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| Hard Won Sleep |
Finn is a great sleeper. Once he gets to sleep. Seriously, he's sleeps from 8ish at night until at least 7 in the morning, usually waking up around 10-11 for a "dream feed" and that's it. Looking back on the months that he was awake every 2 hours, I can't believe he's now able to go that long without waking up! And once he's asleep, not much wakes him up (now it's a different story if he falls asleep in the car, then we're out of luck, he's guaranteed not to stay asleep for the transfer to his crib or bed).
For months, I could nurse him in my bed at bedtime. He'd finish nursing, look up at me, roll over and go to sleep. Usually it would take 15-20 minutes, tops, to put him to bed. Then, sometime in January or so, he discovered that he could get places when he rolled over. So he'd be nursing, eyes droopy and about to fall asleep, then he'd roll over and say, "Hey! I can keep going!" and he'd be awake for another 30-40 minutes, rolling back and forth on the bed, until he rolled himself to sleep.
Now it's even worse. After nursing, he rolls over, and says, "Hey! I can sit up!" and so he does. He rolls over, sits up and I pull him back down. We'll repeat this over and over again, until I decide to stop pulling him down. Then he crawls around on the bed, fussing because he's tired, until he decides to lie down again, and then we repeat the whole cycle. The last 5-10 minutes is usually pretty comical. His eyes are sometimes closed, and he's so tired that when he sits up he falls back over again, and yet he keeps on doing it until finally he can't fight it any longer and he falls asleep. This can take anywhere from 20 minutes (on a good day) to over an hour on a bad day.
He goes to sleep at about the same time of night every night. I usually take him upstairs before he starts to act sleepy, and I'll put on his pjs with his first signs of being sleepy. He "brushes" his teeth, we wash his face and then read a couple of stories. Then we walk into my bedroom and say goodnight to a few of my pictures then get in the bed. The time might vary by as much as 30 minutes, but it's pretty consistently close to the same time. And if he starts to act much sleepier or fussy, we condense the time.
I've tried cry it out. It worked the first time I did it, but that was before he was sitting up on his own and it was safe to do that in my bed. (I have bumpers that go under the sheets, but I can't put a bedrail in because the bottom of the mattress is below the wooden rail on the side of the bed, and I don't think I could get a bedrail that would fit.) I've thought about putting him in his crib at bedtime, but when we do that for his naps the CIO method never works then either. I've lasted as long as 45 minutes, and he's still sitting up in the crib crying. I just can't handle that.
I've read "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and it was no help. It's all about babies who won't stay asleep, and that's not our issue! I'm open to any suggestions for books on sleep that might be more useful for our situation, or for better yet, suggestions on specific ideas to try.
At the same time, I'm starting to get serious about weaning. Last week was supposed to be my last week of pumping at all at work, but then his illness this past weekend meant that he nursed a lot more during the day that he has in months, and so it was too uncomfortable at work not to pump yesterday and today. For the past few weeks I'd been gradually decreasing how much I pump during the day, and recently have been pumping only about 3-4 ounces once a day. Hopefully I can give it up completely in the next few days.
Before we moved, he'd almost completely dropped the dream feed in the late evening, and was only nursing once a day at bedtime. Since our move, he's gone back to the dream feed, and even some nursing in the middle of the night. But then the past few days he's not done his usual nursing session at bedtime, instead it's more of a grazing sort of thing - take a few sips from mommy's milk, the the pacifier, then back to mommy's milk - I'm sure he's getting a lot less than he usually gets. I had hoped that he'd give up the bedtime nursing last, so as my milk supply dwindled I could transition over to giving him a bottle or sippy cup of milk before bed. Any ideas on how to cut out the night nursing? I'm so used to feeding him in the middle of the night, half the time I wake up to find him nursing and I don't even remember opening my top. (Which means my first thing is to stop wearing the easy access nursing tops to bed!)
I'm a little wistful about giving up nursing. Wistful, but ready to move forward with T42! (For the record, I haven't had a period since July 2010. I haven't really missed it...)
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I have no advice on getting him to sleep or on weaning. He is a determined little man. I hope you get some good advice from some veterans.
ReplyDeleteMy friend A weaned her son (a toddler) at night by putting lemon juice on her nipples. No kidding...
ReplyDeleteWe weaned very slowly. So, the overnights were the first to go. Then, she'd get a big bottle of warm milk (or formula) before bed depending on age before bed. That usually konked her out. We had the same bedtime routine. We'd read and settle down. I'd put on her music and then put on the mobile or lights (depending on age again because the mobile didn't last too long) and then leave. We were lucky because she wasn't a crier though. She didn't have any toys, bumpers or pillows or blankets so she was probably bored. On rare instances, crying it out didn't work with us either. We'd only let her go 20 minutes.
ReplyDeleteHowever, when in her crib, we never took her out. We'd sit in the rocking chair in the room, sat on the floor, but we never took her out. Sometimes, we'd settle her down if she was crying, but she went right back in the crib. I'd bring a book in there and just sit and then we'd stay in a little less.
I've always been against having her in the bed with us, too, from birth. We'd do feedings in her room, bedtime in her room. She's only allowed in our bed in the morning or the rare instance that she has a bad dream. I've spent the night in her room before she came into ours. Not really a big parenting thing, just a weird personal quirk. We're not hardcore about bedtime or anything really, but we're just big fans of routine.
That said, we go through one to two weeks a year where Laura is crazy influenced by growing pains and she won't sleep through the night. So, we've been flexible with the bedtime routine, but the routine helps put them in a frame of mind.
Oh boy...sounds reminiscent of Elena & I'm afraid I don't have much advice since I don't know what worked but eventually we sorted things out.
ReplyDeleteI have weaned Elena down to 1 nursing session before bed (I'm just not ready to give it up even tho I'm sure she is. I know, bad me). Elena is often still awake but very sleepy & usually settles within minutes of putting her in our bed (I have her crib side-carred to my bed which she'll roll into on her own about 15% of the time). When I stopped her night time feeds, I stopped cold turkey (she would dream feed once or twice a night, 12-2am-ish & 4-5am-ish)...once I decided to cut them out I just never gave in again. We had some restless nights but within about 2 weeks she was fine. I never ever nurse her in bed anymore. I read that by nursing her in another room before bed disassociates the feeding with going to bed...not sure it's true but seems to have worked for us.
Elena did the rolling around sitting up thing (& sometimes still pulls it) & I would consistantly lay her back down everytime she'd sit up & wouldn't let her crawl around unless she was crawling into the crib. I never thought she'd stop but (knock wood)she has for the most part. Even last night, she woke up about 4am but just laid there, no rolling around. I could see her eyes were open & she hummed to herself a bit & eventually drifted back to sleep. In the past she would have been all over the place.
I wish I had some concrete advice for you but for us it was trial & error...good luck, I hope you get some better advice & better sleep.
Sounds like he is a stubborn little fella!
ReplyDeleteI don't think I can really offer any advice, but what worked with Gabriel was simply putting him into his crib to go to sleep. No more cuddles in bed with Mom until he was super-drowsy...that worked for a while but when he became more mobile he started the squirming business. He has a sleep-sac, which keeps him a little constrained, and he will toss around and play with his 'video on demand' (aka - mobile), but he is usually asleep in 10 minutes. He goes to sleep wonderfully during the day, but at night I still sometimes have to be in the same room. I ignore him though...work on my computer or read...and so long as he knows I am there he doses off. Some nights I feel guilty for ignoring him, but he is fine, and it only prolongs bedtime if I give in.
Good luck!
I had the exact same problem - BB moved around so much it wasn't safe to put him to bed without me anymore and so a cot was pretty much the only solution (other than me going to bed at 7 - which is tempting, but...)
ReplyDeleteI was really sad about letting go of the co-sleeping arrangement that had worked so well, I love co-sleeping and miss it heaps. What I did was also trial and error (more here http://a-blissful-life.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/sleep-story-continued.html). I just did what seemed right, right now, each step of the way and the solution sort of unfolded.
That story has continued since that post but I didn't write it yet. He is now in his own cot and in his own room (for almost 2 weeks) which came about because I noticed he settles himself better when I'm not there. If he can see me he expects me to solve his problem (feed him to sleep).
He still feeds in the night tho, at least once. He has phases when it's more. He has gone through the night a few times but it's rare.
I definitely think the cot worked out to be better for him, and it is for me too in that I have freedom in the evenings, but I do miss having him there. If he wants to come back to my bed when he gets past the moving all over the place stage I'd be more than happy!
No advice on the weaning at all, sorry...
Good luck with it all
Whenever my boys were going through a milestone their sleep was disrupted--just too excited to try their new tricks to sleep :) I was never a fan of the CIO method either, just couldn't do it. But what I would do is put them in bed and then stand/sit near them, gradually moving away until I was out the door and then sat in the doorway until they were calm. That felt like a good compromise for us and worked wonders! I still have to do it sometimes!
ReplyDeleteAs far as dropping feedings goes, I just always distracted or gave a bottle of water/offered pacifier during the feeding I was trying to drop.
good luck…..its all very challenging!!
Hi Shannon,
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you're going through. I had to stop co-sleeping with my son at 10 months because he moved around too much. I realized I prohibited him from the movement he needed to do to fall asleep on his own. I loved so much snuggling with him all night, but neither of us were getting great sleep.
I read the sleep lady's book. She suggested laying by the crib. Then gradually move toward the door. I didn't follow her advice. I slept for months next to his crib with my hand in the crib. Sometimes woke up in the middle of the night with a sleeping arm because it was lodged in his crib. I also wasn't ready to be away from him at night. I mostly needed to be touching him. Finally when he zonked out I would go into my bed.
At 18 months I let him cry. I started with his naps. First day it was 7 minutes. The second day 5 minutes. The third only whimpers. After naps were mastered, we went to bedtime. We had the same cycle again, but it was maybe 3 nights.
18 months was a long time to wait to beable to put my child to bed and casually walk out of the room. Now he's 2 and practically rolls over to sleep the moment I put him in his crib at 8pm. He wakes up at 6 and I happily scoop him up to my bed to snuggle to sleep for another hour.