Every working mom struggles at some point with making sure she has a good connection with her kids, trying to be sure she gets that mythical quality time in every week (I suspect every stay at home mom does this, too, but as I'm not a SAHM, I'm just guessing). I've found that the weeks that I have time to really connect with Finn are usually the weeks that his behavior is much easier to handle, so it's clear it means a lot to him, too. In
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Dr. Markham suggests setting aside 10-15 minutes every day with each child for one on one "Special Time." She says this time needs to be without distraction (no phones) and just with one child. One day the time is spent doing something the child chooses, and the next time it's the parent's choice. (And she has suggestions for games that would be good for helping kids let of emotional energy and reconnecting at the same time.)
It is amazing how powerful a tool this has been in our house. Finn loves his "Special Finnegan Time" and remembers each time who gets to decide what we're going to do. Unfortunately, I'm really struggling with how to do this with just me and two kids. If Zachary falls asleep easily and relatively early, it's easy to do before bedtime routine. But most nights he's not asleep until it's already time for Finn to start getting ready for bed. And I don't really like doing it so close to bed on the evenings we decide on an energetic or loud activity (tonight Finn wanted to play musical instruments while singing "Let it Go" - thank goodness no one else could hear us!) I suggested to Finn that during the week we try to do it while Zachary is awake and in the room with us, but when he's happy playing on his own. Finn agreed, so we're going to try that the rest of the week and see how it goes.
Zachary's little personality is really blooming these days. He's inquisitive, grabs everything he can, watches everything, still loves to be held nonstop and laughs all the time. I love when Finn does something to make him laugh, and then Finn starts laughing at Zachary laughing. The two of them already seem to have their own language, and I just love watching them. And then Finn gets mad because Zachary grabbed something of his, and I get to experience our first cases of sibling fighting.
This week's pictures:
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| 8/13/14: his blue eyes are gradually changing color |
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| 8/14/14: playing with Finn's magna-doodle |
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| 8/15/14: who is that in the mirror? |
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| 8/16/14: gimme that phone! |
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| 8/17/14: We're on a boat, Mommy! |
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| 8/17/14 (part 2): I just liked this picture (we're hanging out in the garage while Finn rides his bike) |
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| 8/18/14: 6 month check up - 25lbs, 29 inches long |
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| 8/19/14: now this is what phones are supposed to be used for |
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I am in awe of your ability to juggle both boys and try to get in the individual time with them.
ReplyDeleteThe official answer that we give re special time when you have more than one child is that the second child can be involved if they are there and want to participate. The idea doesn't change though in that the child who's special time it is leads all the activities for the whole time, so if another child wants to be there they have to follow the lead of the child who's special time it is and do as they are asked/told by them. With a baby though this will be hard so trying to do it at a time when Zach is sleeping is your best option. When they get older though that can be a good rule, the underdog if there is one gets to have the power for a little while. Also, it puts the choice on the child, "of course you can stay, but it's finn's special time so you need to do what he wants." Then the other Zach can either accept the rules and stay, or find something else to do for 15 mins.
ReplyDeleteWe don't do a lot of individual time though we have been more lately. I get early morning with the baby before Little Miss wakes up. Currently, Little Miss gets her time in the car because the little one can't talk yet. I do try to make sure each gets the time needed at the very least even if it's not as scheduled. So, even if I'm busy, if one needs something, time will come where 100% of attention within a set time. Little Miss can tell time so she's patient if I give her a specific time I can dedicate to her. She'll hold me to it, too. Love all your baby smiles. Your babies always give the best smiles.
ReplyDeleteI love that you are aware of the importance of spending time with both of them, but juggling that seems like it would really suck. Amen to you, sister, for doing it (or really trying to do it)! And wow! Zach is just two pounds less than Sidekick who is 25 months old! I love seeing pics of your boys. You are doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteWow, Finn and Zachary sound like Matthew and Bryson - genuine love for one another! So lucky!
ReplyDeleteFinding time alone with one is so hard. I just told my hubby this morning that Matthew and I need a date! Good for you for making it a high priority!
Such cute pictures!! Love what you said about them developing their own language... and really admire you making individual time for each of them. Even if it happens regularly but not every day, i imagine it will have an impact.
ReplyDeleteI have got to try this 15 min thing. Thank you for sharing and inspiring!
ReplyDeleteThe first pic is a masterpiece! Love the lighting and his sweet smile. I am sure it must be so amazing to see the brotherly bond develop between them. They are going to have a blast growing up together.
ReplyDeleteIt's so nice to hear of you implementing the Peaceful Parenting tips because it reminds me to work on them! I've got lots of Special Calliope Time right now but that's about to change when I go back to work next week.
ReplyDeleteI just put that book in my amazon cart--sounds totally genius!!! thanks for sharing! and your two adorable boys playing together made me smile :)
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