Pacifiers and Bottles

Finn is almost 4 weeks old, and I'm exhausted.  He's awake a lot more the past week and a half or so, and starting to take in all the world around him.  As a result, he's fussy a lot more; I really think that he gets overwhelmed by it all and just gives in to a meltdown, instead of just closing his eyes and going to sleep when he's tired.  To make matters worse, Finn will not take a pacifier.  I would have thought that would be a good thing, but he finds such comfort from just hanging out on my breast, that I really wish he would take one.  It's fine for him to "comfort feed" shortly after eating a meal, falling asleep after eating with my nipple in his mouth, since it calms him and he always sleeps well when he does this.  But it never works if it's been a while since he's eaten and he wants to comfort nurse, as he ends up getting a lot of milk that he doesn't want, and then he cries even harder than he did to start with.  So I've tried 5 different types of pacifiers, all with different nipples, and even put breast milk on them before giving them to him, but none make him happy.  I keep trying, though.

Of course, that made me worry about how he'd be with a bottle - and since he's going to have to take a bottle when I go back to work at the end of July, we decided to try bottle feeding him today.  I pumped after he ate this morning, and then had Heidi give him his first bottle right as he was first showing signs of being hungry for his next feeding, so he wasn't starving when she tried.  (I don't know what I would have done if Heidi hadn't been able to come back for a week - there aren't many people out there who would do well with a crying baby trying to feed, but she's calm and gentle with him.)

I went upstairs and closed the door to the bedroom, while Heidi tried to get him to eat, but it didn't go well.  He cried and fussed, and refused to take it.  I really expected it to go that way, but was hoping to be pleasantly surprised.  We started with the bottles that go with the breast pump I have, but I have 3 or 4 other bottles that we can try - I'm just not sure if I should try to give him a different bottle each time, or try the same bottle several times before giving up and going to the next one.  Heidi is here until Saturday, so she'll try to feed him every day, if possible, and then after she's gone, I'll try to give him a bottle every day, too.

Aside from some trouble last week with my milk let down being so fast that it was choking poor Finn when he ate, I've really not had much trouble with breast feeding.  I know I'm incredibly lucky he's done so well, especially since (according to the pediatrician) I had the trifecta of situations that make it difficult for a baby to nurse well:  long labor, c-section and big baby, and yet we were doing so well with nursing that he had gained back to his birth weight by the time he was 8 days old.  So I guess it stands to reason that I was due for something that would make feeding difficult.  As if him still eating every 2 hours wasn't difficult enough.

It would be so wonderful to be independently wealthy so I could stay home until Finn was weaned.  Or to live in a country where maternity leave was more than 12 weeks.  That would be nice, too.