Over and Under Thinking

When my grandfather died, my sister and I both went down to Florida for the funeral.  We stayed with my Aunt Linda and Uncle Clark, who live just a short drive from my grandparents.  (Aunt Linda is my grandmother's sister, but is only 4 years older than my mom.)  One night we stayed up too late, drinking wine and telling stories about my granddad, and Aunt Linda told us about his mom.  "I loved her so much.  She used to let me comb her long black hair for what seemed like hours.  She was Native American, you know."

My sister and I were floored.  We had no idea we had Native American blood, and we felt like this whole new vision of our identity as Americans changed with this knowledge.  The next day, my sister and I went to lunch together, and we kept on coming back to Aunt Linda's revelation.  My sister said, "I feel like we need to learn more, so we can truly get in touch with our people."

That evening we had dinner at my grandmom's and we said to her, "I can't believe you never told us that our great-grandmother was Native American!"  "Who told you that?" she asked us.  Aunt Linda replied, "I did, I remember combing her long black hair.  I loved her." My grandmom looked at her with disbelief and said, "She wasn't Native American!  She had red hair!"

We still laugh about that now, 10 years later.

So imagine my surprise when I was looking back over my ED's profile and discovered that her paternal grandfather was Native American!  How did I miss that????

I'm actually fairly happy about this, but I'm so surprised that I missed it.  And that surprise has me feeling very stressed out all of a sudden.  I'm worried I rushed into choosing a donor too quickly. I'm worried that I was wrong when I decided not to go with the donor from RBA who had less than 6 eggs (you get a "lot" of 6 eggs when you chose a donor) and instead went with a donor from an affiliate site.

RBA is the center that pioneered egg vitrification, and has since taught multiple sites how to do it, including the sites they've partnered with in creating their donor egg bank.  I've read on the boards that many women chose to only get eggs from RBA because they do it better, but this is all anecdotal.  Dr. S told me that while he thought the screening criteria was more rigorous at RBA and some of the East Coast sites (as far as education level, height and looks), he felt that all the sites did equally well with their egg freezing.  So when I didn't find another RBA donor I liked, aside from the one that didn't have a full 6 eggs frozen, I felt comfortable going with a donor from another site.

But then another SMC friend of mine had her consult with Dr. S last week and felt he implied that the egg quality wasn't as good from other sites.  And I'm so second guessing my decision.  I'm so afraid that this won't work, and I won't get pregnant, and I'll have spent all this money and have no baby to show for it.

Before now, I'd been wondering if I'd made the right choice of donors just based on looks, personality...was she the right fit for my family.  I was usually able to remind myself that I would love the baby no matter what, that once I was pregnant, the donor would no longer really matter.

But now I can't stop worrying about the donor egg quality now, and I'm not really concerned about the donor's characteristics (other than thinking it's really cool she's part Native American!)

I never worried if my donor sperm was good enough to get me pregnant.  I'm not liking this worry at all.  And there's not much I can do about it.  It's a valid concern, but still my chances are good that all will work out fine.  Just not as good, apparently, as they would have been if I'd gone with the donor with less eggs.

Oh how I envy those who are able to complete their family easily, the old fashioned way.

ETA:  I forgot one huge thing: RBA has a guarantee that you will get two high quality embryos (or a live birth) from your batch of 6 eggs.  If you don't get that, they'll do another thaw, free of charge.  Earlier today I read on a discussion board that just a few weeks ago they amended that guarantee to only apply to donors from their site.  When I chose a nonRBA donor, I also thought I was covered by the guarantee.  I just went back and looked at the consent/contract I signed, and it does not say anything about it being limited to just RBA donors.  I think I'll email my coordinator for clarification.  Because if the guarantee is still in effect for me, I'm much less concerned.  And if it's not in effect for me, they should allow me to choose a different donor, since they didn't tell me this up front.

It's way past my bedtime.