The Dark Side of Dopplers

If you read about getting a doppler, you’ll see that a lot of OBs recommend against it, because it’s likely to cause needless worry if you can’t find the heartbeat – especially earlier in pregnancy.  I knew this, and was prepared to not be able to find the heartbeat when I first got it.  What I was not prepared for was not being able to find Chiquitita’s heartbeat after having the doppler for 5 days.

Last night, I snuggled up with my cat and my doppler, ready to quickly check in on Chiquitita before bed.  Only I couldn’t find the heartbeat.  I’m pretty sure I tried for at least 20 minutes, scanning back and forth across my lower abdomen over and over again.  I tried to be calm, theorizing that I was having trouble because I was constipated, and there were….things….in the way keeping me from hearing the heartbeat.  I decided I would go to sleep and try again in the morning. 

I woke up a few times in the night, and was tempted to try then, but knew I’d never fall asleep if I did that, and so managed to hold off until my alarm went off.  I whipped out the doppler and the gel, but again, I couldn’t hear anything but my own heartbeat.  I went to the gym anyway, and spent the whole time trying to reassure myself that all was well, and being only slightly successful at it.  The workout helped out with my constipation issue, so when I got home, I tried the doppler again – and again – nothing!  Now I was really freaking out.  I felt like everything was ok, but after three tries and no success I was starting to worry that I was wrong, and something had happened to the baby.  Should I call the OB?  Should I call one of my friends?  What did I need to do?  I couldn’t imagine how I’d make it through the day with this sort of anxiety.  

Then, while I was in the shower, I realized that I can feel the top of my uterus now when I’m standing up.  That’s something that after an hour of searching with a doppler, I knew I couldn’t do lying down.  Once I’d dried off, I picked up the doppler again, and this time stuck the probe right at the top of my uterus while I was standing up.   And there it was, the beautiful little heartbeat, pounding away at 164 beats per minute.  At this point I was so wound up I actually felt my pulse to be sure it wasn’t my heartbeat I was picking up, and when I was sure it wasn’t, I almost passed out with relief. 

After all this drama, I’m still glad I got the doppler.  But I’m going to try really hard not to freak out as badly the next time I can’t find anything!  (I said try, that doesn’t mean I expect to succeed!)

In other news, I officially announced my pregnancy on Facebook today (after first checking in and making sure I could still hear the heartbeat tonight, of course).  I had originally planned on saying something like, “Shannon is pregnant.  And yes she’s still single, and yes it was on purpose,” but I decided that made me sound defensive, which I’m not at all.  So instead I went with this: “After years of thinking, months of planning, weeks of waiting and hours (and hours) in doctors’ offices, I’m so happy to be finally be able to say I am pregnant!”  I really can’t believe I’ve made it to the point where I can share my news with everyone.  Yay!