Bad Day, Good News

First, the important stuff - Finn's MRI showed that the residual tumor is stable, and the questionable lymph nodes seen last time are either stable or smaller, and are now considered to be normal "childhood lymph nodes."  So we should be going to every 6 month MRI's now, except that 6 months from now is early March.  And I really can't imagine doing an MRI day with a newborn.  So we'll do 4 months instead, and then go to 6 months after that - and hopefully one a year very soon after that.

Now, the crappy details of our day.  It started out well.  I was on time, Finn was incredibly cooperative, we were having a fun drive in, and then we hit bumper to bumper traffic.  The car in front of me started to go, then stopped suddenly - and I started to go, but couldn't stop, and I hit her.  I'm not going to go into all the details, but she seemed lovely, completely understanding when I exchanged information with her, and gave her my info (including my license so she could see I was telling her the truth about my name!), and was ok with me leaving while she waited for the police to come.

We were just a few minutes late for our MRI, but then registration was running way behind, and so we didn't get back until almost 8 (we got there a little after 7).  And then MRI was running behind because of some unexpected pediatric cases, and so it was closer to 9 before Finn went back.  He was such a trooper.  He played in the waiting room, he smiled at everyone, and kept asking me, "Where are all these people going, Mommy?"

The anesthesiologist came in to talk to me and I discussed my fears.  He said that it was equally likely that it was the Versed or the anesthesia agent that caused his reaction, and that it was unusual to happen just one time, but he thought that since it was just once, it was likely that it wouldn't happen again.  But while he was willing to not do the Versed if I wanted, he really thought it would be better if we did.  And then he reassured me that we could stay in recovery until I was sure he wasn't having the reaction, and if he did, I could keep him there, with nurses to help me, until it was over.

So I decided to give him the Versed.  He hated it, kept saying how yucky it tasted, but within minutes was relaxed and snuggling in my arms.  He didn't complain at all when the anesthesiologist took him back, and it clearly didn't matter to him if I went back with them or not (I had take Claire's suggestion and asked if I could be with him until he was under), so I opted to let him go alone, as a state trooper was waiting in the parking lot with me.

The trooper was very nice, apologized for having to give me a ticket, had me fill out a report, and that was it.  Then he said, "I'm sorry you've had such a rough day, I hope everything goes ok with the MRI" and of course I started crying.  I got myself together before I went back into the hospital, though, and thankfully decided to splurge on a muffin and a Diet Coke while waiting.

I called my insurance company while I waited, then got work done, and agonized over the wait until a volunteer finally came to get me and told me I needed to go with him back to radiology.  Another volunteer had just told me that Finn was in recovery, and they were going to call me up soon, so I was very confused.  I kept questioning him, and he said that they were taking him to audiology, and that a nurse would come meet me there, and that he wasn't even in recovery yet.  So he left me standing in the waiting room in radiology, wondering what the hell they'd found that made him need audiology, and why I was in the radiology waiting room.  As I was waiting for someone at the front desk to be free to help me, I realized that even if they had found something, there's no way they'd take a toddler straight from anesthesia to audiology, so I relaxed a little.

As it turned out, they couldn't do the ultrasound that he usually gets while still in MRI, because there was no tech free.  So they were going to take him straight from recovery to ultrasound, and was to go wait in ultrasound.  I'm sitting in the waiting room, again in tears, imagining Finn freaking out and wanting his Mommy, but being surrounded by people he doesn't know instead.  Finally, after what seemed like hours, but was probably only 5 minutes, a nurse came to get me and took me back.  She explained that he had been sound asleep while in recovery, so they were hoping to get him down and into ultrasound still asleep, and thought he'd be more likely to stay asleep if I stayed downstairs.  But then he woke up on the way down, and so he was lying on the big huge gurney, whimpering for mommy when I finally got to see him again.

He visibly relaxed when I walked in the room, and even managed a few giggles after he had some snuggles with me.  The ultrasound tech was wonderful and helped Finn not be afraid of the test, and so he was very still and cooperated with the entire thing.

It was 11:40 before we left the hospital and headed over to the oncology office - we're usually heading home by this point.  Finn never had a meltdown, though he was a little on edge, and very upset by his lack of coordination.  He played happily with all the toys in the office while we waited, and finally at noon we were taken back.  He was weighed and measured (and was so proud he could do it on his own) and basked in all the attention from everyone who remembers him and commented on how big he is and how cute he is.  He demanded that his blood pressure be taken in his arm instead of his leg, and corrected the doctor when she asked if she should listen to his foot with her stethoscope, "Listen to heart!" He cried a lot with the toe prick, but even then giggled at Elmo between his tears.  He's such a brave boy!

While were in the office, I got a call from my insurance company.  The woman I hit was now seeking medical attention (this was seriously just a fender bender, so really?  WTF?), so now it's been assigned to someone new.  I didn't get the message until later, but think I'll call and talk to the person now assigned to my case, just to get a clearer idea of what's going on.  Just one more thing to stress about, and really makes me wish I'd explained that my son's MRI today was to follow up on his cancer.

It was 1:30 before we left oncology, so I was exhausted and starving by the time we got home at 2.  Usually we're home by noon, so this was not at all expected, or I would have brought food for me, and not just for Finn.  I left Finn with Nanny M, got some really disgusting fast food, and then went to my OB appointment.  That was followed by a wonderful massage appointment (my massage therapist is truly a miracle worker, best massages I have ever had in my life, and I've had a lot!), and then acupuncture.  Thank goodness it occurred to me to schedule those today, because I really needed them.

This is the sort of day that calls for 3-4 glasses of wine.  But since I can't have that, I guess I'll go have some ice cream and go to bed.  (And then indulge in one more ugly cry before I go to sleep.)

Thank you for all the good thoughts today! That did help make the day a little more bearable.