2013 - A Year in Transit

It feels like all of 2013 has been a year in transit. Not transition, but actually transit, as almost everything I've done has been working towards something, rather than actually getting somewhere. And it's been a ridiculously long year as I'm pretty sure this pregnancy has lasted at least 18 months already.  When I look back, I can't believe how much has been crammed into one year.  I don't know that I can say 2013 has been a good year, but I've been very blessed this year, and I'm hopeful that everything that's happened this year is setting things up for an amazing 2014.

While awake in the middle of the night with some fun pregnancy insomnia a few nights ago, I made a mental list of all the big things that have happened this year, and I think I need to write them down here so I can remember what a crazy year this has been.

• Learned my last attempt at IUI hadn't worked, despite lots of supplements and dietary changes to promote fertility
• Decided to skip IVF with my OE due to low chance of it working, and made the decision to go with donor eggs
• Struggled with learning how to parent my two year old - it's still a challenge, but I feel like I've finally figured out a few things that work well with us, and am better able to avoid some of the meltdowns and fights that were so rough earlier in the year
• Said good-bye to my sweet Vagus on the same day that a sperm met an egg and became my Chimichanga
• Took lots of hormones to prepare for embryo transfer and was thrilled to get a BFP!
• Endured a miserable first trimester with bone deep fatigue and crippling nausea that felt like it would never end
• Was disappointed to learn that my second baby was going to be another boy, and then suddenly found myself having a hard time imagining life any other way, and feeling so happy and excited to be welcoming another boy into the family
• Studied long hours to recertify in endocrinology and then waited months before learning that I'd lucked out and managed to pass
• Decided that boards, a two year old, and pregnancy weren't enough to occupy me for the second half of the year, and signed a contract to build a house
• Today, the last day of the year, I officially closed on my new house!

For years I've dreamed of being the mom to two kids in a warm and inviting house in a nice little neighborhood.  I can't believe that as of next Friday I'll be in that house, and just 4 weeks later I'll be welcoming my second child into the world.  I know that there are going to be some really hard days ahead, and that 8 weeks from now I might be a frazzled, sleep deprived, sobbing mess with unwashed hair and two screaming children.  But even then, I'll be a contented, frazzled, sobbing mess. At least I hope I will be. I hope I can remember how much I've longed for this life, and I hope I can be patient with myself as a mom and a person as I learn to parent two children as a single mom.  

Wishing all of you a wonderful 2014, with love, happiness, fertility and children who sleep through the night.