than I have in weeks.

Earlier this week, I told my office manager that I was dreading my birthday, that it was going to be a bad one. She responded, “No, it’ll be a good one. You’re saying goodbye to a year with bad things, and welcoming in a new year full of only wonderful things.” I know I have that optimism in me somewhere, I just need to find it.