It drives me crazy when people wax poetic about how great it is to reach viability, as it makes it sound as though they're being completely oblivious to how difficult it would be to have a baby born that early - and that viability is still no guarantee that all will be well. But of course, there is no guarantee, ever. Bad things happen. Loss happens. Tragic things happen. All of us in this community know that. And yet we all continue to be willing to risk tragedy, because without that risk the beautiful, wonderful, joyful things that make life worth living would never happen, either.
The reality is that it is reassuring to meet this milestone, knowing that if my baby is born now, he at least has a fighting chance. But at the same time, I really, really, really, really hope he decides to wait until he's fully cooked. Are you listening, Chimi? Stay put until February!
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| Chimi almost 3 weeks ago |
I'm really hoping that as things calm down just a little (finally it feels like it could happen), I'll start to have time in the evening for a quick workout, something more than the walk around the block Finn and I take a few times a week. I really think my sugars would be better if I could do that - it's just a question of squeezing it in. Somehow.
One really great thing that's better with this pregnancy is my back pain. Or lack thereof. This time last pregnancy my hip and low back hurt constantly. At this time last pregnancy, there is no way I could have survived a day at Disney World without a wheelchair, and yet last week I had barely a twinge of back pain.
I credit the massage therapist at my acupuncturist's office for this. I saw her for fertility massages last year, and in the course of my first massage, she discovered that my hip and back pain was caused from muscle spasms in the front of my hips, not the back. All it took was 5-6 massages before getting pregnant, and the pain that was always there even when not pregnant, and definitely plagued me my entire pregnancy (despite weekly chiropractic and acupuncture sessions) is gone.
Of course, I'm not yet feeling that pull on my abdomen from the weight of the baby - as long as I hold my abs tight when I stand up, I barely feel different at all, until I try to lean up against a counter, that is. So I'm prepared for it to become a problem again. But considering I was miserable starting at about 9 weeks last time, I'm thrilled to have this respite, even if it doesn't last.
I can't quite believe I'm more than halfway through. 16 weeks left (and no more, since I'll be a scheduled c-section). The first trimester felt like a year, but the past 6 weeks have flown by. I'm feeling a little more bonded these days, as he's so incredibly active and is constantly making sure I know he's here. I'm grumpy just about all the time at work, but I still find lots to smile about every single day.
Life is hard. And yet is really is beautiful, too.
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I agree with you about viability. I feel like people put too much stock in it. All it is is a number at which, statistically, your baby has a chance. But when you look at what the path would be like for your baby if born at 24 weeks....it is shockingly scary. But, at the same time, I get it. It is uplifting and exciting to know that your baby then has a chance to survive.
ReplyDeleteAbout your diet and exercise and everything just being hard...I totally get it. There are a lot of things I wish I'd done differently during the pregnancy and exercise is one of them. Even now, at the very end, I know I am not eating well (tired and no appetite) and I wish I was doing better even while I continue to slack off. Sigh.
I have been having the same thoughts about viability - if I can only make it four more weeks! But I know how practically meaningless this is considering the challenges preemies face that early, or even a month later...or even two. Still I guess the idea of "a chance" as opposed to "no chance" means something!
ReplyDeleteI know how bad and annoying back pain can be even without pregnancy so I'm very glad for you that you haven't had to suffer through it this time around. I hope you can continue to keep it at bay!
ReplyDeleteThose people who have faced having their baby really early get excited about viability because that's when the medical field will work to keep a baby alive if born (at least in my case). It feels pretty hopeless until that point. But you are so right about it not being a guarantee. The mircropreemie outcome calculator I looked at while pregnant made that pretty obvious. Now 28 weeks is a whole different story.
ReplyDeleteI hope you continue to keep your blood sugars under control. I can only imagine how frustrating that must be. Yay for less pain and boo for work stress.
Love the pics of Chimi and Finn.
Adorable pictures of Finn, looks like it was a beautiful day!
ReplyDeleteReally glad the 3 of you are doing well.
ReplyDeleteOh Chimi! You are beautiful! And you have such a lovely Mommy and Big Brother waiting for you... in February!
ReplyDeleteI just loved that last sentence of your post: life is hard. And yet it really is beautiful too.
ReplyDeleteThat is so true!
So wonderful to read this milestone! seems to be flying past! I hope you still feel wonderful for the rest of your pregnancy! Here's to another 16 weeks of good things!
ReplyDelete"Life is hard. And yet is really is beautiful, too."--love that. Feel like it could be my mantra these days. Yay for making it half way through!! Can't wait to "meet" your new little guy :)
ReplyDeleteFirst of all - Chimi is adorable!!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I so agree about 24 weeks viability being too much touted. Frankly I was more scared after I reached Week 24 than before and Week 28 could not come fast enough where I felt it was a better chance.
I remember how relieved I was to reach viability. I did not want a micro preemie but I did want a baby with a fighting chance. My relieve increased with each week and I remember reaching a certain point--not sure the exact week, maybe 34? and reading that if the baby was born now it might not have to stay in a level II NICU. Ahh, the things that make us breathe (a little) easier when we are pregnant. Your baby is beautiful and I share your hope that he stays right where he is until February. (Both my boys are Feb babies, so I'm partial to the month!)
ReplyDeleteGreat ultrasound pic -- it looks like Chimi is playing peek-a-boo. I'm glad you're doing (mostly) well as the milestones continue to tick by. I remember thinking that if I could just pass the next milestone (good beta, heartbeat, etc.), then I'd finally be able to relax ... but it didn't take long to realize that some worry would always be there, even after birth. You said it well: "without that risk the beautiful, wonderful, joyful things that make life worth living would never happen, either."
ReplyDeleteI've nominated you for a Sunshine Award. :) Details are here: http://there-is-a-crack-in-everything.blogspot.com/2013/10/sunshine-award.html
DeleteI agree that there is a lot of hope put into the viability mark. I know I put a lot of stock in it. But once I hit 24 weeks I became even more terrified of the outcome would the boys have been born. I was so fortunate to make it to 34 weeks but even then I had disconnected myself so much from the pregnancy that it took me some time to bond with the boys. I think I had disconnected myself so much because the boys were so close to being born at 26 weeks. It's such a numbers game. Even a single day can make a huge difference. And even a baby born at 32 weeks could have more problems than a baby born at 28 weeks. It's a toss-up. I guess that's why we try so hard just to appreciate each piece of good news as it comes along. I'm so glad things are going okay. You are doing a GREAT job!
ReplyDeleteI agree! You'll never fully relax until he's here safe and sound. A great milestone none the less though, pleased all is going well.
ReplyDelete