Unexpected Words of Wisdom

I’m pretty sure every woman who has ever considered being a mom has, at least once, wondered if she’d be good at it, if she’d be able to handle the demands of caring for a child. And I know that those of us who chose the single mom route think about this even more, since we’re considering becoming the one person responsible for another human’s upbringing. I still find myself wondering if I can do it, if I can be the mom Chiquitito deserves, and sometimes find myself overwhelmed (and more than a little terrified) at the thought of what lies ahead of me. I also remember thinking, for a fleeting moment after my miscarriage, that maybe this was a sign that I shouldn’t be a mom. I know I’m not the only one who has had similar thoughts after a loss or repeated failed cycles, and I know that sort of thinking is pure nonsense, but it sure can seem real when you’re in the midst of feeling that way.

Most days I feel pretty confident I’ll be a good mom. I know I’ll make mistakes. I’ll have breakdowns and probably yell at my boy when I shouldn’t. But I know that he’ll always know he’s loved. And I know that most days my attempts at being the best mom possible will be (mostly) successful. That confidence doesn’t keep the bad thoughts completely away though, and I’ve had those thoughts more than usual the past few days.

Sometimes the universe knows just when a person needs a little extra support, and can find very unexpected ways to deliver that message. Which leasds me to a conversation I had with one of my patients yesterday.

Mr. C has been my patient for about 5 years – he’s 76 and very opinionated and set in his ways. In the past we’ve spent very long office visits negotiating what he was and was not willing to do to improve his blood sugars, and, after I managed to sweet talk him into a few compromises, he has actually done really well. Anyway, as I said, he’s very opinionated, and so I was a little concerned about what he would say about my pregnancy. Our conversation was pretty typical for what I get these days, a surprised “congratulations” followed by a “I didn’t even know you were married!”  I've finally gotten pretty good as responding with a cheery, “Oh, I’m not married, I made this baby all on my own!”

I expected Mr. C would either not know what I was talking about, or act very uncomfortable and change the subject. Instead, his face broke into a huge grin as he said, “Well, good for you! I think that’s wonderful! And you know, I think it’s women like you who make the best mothers. After all I imagine you’ve gone through to get pregnant, you know just how precious this life is, and you know you really want this baby. Yes, it’s women who pursue having a child like you have who know the true value of a being a parent and make the best moms.”

I was so overwhelmed by his words – they were exactly what I needed to hear, right when I needed to hear them. And I thought of those of you out there also on your paths to motherhood, and thought that maybe a few of you might need to hear them, too.