As I was standing in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, I looked over at Zachary, who had just caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He grinned at himself, and then started making all sorts of ridiculous faces at himself, not for anyone's entertainment but his own.
"Holy shit," I thought to myself. "He's his own little person."
And that's when it hit me. I have been so busy trying to raise him well that I forgot that the core principle of all gentle parenting techniques is connection. And in order to connect, I have to recognize that each of my children are indeed unique individuals - beyond the superficial stuff, and into the deep stuff that their souls are made up of.
I remember so many details about the rich inner world I had in my head when I was 4, 5 and 6...it's just never occurred to me that the same is true for my children. I've been reacting to many situations as a problem to solve and not a problem to understand - and it's no wonder some of my efforts at empathy have fallen short.
I suspect this is obvious to most of the world - or at least to those who try to model their parenting techniques after those that emphasize connection - but it's a life changing realization for me. Especially when I look back at my childhood and realize that while I always felt deeply loved, I never felt truly seen by my parents. As I've come to learn, being truly seen is the only way to truly believe that you are loved for who you are, and therefore worthy of love in general.
It's been a few days since I had this paradigm shift in my family view, and I've spent a lot of time mulling over it, and have noticed that it's already affecting how I act towards my kids...and how they act in response to me.
No one ever told me that parenting would challenge me to grow as a person in order to become the parent I want to be.
Posts
So true and so profound. I like Aha parenting because of that connection. It really helps.
ReplyDelete