I've posted a few times about my struggles with some of Finn's behavior, and some of the books I've been using to help guide me. Over the past few months I've found a few techniques that work really well. One of Finn's favorites is the "do over." If something doesn't go quite right, I've found that instead of getting mad, sometimes I can stop and say, "Finn, let's have a do over." And the we repeat the scene, but this time with things going the way they should - usually after talking about how we could have done things better. It's an easy way to stop a bad behavior by modeling a good behavior and avoiding lecturing or meltdowns.
Tonight Finn wanted to play sword fight after the timer went off that meant it was time to pick out bedtime stories and get in bed. I was tired, and I got irritated and snapped at him. I thought we were in for a fight, but Finn stopped and said, "Wait Mommy! We need a do-over!" And then he went on, "When you say that, you hurt my feelings. Instead, you should say, 'Finn, the timer went off. I know you want to play, but it's time for stories,' and then I'll say, 'Oh, I really do want to play. But the timer went off, ok, I'll pick out my stories.'"
So we had our do-over, and bedtime was smooth and easy. And I got a lesson on not losing my temper.
This week's pictures show a baby on the move!
 |
| 10/8/14: hanging in the swing |
 |
| 10/9/14: picnic at Finn's preschool |
 |
| 10/10/14: with Nanny M |
 |
| 10/11/14: fell asleep in the swing |
 |
| 10/12/14: is that a remote control on the table? |
 |
| 10/13/14: goofy look on his face |
 |
| 10/14/14: crawling into the bathroom |
Posts
I love this! I'm totally using this idea :)
ReplyDeleteI would like a do-over on a number of parts of my day today. How can you make that happen?
ReplyDeleteIt is awesome that Finn grasps the concept of the do-over so well! The really good news is that it will be a long time before he out grows that technique. I use do-overs with my middle school students for minor rude/wild behavior (just used it on a 7th grader yesterday that tried to come into my room hyperactive with his hood up and touching things that didn't belong to him)...they always appreciate that they weren't yelled at our lectured and usually realize right away what they could do to improve the situation! I never thought about using it with a toddler, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI love the "do over" idea! I'll have to try to implement that during the times that I want to strangle Sidekick!
ReplyDeleteI really love the Do Over technique. Isn't it awesome when they catch on too & use it unprovoked! I was getting upset with my mom the other day & Elena came over, rubbed my arm & said, Calm, Momma, Calm, shhh, deep breath" Took the fight right out of me!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea of a "do over". Thanks for sharing. I will definitely file it away n my head to use when appropriate. I am really impressed at how well Finn understands the concept and his response to you. Very mature for a little guy. Love Z's smile in the pic with Nanny M. Adorable boys!.
ReplyDeleteI love the Do Over idea! Can you elaborate? Maybe give an example? The part where I'm not following is the idea of discussing what could have been done better (before the Do Over) but without lecturing.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE what Finn said, modeling the Do Over, so I think this is a great thing to try. And how awesome if we could do that even as adults!
Love those squishy thighs! I fear they are about to start melting away.
Add me to the pile of fans. Really great idea. I think we do this to some extent without such intention, for example when I ask Fiona to stop shouting "NO!" at Carys and instead gently tell her that she doesn't like something, and then Fiona will do just that with better outcome. But I really like the idea of calling it a "do over." It seems like we could focus less on whose right and who is wrong and instead just have someone (whoever is sanest at them moment, in your case, it was Finn!) bring attention to the fact that a do-over might be in order. Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteWow. Love the do-over concept and SO IMPRESSED with Finn's reasoning and insight. You must be doing something right.
ReplyDeleteDo overs are great! Thanks for sharing must use that in my repertoire of parenting techniques.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a really self-aware kid you've got! How great! Just be careful he doesn't start demanding do-overs every time you do something he doesn't like (that's what mine would do).
ReplyDeleteZachary looks like Finn so much in that second to last photo. Wow!!!
ReplyDeleteWe're going to try do overs. We need a new tool! Losing my mind.
Great idea, will be using it soon. Thanks for sharing it!
ReplyDeleteI love that idea of a "do over"!
ReplyDelete