 |
| Not Finn (and not me!) |
My schedule at work is set up so I pump for the first time of the day at lunch time. That means I'm always late for lunch, but it's also nice because I use that time while I'm pumping to catch up on messages and do a little paperwork. The second pump session of the day is around 3, but sometimes, if I'm really busy, I end up running really behind because I need that time I set aside for pumping to see patients. That second session of the day is really just a pain in the butt. When I first went back to work, I was pumping 18 ounces a day on average, while Finn was only eating about 10-12. After Christmas, when I didn't pump at all, my supply dropped a little, and I've been pumping around 10-14 ounces a day. Finn is still eating about the same amount every day (even though he's bigger, he's not growing as quickly, and he's eating solids), so my supply keeps building up.
It makes me feel secure, having that supply. I have about 110 bags frozen, each containing 4-5 ounces (mostly 4). And while that takes up a lot of space in my freezer, it really isn't all that much, when you think about how short a time it would last him if I stopped being able to nurse tomorrow.
Which brings me to my dilema. I'm considering dropping that second pump session of the day. I usually get the most milk pumped at my first session anyway; at today's second pump session I only pumped about 5 ounces total. By dropping that second session, I'd start to use up some of my supply - and since I've pretty much run out of room in my freezer, anyway, that wouldn't be a bad thing.
But then I worry if doing that might cause my supply to drop too much. What if I ended up not being able to make enough milk to keep him fed? After all this time, I really don't want to have to start using formula. I probably shouldn't worry, dropping a feeding is the natural first step of weaning. Weaning - oh that word makes me sad. Breastfeeding has been something I'm happy to do, but it's not really a time of significant bonding for us. So why does it hurt me so much to think of weaning him?
The good thing about weaning is that it puts me on the path of trying for #2. Maybe that's how I need to think of each step of this process - not thinking about what I'm giving up, but what I'm going to (hopefully) get.
I was thinking of dropping that second session when Finn turns 9 months, but the current crowded state of my freezer has me thinking I might need to do it sooner. Like Monday. I don't know if I'm ready for that!
Posts
Wow, you are a super pumper! I never got close to that much! While it would be sad to take that leap into formula-land, it doesn't mean you'd be weaning Finn completely. I stopped pumping when J was 10 months (after gradually cutting back from 3 sessions to 2 to 1), but didn't wean him completely until 19 months. And since you have enough stored to last for awhile after you stop, that would be a little longer he'd get to go without any formula. I'd do it, if I were you (although I'm not, so you can do what you decide :) ).
ReplyDeleteThat is quite impressive. I didn't breastfeed for the first two days after my milk came in because the first day we were in the ER all day with Laura. So, the breastfeeding was never 100% successful. Even when I pumped, I never got more than 6 oz - per side at my best and total at my worst. Plus, my work doesn't have any rooms without windows to the hallway so it was very difficult to find a place to pump that didn't include my car. So, I made it 6 months. Though I did miss the time, Laura and I never had a good rhythm going so I don't think either of us missed it too much. I think she could feel how impatient I was or how little food she'd be getting for the work put into it. I do have a list of how I may do things differently next time so we'll see how it goes if we get to that point.
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely a lot to think about. I started thinking of weaning Elena when she was around 8 months I didn't actually do it until now (10 months)...it took me awhile to wrap my head around the emotions. I really like the attitude of thinking of what you'll be gaining rather than losing. Good luck & if I can offer this small advice: don't do it until you're sure you're ready & want to...there's no going back so that's why I say wait until you're sure.
ReplyDeleteI went from three pumping sessions to two fairly quickly after returning to work... and I also just donated a whole bunch of frozen milk to moms who aren't able to keep up with their babies' demands (well, one mom can't keep up, the other mom had a double mastectomy so I don't think she can breastfeed at all). I decided to donate it because the vast collection of milk was reassuring but also starting to stress me out -- I wanted my freezer (and the vaccine freezer at work) back!
ReplyDeleteso don't feel like you HAVE to use all that frozen milk. donating it was easier for me, psychologically, than throwing it away. especially since I prefer to give Calliope fresh milk, anyway.
and i must admit that sometimes i like my built in break! especially my first pumping, which is when I first arrive at work and I eat breakfast and hopefully the patients haven't arrived yet. i pump/eat/check email all at the same time. it's very nice not being disturbed! would it be easier to pump when you first get to work? i am always surprised at how much i get then, despite having fed calliope only an hour earlier.
i don't know if any of these are options worth considering but I thought i would throw them out there... the thought of weaning makes me too sad to even contemplate!
PS the third pumping of the day was the 3 pm one for me... i never got much then, either, so my pediatrician (also a lactation consultant) suggested that i drop that one and just nurse Calliope as soon as I get home. she LOVES the new schedule -- such a nice way to reconnect! and then we nurse again 1-2 hours later before bed.
ReplyDeleteWith Fiona, my supply dropped a fair bit when I decreased to one pumping a day at work. I was bummed at first, when Fiona was around 10 months old, to have to start supplementing one bottle of formula per day. But I quickly realized no big deal. And it made my workday a lot easier to just pump once. Fiona was still getting mostly breastmilk and it took the pressure off me to have formula as a backup if she ran out of milk at daycare. I still managed to breastfeed her to 19 months old, when I was 3 months pregnant.
ReplyDeleteNow with Carys I'm noticing on many days I don't pump as much as she eats, and so I'm starting to go deplete my freezer supply. I'm going to try to pump more or take fenugreek (ugh I hate the smell of fenugreek!). But it also won't be a bit deal to me if I need to supplement a little formula again. I think we need to take the pressure off of ourselves wherever we can.
And yes, do look at it as steps to Finn's little brother or sister!